


What Is Love

by SunSkip



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 53,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12043722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunSkip/pseuds/SunSkip
Summary: Lisa loves Jennie but Jennie loves Jisoo. And Jisoo? She loves Lisa.How far are they willing to go for the ones they love?What happens when their feelings for one another start changing?





	1. Confessions

 

 

 

Sometimes, Chaeyoung wondered just how oblivious her groupmates were.

Sometimes, she wondered just how dense they all had to be not to notice their feelings for one another.

It was all so obvious, at least to her.

 

The way Lisa looked at Jennie, when the older girl was unaware, like she put the stars themselves in the skies above.

The way Jennie’s gaze followed Jisoo wherever she went, inexplicably attracted to her, like a magnet.

The way Jisoo pampered and tried to stay near Lisa while away from the public’s watchful eyes, away from the cameras capturing their every movement.

 

Chaeyoung knew what was happening.

She knew all along.

 

**

 

“So,” the emcee continues, “we asked the fans to send in one more question for you girls, ready?”

All four girls smile and nod.

“If you were a man,” he chuckles as his eyes skim over the rest of the question, “which one of your fellow group members would you rather date and why?”

The audience goes wild screaming ship names while the girls stand there in mild shock at the reaction.

“Let’s start from the eldest, shall we?” the emcee motions to Jisoo.

Jisoo doesn’t even stop to think for a second before she blurts out, “Lisa.”

Her confident façade instantly turns bashful when Lisa turns to her in surprise at the quick answer.

“And, why?” the emcee inquires.

Well,” Jisoo eyes Lisa up and down for a second, noting her exquisite figure and sparkling eyes, “she’s a great dancer, she’s funny, and she understands me even when I’m being crazy and weird…” she trails off, her eyes scanning the silent crowd.

“Plus, we both love chocolate and chicken!” she finishes off with her signature eye smile and the crowd erupts in laughter at her adorable personality.

Lisa extends her arm behind Chaeyoung and Jennie to give Jisoo a high-five, a large grin on her face.

Jennie quietly plasters a fake smile on her face and slips her arm around Jisoo’s, consciously bringing the older girl closer to herself.

“Well, who wouldn’t love chocolate?” the emcee laughs along with the crowd.

“You’d be surprised,” Jisoo answers and playfully glares at Jennie.

Jennie simply smiles at the older girl and elbows her side.

“And you, Jennie?”

The brunette, who had been busy stealing glances at Jisoo, snaps back into attention, “Sorry?”

“Who would you date?”

“Ah, well…,” Jennie looks around at her group members, her eyes once again unconsciously lingering on their eldest member before moving on to the others, “um…Chaeyoung.”

Chaeyoung, bashful as always, ducks her head, a small smile on her face.

“Because,” Jennie continues, “she has a beautiful voice and would probably serenade me whenever I asked. Oh, and she can make the best kimchi fried rice, how can I not pick her?”

“Hey, I can make kimchi fried rice, too!” Lisa jumps in.

“You can barely fry an egg without burning down our dorm,” Jennie says in jest, Lisa ducks her head in embarrassment at being exposed and the crowd erupts into laughter once more.

“So, she’s the member that can’t be trusted to be alone in the kitchen?”

The group assents while Lisa keeps mum.

“Seems every group has at least one person who is rather,” he takes a pause to contemplate on a word, “ _unlucky_ with their cooking skills.”

Lisa huffs and pouts.

Jisoo wishes she could be at her side.

Hold her hand.

Hug her.

Kiss that adorable little pout off her lips.

 

She lightly shakes her head and blinks the thought away.

_What am I thinking? We’re on live TV. In front of a_ crowd _._

_A very large, slightly intimidating, crowd._

 

“What about you, Chaeyoung?”

“Hmm, I think,” Chaeyoung looks at the other girls and contemplates for a moment, “Jisoo unnie.”

“Ah, your fellow 4D member?”

Chaeyoung happily nods, “She’s the mood maker of the group, we’re always in a good mood when she’s around, if we dated I think I’d be happy twenty-four seven.”

“But I make you smile all the time too, Chaeyoungie.” Lisa wraps her arms around her fellow maknae.

“But you really, _really_ can’t cook.” Chaeyoung complains.

Lisa releases a deep dramatic sigh and rests her head on Chaeyoung’s shoulder.

“Aish, why does it always go back to that?”

The host kindly muffles his laughter in expense of the orange haired girl.

“As you can see; cooking is something you should practice more often if you want your members to even consider dating you.”

“No, no, we don’t want our dorm to burn down!” Jennie flails her arms and makes an X in front of her.

“So, no cooking for Lisa?”

The members unanimously agree while Lisa pretends to be hurt at the declaration.

“What about you, Lisa, who would you date?”

“Oh, um,” Lisa glances at Chaeyoung and Jisoo before her gaze falls on Jennie and stays on her, just for a second too long, “I think…Jennie unnie.”

 

No one notices how Jisoo’s wide smile is suddenly a bit strained.

She shifts closer to Jennie’s side and pretends not to care.

Pretends to be happy.

 

“Really now?” The emcee jumps back in, “Why?”

“She’s sexy,” Lisa blurts out and immediately regrets not having filtered those words with some _common sense_.

She mentally facepalms.

She shouldn’t be saying such things.

Aloud.

On live TV.

In front of a crowd.

In front of _Jennie_.

 

The shorter girl merely smiles and waves off Lisa’s declaration like it’s no big deal.

“Lisa’s been touching me a lot lately, there’s a reason for that, right?” She grins and makes finger guns at the younger girl.

Lisa plays along and makes finger guns right back at her. She can feel the heat building up in her cheeks.

_She noticed?_

_Was I too obvious?_

 

The rest of the show, after their performance, is rather uneventful. The emcee asks the usual basic questions that they always get asked during promotions and wrap things up.

The girls, all exhausted from having so many schedules packed into one week, are ecstatic to be done with filming and heading back home.

Jennie climbs into the van first, shortly followed by Chaeyoung.

Lisa, who had been trying to catch up to the shorter brunette, lingers behind Chaeyoung and opts to sit in the middle, sitting in the back with the other two would be too cramped. Jisoo slips in right after Lisa and closes the door behind her, a heavy sigh leaving her lips.

“Finally,” she scoots closer to the younger girl and rests her head on her shoulder.

“I know,” Lisa chuckles and rests her own head against the brunette’s.

Unbeknownst to them both, sitting in the back seat, is a short brunette quietly glaring at the back of their heads.

_That should be me._

 

**

 

“Hey, unnie, can I ask you something?” Lisa is standing by the threshold to her room.

“You just did.” Jisoo jibes.

“Not that.”

Lisa rolls her eyes and makes her way inside the room. Jisoo notes how she takes the precaution to close the door behind herself.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just,” Lisa seats herself on the edge of Jisoo’s bed and plays with her hands in her lap, “I need advice on something.”

Jisoo frowns, something deep in her gut twists.

She has a bad feeling about this.

“Okay…”

“Have you ever had feelings for someone?”

Jisoo’s eyes widen at the sudden, unexpected, question.

“W-why do you ask?”

“Have you?” Lisa turns her deep, penetrating gaze towards her and Jisoo has to work to control her own breathing and measure her words before she says something stupid.

Before she makes a mistake.

Before she ruins it all.

“…Yes.”

 _You_.

“Did you ever tell them?”

“No.”

_Not yet._

“Oh…I see.” Lisa hangs her head, maybe Jisoo wouldn’t be as much help as she had hoped.

“Why are you asking? Do you like someone?” Jisoo asks and immediately wishes she could take the questions back because the way Lisa turns to look at her can only mean one thing.

“I do.”

“Who?” the brunette asks, despite half her brain telling her not to.

Lisa pulls her legs up onto the bed and hugs her knees to her chest.

“Promise it won’t change the way you treat me?” she asks and her voice sounds so small, Jisoo just wants to hold her and keep her safe forever.

“Of course not, I promise,” she reaches out to rub a soothing hand over the younger girl’s back.

.

.

.

.

“It’s a girl,” Lisa murmurs and shrinks into herself. Jisoo is mute for several seconds.

_Did I hear that right?_

_A girl?_

_She likes a girl?_

Her brain is slowly catching up to the words that were just spoken and she can’t help but open her mouth in disbelief.

Lisa steals a glance back at her and hides her face in shame and embarrassment at the older girl’s reaction. Mistaking Jisoo’s surprise for something akin to rejection.

The brunette quickly snaps out of it and surges forward to wrap the younger girl in a hug from behind.

“Hey,” she whispers into her ear, “I’m a woman of my word, I don’t plan to take back that promise any time soon.”

The red-haired girl lifts her head from her arms and turns to face her.

“Really?”

“Really,” Jisoo smiles and wipes away a small tear from Lisa’s cheek before pulling her into another hug.

“I thought-,”

“You thought I was a bigot?”

“No, I thought-,”

“I was narrow minded? And here I thought you knew me better than that.”

“Shut up and let me finish,” Lisa smacks her arm, her tears quickly replaced by a grin.

Jisoo keeps quiet and nods for her to continue.

“You know what, nevermind, I probably wasn’t thinking.”

“Probably not, no.” Jisoo quips and earns herself another smack on the arm.

“Ouch, you hit hard, you know?” The brunette rubs at her sore arm.

“Shut up.” Lisa pulls her back for another, unnecessarily long, hug.

.

.

.

.

Jisoo wants to know. She _really_ wants to know. The curiosity is killing her, but part of her already knows she won’t like the answer. Part of her can already feel the dread and regret building up.

She takes a breath and gently runs her fingers through the red locks of the girl in her arms.

“Who is it?”

 

_Please, say it’s me._

 

Lisa freezes up in her arms and Jisoo can almost physically feel her building up the courage to speak.

 

_Please, say it’s me._

 

“It’s…” Lisa tightens her hold on Jisoo and burrows her face into the crook of her neck, “it’s…”

 

Her words are so quiet that Jisoo can’t even make out what was mumbled into her neck.

 

“What?”

 

_Please._

 

“It’s Jennie unnie,” Lisa mumbles, louder this time.

 

Jisoo blinks.

 

Her world is crumbling around her and suddenly the only girl she’s ever loved, the girl in her arms, closer than ever, is so far from her reach.

Unimaginably so.

.

.

.

.

“Unnie?” Lisa pulls away to look at her.

“Yea?”

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

 

 _What am I supposed to say?_ Jisoo thinks.

_That I love you?_

_That one simple answer from you completely wrecked my heart?_

_That I feel like I’m dying inside?_

_That I wish you loved me instead?_

 

“Have you told her yet?”

Lisa sighs, “No…actually, that’s why I’m telling you first.”

“Why?”

“You and Jennie are really close so I wanted to ask for your advice.”

“Oh. What did you want to know?”

“I don’t know how to approach her. I don’t even know if she could possibly feel the same way.” Lisa huffs and hangs her head.

“Has she told you anything?” She turns her hopeful eyes back to Jisoo and the brunette wishes she could give her all the answers she seeks.

“I- no,” she stops to think for a second, “she hasn’t mentioned liking anyone.”

“Oh.”

“Are you going to tell her?” Jisoo inquires and a deeper, darker, side of her wishes Lisa would say no.

“I don’t know,” Lisa plays with her hands in her lap, “I don’t really want to risk it.”

Jisoo plasters a fake smile on her face, the most genuine looking smile she can muster in that moment.

“Whatever you decide, I’m sure everything will turn out alright. Plus, who wouldn’t like you?”

Lisa chuckles and leans in to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

“Thanks, unnie, I’m glad I told you first.”

 

Something clenches inside her chest and she just wants to break down crying.

 

“I’m glad, too.”

 

**

 

 _Jisoo changed_ , Jennie notes.

She changed and it wasn’t for the better.

It wasn’t just her personality, it was the way she behaved towards Jennie.

Jennie couldn’t pin it down but she knew _something_ happened.

The older brunette is more reserved, more serious.

 

Her smile…

Her usually dazzling smile…

The one that Jennie fell in love with,

It’s strained.

 

Jennie has tried to approach her, oh how she has tried. But, Jisoo keeps turning her away.

It’s almost as if she completely shuts down when the younger girl makes an attempt to talk to her.

It’s almost as if _she’s_ the reason Jisoo is like this in the first place.

Jennie doesn’t like the thought of that one bit.

 

Sometimes, when Lisa is half hanging off her shoulder, Jennie steals a glance at Jisoo and catches her staring, something deep and unknown swimming in her eyes.

Sometimes, when Jennie looks deeper, she thinks it’s jealousy.

Jealousy directed at Lisa.

Then, she shakes her head and brushes off the thought of such a thing.

_It’s only wishful thinking, Jen._

_Snap out of it,_ she tells herself _._

It takes one day to change it all.

 

It’s midnight on a Saturday night, a weekend, finally free of schedules. Jennie is walking past Jisoo’s room, on her way back into her own room, when she hears something that oddly sounds like a muffled whimper.

She stops.

It takes several seconds for another sound to make it past the closed doorway, but when it does, it completely breaks Jennie’s heart.

A muffled sob, quickly followed by a sharp inhalation.

She gets closer and places her hand on the doorknob, unsure of what to do.

She wants to go in.

Be there for her.

Hold her.

_Love her._

She wants the crying to stop but at the same time she doesn’t even know where she stands anymore.

The way Jisoo has been avoiding her for the past week made her question everything.

_Would she even want me there?_

Another sob escapes the girl behind the closed door and that’s all it takes for Jennie to say _screw it_ , and barge through the door unannounced.

Jisoo looks up, her puffy eyes wide in surprise.

“Jennie, what-,”

Jennie closes the distance between them in a few strides and wraps her in her arms.

“Whatever it is, just tell me and I’ll help you,” she pulls the older girl against her chest, Jisoo freezes for a moment before she melts into her embrace.

“I’ll do anything, please, just tell me.” Jennie holds her closer, wishing she could protect her from anything and everything that could possibly hurt the older girl.

Jisoo just cries harder, her tears soaking through Jennie’s shirt in mere minutes.

They stay like that, Jennie sitting on the edge of the bed and holding a shaking Jisoo against her chest, for what feels like hours.

.

.

.

.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” Jennie probes in a gentle voice.

Jisoo is silent for a long moment, Jennie thinks she won’t answer her at all.

“Did you know Lisa was in love?” Jisoo’s voice is rough, her throat sore from all the crying.

Jennie is taken aback by the question, the unexpected change in subject, but decides to go along with it.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well, she is.”

A small frown forms on Jennie’s face, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Jennie,” Jisoo looks deep into her eyes and Jennie could swear she would drown in those dark brown orbs, “she’s in love with _you_.”

Her brain stops.

_What?_

“Isn’t it ironic,” Jisoo continues, “that it’s you, here, consoling me?”

Another sob escapes her, “What am I supposed to do?” She turns and crawls further up the bed, hugging a pillow to her chest and turning her face away.

“Jisoo…what do you mean?”

_What are you saying?_

_Don’t tell me you…_

“I love her,” Jisoo mumbles into the pillow, “ever since we first met I just…I don’t know how it happened, it just did. And, now…I didn’t know it would hurt this much.”

Jennie hopelessly stares at her back, watches as her body shakes with the effort it takes to gasp for air.

She watches as the other girl breaks and she can feel her own heart ripping apart within.

She watches as the only girl she would give everything for cries for someone that isn’t her.

 

She watches and she breaks down right along with her.

 

It takes her a moment to get herself together, just enough to fully crawl into the bed and pull Jisoo into her arms once more.

Just enough to hold the silently sobbing girl through the night until she falls asleep.

Just enough, to stay strong for her.

 

But, not enough to keep her own tears from falling once the other girl is in a dreamless slumber.

_Why couldn’t you be in love with me? I would make you the happiest woman in the whole world._

_Why do you love_ her _?_

_Why not me?_

_Why?_

 

**

 

It takes three whole weeks for Jennie to come to a decision.

Three whole weeks to contemplate.

Three whole weeks to break down and build herself back up.

 

She’s sitting in the living room, pretending to watch TV, waiting for the two maknaes to return from their most recent outing.

Just then, she hears the front door open and close, the two girls make their way inside, both talking and giggling over some nonsense. Jennie straightens in her seat.

They greet her with wide smiles and Jennie can’t help but study Lisa up and down again. Not unlike the way she has been doing it for the past several weeks.

 _What is it about you?_ She wonders once more.

_What is it that she fell for?_

Chaeyoung goes into her room and Lisa is about to do the same when Jennie calls out to her.

“Lisa.”

The red haired girl freezes in her tracks, her eyes shining with something that Jennie can’t decipher.

“Yea?”

“Can we talk?”

 

 

 


	2. Apologies

 

 

 

_“Can we talk?”_

 

Three simple words.

Three words that, simultaneously, make Lisa ecstatic and fill her with absolute dread.

 

“Sure, what’s up?”

Lisa plops down on the couch, next to the older girl, with a grin.

Jennie stares at her for a moment and Lisa shifts uncomfortably.

 

Lately, Jennie had been looking at her differently.

Almost like she was sizing her up.

Like she was fully taking Lisa in and pulling her apart piece by piece, leaving no stone left unturned.

No detail unexamined.

It made Lisa nervous, to say the least.

 

“Actually,” Jennie’s eyes travel to Chaeyoung’s open bedroom door, “let’s go in my room.”

She gets up and Lisa immediately follows, still confused as to why Jennie has suddenly asked to speak alone with her.

Jennie closes the door behind them both and stands ramrod straight in front of it.

“Sit down,” she orders.

Lisa falters in her step and turns to look at the serious expression on the shorter girl’s face.

“What’s this about?”

“It’s about Jisoo.”

Lisa frowns, “What about her?”

Jennie scoffs and shifts her weight to one leg, “Are you really that oblivious?”

Lisa’s frown deepens, confusion plainly evident in her face, “What are you talking about?”

“Have you not noticed her mood change?” Jennie stalks forward.

“The way she hides away in her room when you’re all over me?”

Jennie keeps getting closer and Lisa can’t help but take a step back.

“She barely even _laughs_ anymore, for God’s sake, and you haven’t even noticed.” She hisses. “And, even when she does, it’s forced.”

“What are you- _what_?” Lisa stumbles back and falls on her rear when her knees hit the edge of the bed.

Lisa can only look up at her as she approaches.

“It’s all your fault,” Jennie glares at her and Lisa wishes she could make herself disappear. Wishes she truly understood why Jennie was mad at her. Wishes the older girl would look at her with something other than anger.

“How?”

Jennie shakes her head and snorts at the stupidity of the question.

“ _How_? Lisa, she’s _in love_ with you and you’re too blind to even realize it!”

 

_In love with me?_

_Jisoo?_

 

“Don’t you see what you did to her when you confessed?”

 

_Confessed?_

Lisa racks her brain for something, anything, that will give her an inkling to whatever it is that Jennie is talking about.

The only thing she has confessed to Jisoo recently is…

 

_No._

Her eyes widen and snap back up to meet Jennie’s angry gaze.

 

“I don’t understand what she sees in you,” Jennie mumbles and Lisa thinks that a rusty, jagged blade straight to the heart would hurt much less than those spiteful words.

Her blank gaze falls on the floor, she can feel the tears building up in her eyes, her throat is closing up on her.

She gets up, her head hung low, hair half covering her face.

She’s having a hard time breathing and her legs have never felt so weak before.

Jennie is standing right in front of her and Lisa, for the first time in her life, wishes she weren’t.

 

“I have to go,” she mutters, her strained words barely make it out of her lips before she’s side-stepping Jennie and out the door.

 

Jennie doesn’t stop her.

 

Jennie doesn’t see the tears that stain her cheeks throughout the entire night and well into the morning light.

 

She doesn’t see the gaping hole she leaves behind, where a heart full of love used to reside, with one simple sentence.

 

Eight simple words.

 

_Careless_ words.

 

**

 

Lisa’s avoiding Jennie.

 

She’s sitting on the floor, her back against the couch, legs stretched out in front of her, when Jennie walks in through the front door and makes a beeline for the living room. Lisa immediately gets up and rushes into her room.

 

Correction: Lisa’s _trying_ to avoid Jennie.

However, that is proving itself to be quite an arduous task when they work and live together.

 

She’s halfway to her room before Jennie spots her.

“Lisa, wait.”

The taller girl ignores her and slams the door behind her, locking it for precaution.

“Lisa,” Jennie sighs, leaning against the locked door, “come on, I just want to talk.”

_And rip my heart out again?_ Lisa thinks.

Lisa slumps against the door and slides down into a sitting position on the floor, her arms around her knees.

She’s trying so hard, but Jennie is always _there_.

She’s trying _so hard_ , but the lump in her throat always comes back when she sees her.

When she hears her.

When she _thinks_ about her.

.

.

.

.

She tries to swallow the lump in her throat, she feels like drowning.

“Go away.”

“Look, I’m sorry-,”

 

_No, you’re not._

 

“Leave me alone.”

“Lisa-,”

_Stop it._

 

“ _Leave!_ ” Lisa yells through the door, her voice breaking.

Jennie startles and takes a step back.

She doesn’t know how long she stands outside Lisa’s closed door, head hung in shame, before she finally decides to leave her alone for the time being.

 

Lisa had never yelled at her before.

She’d never even been angry at her.

Not really.

Not like _this_.

 

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs one last time, in hopes that two meek words would mend the bond that she so carelessly shattered.

 

**

 

Lisa’s been having the same dream for three days now.

It’s always the same. Every single detail.

 

The empty skies.

The darkness.

The trepidation.

 

Then, there’s Jennie, and with Jennie there’s light.

 

Jennie, with her sweet smile.

Jennie, with her kind words.

Jennie, with her soft, inviting hands.

 

But, then, she’s not smiling.

She’s scowling.

Her words are no longer kind; they’re cruel, taunting, _piercing_.

And, her hands, they’re still deceptively soft, but…

Suddenly, Lisa is standing at a cliffs edge and Jennie’s soft hands don’t reach out to help her, they _push_ her.

 

She’s falling, hard, and fast.

 

_“I don’t understand what she sees in you.”_

 

The words echo in her head like a broken record.

 

The world around her warps and she’s no longer falling towards the pointy, jagged ends of rocks as angry waves crash into them. She’s falling, but she’s inside a volcano, and the hot, molten lava awaits her with open arms.

 

_“I don’t understand what she sees in you.”_

 

The fall is inexplicably long, Lisa wonders when she’ll hit the bottom. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knows this shouldn’t be physically possible.

 

_Because it’s not real_ , a small voice supplies.

 

_It_ is _real._

 

_She doesn’t love me._

 

_“I don’t understand what she sees in you.”_

 

_She never will._

 

The scorching heat consumes her and she wakes with a jolt, beads of sweat cover her entire body, a scream dies in her throat.

 

Not a dream.

A _nightmare_.

 

A light knock comes at her door, “Lisa?”

 

_Chaeyoung._

 

She opens the door and pokes her head inside.

“What happened? You okay?”

Lisa nods and takes a shaky breath.

“I’m fine, just a nightmare.”

“You sure?”

“Yea.”

Chaeyoung eyes her warily, over time she has developed the uncanny ability to pick up on certain minor cues that the younger girl probably doesn’t even know of herself.

Like the way her eyes shift from her clasped hands up to Chaeyoung and back again.

An unspoken question.

She silently enters the room and closes the door behind her. Lisa watches her as she pads over the cold wooden floor and crawls into bed next to her.

From this distance Chaeyoung can hear the younger girl’s still agitated breathing. She tugs at Lisa to lay back down and pulls her into her arms.

She’s halfway to dreamland when she hears a silent voice in the distance, drowned out by her sleep-laden brain.

“Thanks, Chaeng.”

 

**

 

The next morning Lisa feels much more rested than the previous days. Having Chaeyoung sleep with her certainly helped keep the nightmares, her demons, at bay, having someone next to her always seemed to help in a way.

The sunlight is peering through the open blinds and, regretfully, shining directly onto her face. Without opening her eyes, she tosses and turns in a miserable attempt to block it out. Finally, she settles on her stomach and places the pillow over her own head with a sigh.

It’s not until several minutes later that she feels someone shift on the bed and remembers that Chaeyoung is still there. She turns so that she’s facing the warm body next to her and reaches out to give her a bear hug, knowing full well how much Chaeyoung likes to wake up to a good old morning cuddle. However, the warm body doesn’t melt into her embrace like she expects it to, it stiffens under her touch. She frowns and, for the first time that morning, opens her eyes.

_No._

_No no no._

Instead of Chaeyoung’s lazy morning smile she is greeted by Jennie’s piercing brown, cat-like eyes.

Lisa unlatches her arms from around the older girl and nearly flings herself off the bed completely. She’s about to tip over and fall off the edge when Jennie reaches out and pulls her back.

Her heart is beating out of her chest and she can’t find it in herself to settle on a single thought, a single sentence.

She can’t speak.

Her mouth won’t move.

She doesn’t realize she’s already trying to get out of bed and out of the room, away from Jennie, until she feels the older girl yank her back on the bed. Jennie wraps her in a tight embrace, almost suffocating. Lisa tries to push her away to no avail.

“ _Stop_ ,” Jennie mutters into her ear, “stop running away.”

Lisa stops trying to push her away and Jennie’s hold slackens.

It’s no longer suffocating.

It takes a few seconds for her brain to completely process what’s going on.

Jennie’s hugging her.

_But why?_

_After she said that the other day…_

_Why?_

 

Several long seconds pass and Jennie still won’t let her go. There are are numerous nagging questions running through her mind but only one makes itself heard.

“Where’s Chaeng?”

“She left earlier.”

“Where?”

“To church, it’s Sunday.”

.

.

.

.

“Why are you here?”

Jennie stiffens at the direct question and pulls back to look Lisa in the eyes.

“Rosie said you had a nightmare, she didn’t want you to be alone.”

Lisa’s eyebrows scrunch together in suspicion.

“Why are you really here?”

Jennie bites her lower lip and looks down in shame, “I just wanted you to know,” her eyes peek up from under her eyelashes, “I’m really sorry.”

A small voice within Lisa can’t help but wonder how it is that Jennie manages to look attractive even while apologizing. While doing anything and everything.

_How?_

She swiftly stops that train of thought and focuses on the current situation.

She scoffs and sits up on the bed, completely disentangling herself from the older girl.

“Okay, you can go now.”

Jennie sits up and shuffles closer to the red-head again.

“Lisa, _please_ , I wasn’t-,” she racks her brain for the correct phrasing, she doesn’t want to ruin everything again, “I shouldn’t have- I didn’t mean that. What I said; I didn’t mean it.”

“It sure sounded like you did.”

“I was angry, I wasn’t thinking,” she places a hand on Lisa’s shoulder in hopes that physical contact would soften the younger girl.

Lisa merely nods after a while and keeps silent.

Jennie takes that as a good sign and her hand moves up from the younger’s shoulder up to cup her cheek.

“I know I hurt your feelings,” Lisa’s eyes meet hers, she can see the tears threatening to spill, “and I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry.” She pulls the red-head closer and places a gentle kiss on her forehead.

She’s now kneeling before Lisa, hugging her against her chest.

“You’re one of my best friends and I love you, I do, but,” she pauses and prays to all the gods that her next words won’t break the girl in her arms. When she speaks again her voice is just above a whisper, “I don’t love you the way you love me… I can’t.”

She feels the exact moment the words hit Lisa.

The younger girl hadn’t been hugging her back, but the second those words left her lips Lisa’s arms wrapped themselves around her waist in a near death grip.

The older girl’s shirt was clutched in her fists, like it was her last life line.

Jennie can feel the red-head’s nails through her thin shirt, painfully digging into the sensitive skin of her back.

She doesn’t complain.

 

She can only hold her.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Lisa doesn’t cry.

She holds it in.

She grits her teeth and holds it all in.

She thinks she’s cried more than enough the previous couple of days. Her crying quota for the entire year has certainly been met. And, so, after several long moments of clutching on to Jennie like she is her only grip on reality, she starts to let go.

She realizes that, just as she can’t control her own feelings, Jennie can’t control hers.

Once again, it hits her; _life is full of harsh realities._

_Love is one of them._

 

She takes a deep breath and holds it. She releases the death grip she has on Jennie’s shirt and lets go, her voice nothing but a murmur, “I understand.”

 

**

 

Jennie couldn’t do it.

She couldn’t ask Lisa.

Not after the younger girl had just forgiven her.

 

She saw her, sitting there, so resolute, looking like she was ready to face an entire army, but her eyes…

Her eyes told a different story.

Jennie told herself she would wait.

 

She wants Jisoo to be happy again, to smile, to laugh, but she’ll have to _wait_.

_Another time._

 

**

 

Lisa slowly starts to go back to her usual self, she tries to keep her mood in check around the other members but they can still tell something is off. Jennie is giving her space. Jisoo is still keeping her distance, ever since the confession. Chaeyoung, however, is constantly questioning and scrutinizing her every move. Lisa wishes she would stop because she’s not ready to talk things through with anyone just yet.

She’s struggling to move on as quickly as possible but that proves itself fruitless the first week after her conversation with Jennie. So, she decides that keeping herself busy is the best way to go. Seeing this as her only option, she has a talk with YG. Several talks. All of which include her practically begging him to let her join a dancing competition or _something_ , anything really.

“I know we’re on break and supposed to be focusing on preparations for our next promotions but this is something I’ve wanted to do for ages.”

YG regards her like a father does his child.

“And you say you have enough stamina to go through with promotional preparations _and_ practice for whatever program you end up joining?”

“Yes! Plus,” she reasons, “it’ll be good for group promotions too, so it’s a win-win.”

YG hums and nods, the pen in his hand rhythmically tapping against the sleek, dark mahogany table. This is the third time Lisa has approached him about the subject within one week. The girl is persistent.

_Very_ persistent.

One of his hands comes up to thoughtfully rub at his chin.

Lisa shifts in her spot, full of tension.

“I’ll have a talk about it with your manager.”

Lisa nearly screams from excitement, a large grin plastered on her face, “Thank you, sir!” She bows and waits for her signal to leave.

YG nods and waves at her as permission to exit his office. It’s not until she is out the door that his face breaks out into a full smile.

“Still as energetic as ever,” he chuckles to himself.

 

Within four days Lisa receives the good news from their manager; everything has already been set up and she has been entered to participate in the show Top Star.

Lisa, unable to contain herself, jumps around in glee and squeals like a child after receiving their most desired present on a Christmas morning.

She immediately throws herself into practice. Shooting for the first episode, where all the idols basically have to audition for the show, starts in two weeks. She wants to be ready.

She’s glad to have something else to help keep her mind off things.

 

**

 

Jennie observes Lisa. For a week and a half, she keeps a close eye on her, hoping for a change, looking for a chance.

Lisa is no longer avoiding her.

She also no longer looks like her entire world shattered before her very eyes every time her fleeting gaze falls upon the older girl.

 

_Jisoo still does when she looks at_ her _though,_ part of her brain supplies.

 

_This is it_ , Jennie thinks.

 

She approaches the younger girl as soon as they get back in the dorm, this is not a conversation she wants to have out in public.

Without a single word, Jennie takes Lisa’s hand and drags her into her room. Lisa turns to her in shock but lets herself be led anyway.

 

“I’m going to ask you something and I need you to promise not to be angry and start ignoring me again.”

Lisa looks at her skeptically, almost like she’s grown two heads.

“I can’t promise anything without knowing what you’re going to ask.”

Jennie sighs, her shoulders slouch.

_There’s no other way_ , she tells herself.

_If I can’t…then it has to be her._

She sucks in a deep breath and steels herself. Her hands hold on to Lisa’s shoulders to keep her in place, a part of her knows, somehow, that Lisa will try to run away again.

Lisa stares at her dubiously, maybe letting Jennie drag her around wasn’t such a good idea.

.

.

.

.

“I want you to be with Jisoo.”

 

 

 


	3. Catalyst

 

 

 

 

 

_“I want you to be with Jisoo.”_

 

The moment the words are out of her mouth she feels Lisa’s shoulders tense under her hands, her eyes are filled with shock and she is openly gaping.

“You… _what_?”

Lisa tries to take a step back out of Jennie’s hold but the brunette refuses to let go and steps along with her.

The red-head takes another step back and shrugs off the brunette’s hands before turning away, “I can’t do this, I need to g-,”

“Lisa, _no_ ,” Jennie latches onto the taller girl, her arms firmly wrapped around her waist and her forehead resting against her back, “just listen to me, please.”

_She’s my last hope._

Lisa stops in her tracks, unable to detach herself from the shorter girl. She glances down at the hands wrapped around her waist and, not for the first time, she wishes those hands were there because Jennie loved her, not because she wanted something from her. She silently stands there for a moment, contemplating, part of her wants to run away from this, from the pain, from anything and everything that is Jennie Kim. But, the other part…the other part wants to brave the pain and _take_ , take any single scrap of love, or anything remotely resembling it, that Jennie is willing to give her.

She takes a resigned breath and gently places her hands over Jennie’s, her voice soft, “What is it? Why would you want me to…? Just, why?”

Jennie loosens her grip on Lisa and tugs at her to turn back around. Lisa complies, a frown on her face. Jennie is still holding her arms when she speaks again, her words sincere, “I want her to be happy.”

A flash of pain passes through Lisa’s eyes before her frown deepens and she lowers her gaze.

_What about me?_

“I want her to be happy but I can’t be the one to make her happy,” Jennie continues, her voice strained with the effort it takes to say the words out loud, “she loves _you_ , not me…It has to be you.”

Lisa purses her lips and starts to shake her head, “I-,”

“Please, let me finish.”

The red-head’s eyes snap back to the shorter girl and she nods.

“I want to make a deal with you,” Jennie pauses to gauge the younger girl’s reaction, “If you manage to make her happy again, for as long as you make her happy…I’ll give you anything.”

 _I just want you to love me, but I can’t ask for that, can I?_ The red-head thinks.

Her mouth opens and closes several times before she finally settles on what she wants to say.

“Anything?”

Jennie nods and takes a shaky breath, “Anything.”

She brings one of her hands up to gently caress Lisa’s face, her eyes full of something that Lisa can’t quite discern.

.

.

.

.

“I’ll be yours.”

“W-what?”

Lisa’s brain nearly short circuits with the combination of Jennie’s gentle touch and her words.

“I’m saying I’ll be yours, Lisa. I may not be in love with you like Jisoo is and I know it would be extremely unfair of me to ask you to be with her when you don’t love her that way either, especially when you have nothing to gain… That’s why…I’m willing to give you this.”

Jennie starts to lean forward, aiming for Lisa’s lips, her eyes already closed, Jisoo’s smiling face flashing through her mind.

 

_Her smile._

_Her sparkling eyes._

_Her lips…_

 

In a split second her lips are nothing but scant centimeters away from Lisa’s, the red-head’s hot breath hitting her face with every exhale.

Until it’s not.

 

Jennie feels the younger girl lean back from her original position, away from her. She opens her eyes only to see a flustered Lisa, staring back at her with a mix of conflicting emotions.

“What are you doing?”

Jennie’s eyebrows furrow together.

_Is this not what she wanted?_

“I’m kissing you.”

“Why?”

“I just said-,”

“I know what you said, I just- I don’t-,” she fumbles with her words.

She does. She wants to give in and take it. She wants to take it all. She wants to taste Jennie’s lips and treasure the memory. She wants to hold her through the night while she sleeps. She wants everything she has to give. But, above all else, she wants her heart. And her heart, regrettably, is not what Jennie is offering.

“I can’t,” she lightly pushes Jennie away and shakes her head, “Not like this.”

“But-,”

“I’m sorry.”

Lisa turns and walks away before her traitorous brain decides to throw it all to hell and dive right in to her deepest, darkest desires.

She doesn’t even stop to take one last look at the defeated brunette she leaves in her wake.

Not once.

Not because she doesn’t want to but because she knows, within a fragment of a second, just one look from those deep brown eyes, she would cave in and give her anything she asked for.

 

**

 

Lisa, even with her packed schedule, couldn’t stop thinking about Jennie.

She couldn’t stop the words from repeating in themselves in her head.

_“I’ll be yours.”_

Taunting her.

_“I’ll be yours.”_

Provoking her inner desires.

_“I’ll be yours.”_

Lisa spins around and drops to her knees on the floor, her finishing move for the dance routine. Her dance tousled hair falls over her face and sticks to her due to the perspiration. She sits there for a minute, catching her breath after practicing the same routine for several long hours. She had the routine down pat after the second time she saw her choreographer going through the steps but she wanted to practice. So, she kept going, on and on. These days she found that dancing was the only thing she could do to distract herself, even if just for a while.

But, when the dancing stops, all the thoughts she’s been trying to block away come rushing back, nearly ten times louder than before.

She takes another breath and sweeps her hair out of her face, she can feel the sweat drops rolling down her back and it is certainly not the most pleasant feeling in the world. She turns off the music and the lights then grabs the bag she left by the practice room door to head out.

A hot shower, she thinks, is something she desperately needs.

 

**

 

“Where have you been?”

Lisa looks up, startled to find a glaring Chaeyoung blocking her path into their dorm.

“I- I was- practice,” she stutters and mentally facepalms for being unable to control her own voice in front of an angry Chaeyoung.

“Practice?” Chaeyoung raises a finely sculpted brow.

“Yeah,” Lisa nods, “for the show I told you about.”

“If I remember correctly, you also told me you learned almost the whole routine on the very first day,” Chaeyoung points out.

Lisa’s eyes widen and she scrambles to come up with an excuse but Chaeyoung beats her to the punch.

“It’s been a week, Lice, it doesn’t take you a week to learn a routine. Why are you really doing this?”

“I told you-,”

“ _Lalisa_ ,” Chaeyoung’s voice instantly changes and Lisa knows she’s in for it because Chaeyoung never uses her full name unless Lisa has done something incredibly stupid.

“If you think you can go around avoiding all of us and get away with it,” Lisa opens her mouth to protest but Chaeyoung swiftly covers it and cuts her off before any words come out, “you’re _wrong_. I’m not stupid, I notice things, I know something’s going on with you. Even Jisoo and Jennie are acting weird. So, what is it?”

“It’s noth-,”

“If you say _it’s nothing_ one more time, I swear to God, Lisa, you will regret it.”

“It’s- I-,” Lisa’s eyes shift about the room in panic, she can’t just lie to Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung, upon noticing the younger girl’s reluctance and stiff stance, softens up and releases a sigh.

“Look, whatever it is,” she places her hands on Lisa’s shoulders and gives her a comforting look, “you don’t have to tell me now, I won’t make you. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything and I’ll be here no matter what, okay?”

Lisa’s eyes start to tear up at the heartfelt words and she cracks a grin to keep herself from crying in front of the older girl. To lighten the mood, she lightly smacks Chaeyoung on the arm, “What are you, an actress in a drama?”

Chaeyoung instantly smiles and smacks her back, “No, you idiot, I’m just a good friend.” She swings her arm over Lisa’s shoulders and drags her inside the dorm.

“A _really_ good friend,” she adds while further messing up Lisa’s hair.

The red-head wraps an arm around her waist and lets her have her way, a chuckle escaping her lips.

“Whatever you say, Chaeng.”

 

**

 

Jisoo is laying on her bed, scrolling through social media on her phone almost unconsciously. She can hear Lisa and Chaeyoung walking by and giggling outside her bedroom door but she opts to ignore them in hopes that the pesky little feeling called envy would leave her be.

Then, all of a sudden, Jennie’s voice joins the two and the small spark of envy turns into a raging inferno because she knows just how Lisa feels about the other brunette.

She huffs, turns her phone off and throws it across her bed.

Keeping her distance from Lisa is much harder than she initially anticipated. Part of her knows that, if she wants to move on from her unrequited feelings, this is the way to do it. The other part, however, is tearing at her from the inside. Keeping herself away from the younger girl for nearly a month and a half has her on edge. She closes her eyes and memories of a younger Lisa instantly cross her mind. Lisa with her sweet, gentle, smile and her broken Korean.

 

_Lisa._

 

_I can’t go on like this forever._

 

_I can’t stay away anymore._

 

_I’d rather have her friendship than nothing at all._

 

**

 

The audition for the show comes and goes and Lisa’s thoughts come unravelling the second she is told that she is officially cast to appear on the next several episodes, until she is eliminated, of course. Her focus, which was previously on the one dance routine, instantly shifts back to the real problem at hand: her own feelings and everyone else involved.

Some say that it is useless to run from your problems.

Lisa, with time, has come to learn just how true that really is.

 

“Hey.”

Jisoo’s husky voice reaches her ears and Lisa’s body goes on alert. Not because she’s scared, but because it’s Jisoo.

Jisoo, who hasn’t had a real conversation with her for over two months.

Jisoo, who has noticeably been avoiding her ever since she confessed her feelings for Jennie.

Jisoo, whose heart she unknowingly broke.

Jisoo, the girl she no longer knows how to face because she’s afraid of breaking her heart the way Jennie broke hers.

“Hey,” she manages to choke out, very much conscious of the fact that she almost stuttered.

“I heard the big news,” Jisoo smiles down at her before unceremoniously sitting on the couch beside her.

“Our little dancer finally got into a show and got the highest entry rating, what a feat,” Jisoo pokes at her side and Lisa can’t help but smile back at her.

“Thanks,” Lisa bashfully ducks her head.

“Really, though,” Jisoo’s voice lowers to a near whisper and Lisa can almost feel the sentiment interlaced with her words, “you’re amazing, I’m so proud of you.”

Lisa’s eyes snap up to meet Jisoo’s the second the older girl’s hand reaches out to caress her cheek.

She sees it then.

The pure, unadulterated, love written all over her face and, for the very first time in her life, Lisa wonders just how blind she could have been to never notice until that very moment.

The words of pleasantry she had prepared get lodged up in her throat and she stares at the older girl far longer than she intends to. Jisoo, ever conscious of herself, immediately retracts her traitorous hand and mumbles an apology that she doesn’t wholeheartedly mean. Lisa, who is instantly knocked out of her stupor at the loss of the tender touch, reaches out to hold her hand, a warm smile spreading upon her lips.

“I’m proud of you, too.”

_I don’t want to hurt you._

Jisoo’s cheeks tinge red and Lisa knows that her words did a little more than she actually intended them to.

“For what? I haven’t-,”

She decides to backtrack a bit and take a different approach, a smile still plastered on her face.

“You’re right, your dancing could definitely use some more improvement but-,”

“Hey!” Jisoo smacks her thigh and Lisa can’t help but laugh at the offended look on her face.

She rubs at the sore spot and pouts, “Hey, that’s harassment, you know?”

Inside, though, she’s elated at how quickly and easily they were able to fall back into their usual banter without extended moments of awkwardness.

“I barely even touched you, stop being dramatic,” Jisoo shoves her away and Lisa lets herself flop down on the couch, her legs easily kicking up and resting on Jisoo’s lap. Jisoo doesn’t protest much after that, her hands come up to rest on Lisa’s ankles and gently trace random patterns around them with her fingertips.

They stay like that, both seemingly distracted by the show on the TV, yet lost in their own thoughts.

 

**

 

It happens during a photoshoot.

One second they’re all having fun while posing, playing with the props, and making faces at each other, but then the photographer asks Jennie and Lisa to pose together and everything changes.

He wants to capture an intimate scene, he says.

Something deeper.

Meaningful.

Lisa’s hands are cold and clammy, she can already feel her heart nearly beating out of her chest. Part of her wonders if Jennie can hear it, especially considering just how close they’re standing to one another. She can feel the heat radiating off Jennie, she can smell her intoxicating scent, and she can feel the soft brush of their cheeks together.

Jennie, being one to take control of situations when she feels is needed, takes the initiative to hold one Lisa’s hands and intertwine their fingers. Her warm hands wrap around cold, clammy ones and she knows just how nervous the younger girl must be. She squeezes her hand once and wraps an arm around her waist to pull her closer in hopes of getting the photoshoot done as fast as possible. That, however, seems to have a counteractive effect because she actually _hears_ Lisa’s breathing rhythm pick up, she’s nearly panting. Then, when Jennie turns to look at her and make sure the younger girl is alright, their faces are so close together that her lips brush against the corner of Lisa’s red painted ones and over her cheek. A flash goes off in her peripheral vision and she hears Lisa’s breath catch in her throat.

 _Oh_.

The photographer is suddenly clapping and praising them for achieving such a scene in only a couple of shots.

 _Captivating_ , he calls it.

Jennie plasters a smile on her face and chances a glance behind him, where the rest of the crew and the makeup artists are.

Where Jisoo is standing.

In that moment, she sees so much more than she ever wanted to.

The shock.

The envy.

And, most important of all, _betrayal_.

Jennie takes a step back and detaches herself from the unmoving frame that Lisa became. She bows to the photographer, who is still ranting on about how great of a shot it truly was, and to the rest of the crew on the set before making her way towards the other girls.

Jisoo instantly turns away and pretends to be busy with something on her phone. Jennie deflates and slumps into a waiting chair.

She doesn’t notice the lost, and very confused, eyes of a certain red-head staring after her.

“Miss Park, you’re next.”

There is only space for one thing in her brain; one person:

 

_Jisoo._

 

**

 

Lisa did take notice of Jisoo’s reaction after the little incident at the photoshoot, but her mind didn’t fully process until several days later.

She’s in the practice room, after hours, her choreographer only stopped by for two hours to make sure she was on track, going through every single step over and over.

It hits her then.

 

Jennie wants to make Jisoo happy.

Jisoo would only be happy with _her_.

And she would only be happy with Jennie.

 

It was all so simple, yet so… _complicated_.

 

Her thoughts are interrupted when she hears the practice room door open and her attention is promptly taken away from her dance steps. She glances up into the large mirrors that span the entire wall in front of her and catches sight of long, dark, hair before the person starts to speak.

She had been expecting Chaeyoung, knowing full well how the slightly older girl needlessly worried over her all the time. The person who showed up, however, was certainly not her angel-faced best friend.

“Jennie,” she breathes and turns to face the older girl, “what are you doing here?”

Jennie silently eyes her for a moment, taking in her disheveled appearance, before she opts to speak.

“I came to get you.”

“To get me?” Lisa questions dubiously.

“Chaeng’s worried you’ll kill yourself with all this practice,” she motions around the room.

Lisa snorts and grabs a towel to dry off some of the sweat, “So, she sent you?”

Jennie shrugs in a _what-can-I-do_ manner and cocks her head to the side, “Are you done?”

Lisa absentmindedly nods and picks up her bag on her way to the door, Jennie walks ahead, her hand already on the handle. Then, before Jennie has a chance to fully open the door, Lisa places a hand on top of the latter’s and pushes the wooden frame so it’s closed once more. The brunette turns and gives her a questioning look.

“What-,”

“About what you said before,” Lisa starts and Jennie’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. Lisa glances down at her shoes then back up at the awaiting eyes of the shorter girl.

“Your deal,” she adds.

Jennie’s eyes widen in realization.

.

.

.

.

“I’ll do it.”

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Questions

 

 

 

 

 _“_ _I’ll do it.”_

 

“You will?” Jennie asks in disbelief. After asking Lisa that first time and being refused she had assumed that Lisa wouldn’t go back on her word but now, here she stands, completely taken off guard.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

Lisa nods, her face a mask of resolution.

“But…why?”

“I-,” Lisa stops herself before she can blurt out the stupidest thing she could possibly say in that moment.

 

 _I love you_.

 

“I…” she trails of, the sentence naturally completing itself in her head.

 

_I would do anything for you._

Jennie scrunches her eyebrows and cocks her head to the side, her eyes questioning, “What?”

Lisa meets her eyes, takes a moment to steel herself and tries, with all her might, to rid her mind of the traitorous words that would open her up and expose her to the shorter girl.

“I think…maybe this is the only way. If I can make Jisoo unnie happy,” she trails off again, staring at the empty space beside Jennie. She licks her dry lips and continues, “You just want her to be happy and I-,” her eyes travel back to Jennie’s and she sees the older girl visibly soften at her words, almost as if she already knows what Lisa is trying to say, “We may not all get what we want out of this but…a little happiness is better than none, isn’t it?”

Jennie takes one good look at the taller girl and, for just a second, she thinks that maybe she does understand why Jisoo fell for her in the first place. She quickly files that thought away in the dark recesses of her mind and forgets it ever popped into her consciousness in the first place. Then, without a second thought, she pulls the taller girl into a tight hug, their bodies melding together. She can feel the younger girl’s sweat cling to her own body and fleetingly thinks that she’ll need to shower again later. But, in that moment, she couldn’t care less because Lisa said _yes_ , and really, that’s all Jennie wanted from her.

 

_Jisoo will finally be happy._

“Thank you,” she mumbles into the crook of Lisa’s neck and feels the younger girl shiver under her touch, she ignores it and tightens the hug for a second before letting her go altogether.

Lisa, still shocked from the sudden hug and the way Jennie’s hot breath tickled against the sensitive skin of her neck, is unable to form any words. She numbly nods and proceeds to exit the room.

The ride back to their dorm is quiet, neither girl wanting to break the peaceful silence. It isn’t until they’re both standing just outside the door that leads into the dorm that Jennie tugs at Lisa’s arm to get her attention.

“Wait,” her voice just above a whisper so only Lisa can hear her, “how- what are you going to tell her?”

“Jisoo?”

Jennie nods.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll think of something.”

Jennie can’t help but be aggravated at her tone, the way the words slip out of Lisa’s mouth, as if lying to Jisoo would be the easiest thing in the world. She grates her teeth together and keeps mum. If she were to truly speak her mind at this point she would surely send Lisa running once more.

“Okay.”

 

**

 

Lisa has a plan.

She _does_.

 

Kind of.

 

A soft knock at her door suddenly interrupts her train of thoughts and she looks away from her phone to see a short brunette poking her head inside the threshold.

“Hey,” Jisoo’s husky voice reaches her ears and Lisa’s so-called plan completely escapes her.

“U-unnie, hey.”

“I thought you’d be asleep by now, your lights are off.”

“What would you do if I was asleep though, sneak in and, what?”

“I wouldn’t really call it sneaking, you sleep like a rock, there’s no need to sneak anywhere,” Jisoo makes her way inside and closes the door behind herself, the bright moonlight guiding her steps.

Lisa opens her mouth in offense and chucks a pillow at the brunette, “I do not!”

Jisoo laughs and catches the pillow in midair, “Have you _seen_ yourself sleep?”

“I- no, but,”

“But nothing, I have proof and you don’t.”

“What?”

Jisoo plops down on the bed next to the red-head and makes herself comfortable.

“I even have a video of it in my phone,” she says nonchalantly.

“What?! Why?”

“We were making all kinds of noise, Dalgom was barking and walked all over you, but you were just lying there, sleeping like the dead. It was funny so I took a video of it.”

“When did that even happen?”

“Last year.”

“And you still have it?” Lisa asks incredulously.

“Of course, it’s perfect blackmailing material for the future,” Jisoo turns to her, eyes sparkling with the reflection of the stars and a wicked grin on her face.

“You’re evil, you know that?”

“Just a little.”

Lisa shakes her head at the older girl and settles back down from her sitting position.

She turns to glance at Jisoo who is quietly admiring her side profile, “Are you staying?”

Ages have passed since the last time they both shared a bed together and Jisoo misses it much more than she’ll ever admit. When she opens her mouth to speak, her voice is much quieter, completely void of her previously jesting tone, “Can I?”

Lisa smiles, unable to contain herself. Sometimes Jisoo is so cute, it makes her wonder who the real maknae is in their group.

“Of course.”

Lisa closes her eyes and feels the older girl shift closer towards her body. Jisoo tries to be subtle about getting closer but completely fails when the bed creaks under her weight. She wants to cuddle with the younger girl but is afraid of initiating contact. Ever since Lisa confessed her feelings for Jennie, and Jisoo became increasingly more aware of her own attraction towards the red-head, initiating contact with said girl became odd. She felt as if she was somehow tainting their friendship every time she touched her. Every time she even _thought_ about touching her guilt consumed her from the inside out.

Lisa, fully aware of Jisoo’s hovering hand, makes the decision for her and pulls the shorter girl closer. She wraps her arms around her small frame and tucks the older girl’s head under her chin, the latter’s arms naturally wrapping themselves around her waist. She feels the shaky breath that the brunette releases against her collarbone and wonders if she affects Jisoo just as much as Jennie affects her.

They lay in peaceful silence for a couple of minutes before Lisa’s soft voice cuts through the atmosphere.

“I made a decision.”

“Hm?”

“About Jennie.”

As soon as she utters the name she feels Jisoo stiffen in her arms and hold her breath. Part of her can relate because that’s exactly how she feels whenever Jennie talks about Jisoo like she’s the only thing in the entire world that matters. And yet, here she is, holding Jisoo against her own body as if she doesn’t burn with jealousy whenever Jennie chooses her instead. But, somehow, she doesn’t dislike Jisoo. A small part of her wishes she could blame Jisoo for her misfortune and unrequited feelings for Jennie but she can’t.

She doesn’t hate Jisoo.

Not really.

She probably never will.

Lisa, in hopes of calming her, gently runs a soothing hand over the older girl’s back and continues, “I won’t tell her.”

“What?”

“I won’t tell Jennie about…you know.”

“Why not?”

“I really don’t think she feels the same way and,” she racks her brain for a plausible explanation, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

 _Maybe it already is_ , a small voice in the back of her head supplies.

Jisoo releases a soft _Oh_ , confusion and slight disappointment in herself seeping through her tone. Lisa is trying to keep her friendship with Jennie intact and here she is, lying in Lisa’s embrace, wishing she could ruin _theirs_ because, really, all she wants is to kiss the red-head’s tantalizing lips and be _hers_.

But she can’t.

She tries to remind herself, over and over.

 

_I can’t._

_I shouldn’t._

It doesn’t work.

It never will.

Her feelings are her own worst enemy.

 

 _Coming into her room was a bad idea_ , she thinks.

_I need space._

_I can’t think straight._

 

Just when it seems like she’s about to pull away from Lisa’s embrace, the younger girl holds her tighter, unknowingly bringing Jisoo’s face closer against her chest. Jisoo takes a breath and holds it, she can smell Lisa’s body wash, her shampoo, her lotion. And, underneath the mix of sweet and fruity smells is something, so purely _Lisa_ , that makes her mouth water and crave for her taste.

She attempts to pull away one more time only to be pulled back.

“Lisa,” she huffs against the younger girl’s skin.

“What?”

“Let me turn around.”

The red-head lets her go and Jisoo swiftly turns away from temptation incarnate.

_I deserve a medal._

Not a second passes before she feels Lisa’s arm wrap around her waist and pull her closer again, melding herself to Jisoo’s back side. Jisoo can now feel Lisa’s hot breath against the back of her neck and takes a moment to marvel at how something that feels _so good_ can feel like such absolute torture at the very same time.

 _Sweet_ torture, but torture nonetheless.

Jisoo closes her eyes and wishes, with all her might, that her feelings for Lisa would just go away.

Go away never to return again.

Go away and let her live in peace because she wants to treasure their friendship for the years to come, not ruin it with her selfish desires.

 

It doesn’t work.

It never has.

It never will.

 

**

 

“Have you talked to her yet?”

The words barely register in Lisa’s sleep addled brain before she sees the brunette in her peripheral vision, walking around the countertop and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Lisa lazily lifts the spoon of cereal to her waiting mouth and mulls over the words, still trying to comprehend what the shorter girl means. It isn’t until Jennie walks over and sets the half-empty bottle of water down directly in front of her that she glances up and snaps out of her morning haze. Her eyes travel from the bottle up to the tanned hand holding it. Further up, along the outline of her toned arm and to her heaving chest. Lisa’s gaze travels down on instinct because Jennie is wearing a black sports bra and her traitorous eyes are starving to behold the beauty in front of her. Her eyes fall upon the girl’s toned abdomen and she nearly chokes on the cereal in her mouth. The way the sunlight is hitting Jennie makes her look ethereal, she’s sweaty and still trying to get her breath under control but to Lisa she looks like an absolute masterpiece carved by the gods themselves.

“You okay?” Jennie taps her back in an attempt to help but that only sends Lisa further into a coughing fit.

Lisa’s eyes start to water and she fumbles to clear her throat. Jennie hands her the bottle of water she’d been holding and makes her drink the rest of the liquid until her airways are finally clear.

“I’m fine,” Lisa finally manages to choke out.

“Jeez, if practice won’t kill you, eating cereal definitely will.”

Lisa rolls her teary eyes and cracks a grin at the latter’s attempt to joke around.

_Neither of those will kill me, you will._

The thought is brief but Lisa agrees wholeheartedly because Jennie Kim is fire and Lisa would gladly fling herself into the raging inferno if it meant she would be welcome by the brunette’s burning embrace.

Her eyes naturally scan over Jennie’s body once and her thoughts are reaffirmed.

_I’m fucked._

“So?” Jennie questions.

“So,” she clears her throat once more and subtly averts her gaze away from the older girl’s body, “what?”

“Have you talked to her yet?”

Lisa nods, her throat still sore from the coughing fit.

Jennie pulls out a chair and sits down right next to her, she leans in as if afraid the walls will hear and spill their secrets for the world to hear, “What did you say?”

Lisa silently starts tracing the random patterns of the mahogany table as a means of avoiding Jennie’s searching eyes.

“I told her I wouldn’t confess my feelings to you.”

Lisa’s blunt response leaves Jennie speechless. Sure, she already knew. Jisoo had told her and the way Lisa’s eyes lingered on her body whenever she thought she was being inconspicuous was all too obvious. But this, Lisa admitting out loud that she did have feelings for her, was different. It made things all the more real.

Guilt starts churning in Jennie’s stomach and she stomps it down until there is nothing but a frail wisp of a feeling.

“Good.”

From the corner of her eyes she can see Lisa’s crestfallen look, it makes her wish she didn’t notice in the first place because, deep down, she knows that such a bright soul should never look like her dreams have shattered before her very eyes.

“Good morning,” Chaeyoung announces her entrance into the dining area, unlike Lisa she is already dressed and set for the day. Her gentle gaze lingers on Lisa for a moment before it falls upon Jennie and hardens into something that Jennie has only ever seen directed at someone who has wronged the younger girl. One of Jennie’s brows twitches in reaction to the hard stare-down.

_Did she hear?_

When Lisa finally snaps out of her momentary lapse in control a splitting smile is plastered on her face at the sight of the tall brunette, “Morning, Chaeng!”

Chaeyoung breaks eye contact with Jennie and smiles back at the red-head.

“You’re up early, what’s the deal?”

“I was hungry and craving mangoes but we don’t have any,” Lisa pouts and pushes her empty bowl away, “so I got cereal.”

Chaeyoung chuckles and shakes her head, “If you hurry up and get ready we can go buy some mangoes and some other stuff we need, I’ll text manager unnie.”

Lisa’s entire demeanor lights up, “Really?”

The tall brunette nods and shoos her away, the smile on her face quickly replaced by a frown when Lisa disappears into her room to get ready.

She regards Jennie for several long seconds before breaking the silence, her voice stern.

“What was that about?”

“What was what about?” Jennie pretends to examine her empty water bottle as if it contains the secrets of the universe.

“I heard you talking, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know what-,”

“Stop acting like you don’t know, you _do_ know, and you should also know by now that Lisa ends up telling me almost everything.”

Jennie finally stops playing with the water bottle and meets Chaeyoung’s steely gaze.

“What has she told you?”

The latter’s voice falters, if only slightly, “She…hasn’t, yet.”

Chaeyoung wants to be patient, she really does, but it is utterly infuriating seeing Lisa go around pouring out all her energy into things if only to keep herself busy at all times. She just wants Lisa to stop running away from whatever it is she’s avoiding and help her confront it.

“Then,” Jennie contemplates, “maybe you should wait for her to tell you.”

“What feelings was she talking about?”

Jennie panics at the direct question, “I- it’s really not my place to say, you should ask her.”

Chaeyoung’s eyes narrow in suspicion again but she’s suddenly interrupted by loud barking coming out of Lisa’s room.

“Dalgom, no!”

Immediately followed by more barking and a crashing noise.

Both Jennie and Chaeyoung snap into attention and half sprint into the younger girl’s room. They scan the room only to see a half-awake Jisoo drowsily rubbing at her eyes, Dalgom’s white tail sticking out from under the bed, and Lisa, surrounded by scattered clothing and a terror-stricken face.

“What happened?” Jisoo is the first to break the tense atmosphere.

“He,” Lisa numbly gestures at Dalgom’s hiding figure, “he broke it.”

All three girls can clearly hear the devastation in Lisa’s voice, they look around the room once more only to spot the scattered pieces of broken glass. Jennie and Chaeyoung stand and stare, unsure of what to do. Jisoo’s eyes flicker from the broken glass back to Lisa’s distressed face.

“What was it?”

“A snow globe.”

Not just a simple snow globe, though.

 

_A gift._

The other three girls silently watch as Lisa walks over, kneels, and starts to pick up the fragmented remains with her bare hands.

“Lisa-,” Jisoo starts before Chaeyoung moves forward to stop the younger girl.

“Hey, hey, wait, you’ll cut yourself,” Chaeyoung holds her hands before she can pick up the pieces of glass.

“But-,”

“We can’t fix it, it’s completely shattered.”

Sadness overwhelms Lisa’s face and Jennie jumps in to try and make the best out of the situation, “Look, we can just get you another one, it’ll be fine.”

Her words, however, do nothing to pacify the youngest. The fact that Jennie doesn’t even recognize the importance of said item hits her and another crack imbeds itself in her heart.

 

It was a snow globe that contained a gleaming white castle surrounded by frozen pine trees.

 

The first gift Jennie ever gave her.

To Lisa, it always symbolized their ever-growing friendship.

 

Now, though, it is simply a gift Jennie doesn’t even remember giving her.

 

_Broken._

 

**

 

Jisoo feels guilty.

It’s eating her up from the inside out.

She can’t forget the sadness that crept over Lisa’s face when she saw the snow globe lying in pieces. Jisoo knows it must have meant much more to her than she said, especially considering it had been a permanent fixture in Lisa’s room for the past several years. Jisoo doesn’t remember a time when it _wasn’t_ there.

She can’t help but think that if she hadn’t gone into Lisa’s room late at night Dalgom wouldn’t have snuck in to be with her in the morning and the globe wouldn’t be broken.

It isn’t until later in the day, after Chaeyoung has finally convinced Lisa to go out with her and buy the mangoes she’d been craving, that Jisoo gets an idea.

She calls one of their managers and convinces him to drive her to a small, low-profile, antiques shop. She spends hours searching the shelves for something similar to the one Lisa had, to no avail. Her shoulders slump and she releases a deep sigh in defeat.

_I’ll never find one like it._

Just then, when she looks back up, something catches her eye.

A small snow globe, tucked into the corner, behind all the larger and more colorful ones. She reaches over the others and pulls out the small one. It contains a tiny wooden cabin surrounded by several pine trees, snow just starting to build up at the top. She examines it further and notes how the cabin looks like it is lit from within, it’s full of warmth and welcoming, a great contrast to the cold forest surrounding it. A smile tugs at the corner of her lips and she knows she has found it because something about this particular snow globe caught her attention but she can’t quite put her finger on it.

 

She makes it back to the dorm before the other girls and manages to get the small globe wrapped and into Lisa’s room before the red-head returns from her outing.

“What are you doing?”

Jisoo’s wide eyes snap up to meet Jennie’s questioning gaze.

“Jeez, you scared me,” her hand comes up to rest over her racing heart.

“Were you sneaking into her room?”

“Kind of?”

“What for?”

“I got her something,” Jisoo leisurely makes her way over to the couch and sits down to watch TV. Jennie follows her and plops down at her side.

“Is it because of the thing this morning?”

“Yea…I still feel bad, did you see her expression? She’s had it for years, it definitely meant something to her.”

Jennie absently nods and pretends to cast her attention on the TV so her next question doesn’t carry as much weight, “What were you even doing in her room this morning?”

“When did you turn into a detective, Jendeukie?” Jisoo nudges her arm and grins.

“What? I wasn’t- I was just asking, jeez,” Jennie pouts and starts surfing through the channels like her life depends on it.

Jisoo snags the remote control from her before she manages to break it with the way she is angrily pressing at the buttons.

“I know, I’m joking. I just…I missed her.”

Jennie gives the older girl her full attention, “You’re not trying to avoid her anymore?”

“No, I can’t, I’d rather have her friendship than nothing at all,” Jisoo says, her words spoken so softly, yet laced with such emotion that Jennie’s stomach turns into knots of envy.

 

 

 

 


	5. Revelations

 

 

 

 

“Better now?” Chaeyoung asks as she watches Lisa chow down on a bowl of fruits, mostly mangoes. Lisa nods enthusiastically, she still hasn’t forgotten about the incident from that morning but she’s trying her best to keep her mind off of it. It’s no good dwelling on things that have past and she has no control over.

_But still…_

She takes another bite of the juicy fruits and rids herself of the depressing thoughts plaguing her mind.

“So,” Chaeyoung slowly starts, their manager is off in the distance, with her own tasty treat, looking at small shops in the area, “what’s going on with you and Jennie?”

Lisa chokes on the fruit in her mouth and hurriedly chugs the cup of water at her side.

Chaeyoung raises an eyebrow at the younger girl’s suspicions reaction and observes her closely.

“W-what?”

“So,” the brunette uses her spork to play with a fruit in her plate, “there _is_ something going on?”

“N-no,” Lisa internally curses herself for stuttering like an idiot, Chaeyoung will surely notice.

The brunette’s eyebrow arches further, “Really now?”

“Uh-huh,” Lisa nods, unconvincingly.

She always has been a terrible liar with Chaeyoung.

“Lisa,” Chaeyoung reaches across the table and places her hand atop the latter’s, “please, I just want to help.”

Lisa hesitates for a second before meeting her gaze. That’s when it happens. Her walls come tumbling down and the secret comes spilling out of her lips like it’s been waiting for the perfect moment to escape its confines. Chaeyoung’s eyes widen, Lisa is speaking so fast, faster than she’s ever even rapped before, and Chaeyoung can barely understand a word she says.

“Wait, wait, slow down, _what_?”

Lisa abruptly stops and repeats everything in a quiet voice so no one in the surrounding area overhears.

“Apparently Jisoo is in love with me so when I confessed that I liked Jennie she went and confessed to Jennie that she likes _me_ , but the problem is that Jennie is in love with _her_. So, Jennie came to me and…offered a deal.”

“ _What_?” Chaeyoung repeats, completely dumbfounded. She had known that the other girls cared for each other a little more than they should but she didn’t exactly know to what degree. “A deal?”

Lisa nods, her gaze set on the table.

“Lisa,” Chaeyoung eyes her warily before asking again, “what kind of deal?”

Lisa starts fidgeting and uselessly turning the cup of water in its spot, avoiding the older girl’s searching gaze.

“She-…she said that if I managed to make Jisoo happy by being with her, she would,” Lisa’s gaze leaves the cup of water to gauge Chaeyoung’s reaction but quickly bounces away from the girl’s intense stare and mumbles out the last part, “-she would give me anything.”

Chaeyoung’s eyebrows scrunch together in deep thought.

_Anything?_

_What does that mean?_

 

Then, it clicks. Her eyes widen in realization.

“Don’t tell me she-,” Chaeyoung sees Lisa shrink into herself in her seat and cuts herself off because that’s answer enough. “What did you say?”

Lisa wraps her arms around herself and ducks her head, her voice a fading utterance, “I said yes.”

Chaeyoung opens and closes her mouth in disbelief, no words come out. She never thought Lisa would be willing to go that far someone. For _Jennie_.

“Do you realize what you agreed to do?”

Lisa silently nods.

“Why did you?”

“I love her,” the quiet words are spoken with such conviction that Chaeyoung is taken aback once more, “If making Jisoo happy makes _her_ happy then I’m willing to compromise.”

“Lisa,” Chaeyoung’s gaze softens and she takes Lisa’s hand to get her attention, “it’s not that simple. Have you stopped to think about how Jisoo feels in all of this?”

“She doesn’t know.”

“What?”

“About the deal, she doesn’t know.”

“Aren’t you going to tell her?”

“That would make the whole thing pointless.”

“You can’t just lie-,”

“Don’t tell her,” Lisa’s pleading eyes sparkle in the sunlight and Chaeyoung wonders if they’ve always been that particular shade of brown.

“You realize you’re asking me to lie to her for you, right?”

“I’m not asking you to lie, I’m just asking you not to say anything.”

Chaeyoung shakes her head, “A lie by omission is still a lie and she’s also my friend, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Lisa grasps Chaeyoung’s hands between both of hers, “Please, I’m asking you as my best friend, don’t tell her. I know it sounds bad but I’m trying to make this right, if I can at least make her and Jennie happy this won’t all be for nothing.”

“Lisa…if she finds out, it _will_ all be for nothing.”

“That’s why I’m asking you not to say anything.”

Chaeyoung huffs and unclasps her hand from Lisa’s hold, “We’re supposed to be a group, a family, we promised not to lie to each other.”

Lisa keeps her hands busy with the cup once more, “I know.”

“It shouldn’t have come down to this.”

“I know.”

“I don’t agree with it...”

 Lisa silently nods in understanding and resignation, of course Chaeyoung wouldn’t agree with her decision, it certainly wasn’t the best or the brightest.

“But,” Chaeyoung pauses to make sure Lisa is looking straight at her when she speaks again, “I won’t tell her anything, it’s not my place.”

A slight smile tugs at the corner of Lisa’s lips at the disclosure, “Thanks, Chaeng.”

“Don’t thank me, just…be careful.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Lisa grins and mock salutes in hopes of lightening the mood.

“I’m serious, Lisa, I love you but what you’re doing will end up hurting someone if you do it wrong,” she leans forward, her elbows resting on the table. “I love Jisoo too and I think Jennie’s an idiot for coming up with this plan but I love her just the same and I don’t want any of you getting hurt. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

Lisa’s large grin disappears and is replaced by a smaller one, her look subdued, “I know you do, don’t worry about it, I know what I’m doing.”

 _I think_ , Lisa silently adds in her brain.

 

**

 

“We thought you two got lost on your way back, almost called the police and everything,” Jisoo says as soon as Chaeyoung and Lisa walk through the door, a grin on her face.

“Yea, you only went out for fruits, what took so long?”

Chaeyoung smiles at the older girl’s way of greeting and eyes Lisa from her peripheral vision, “We got a little distracted,” she raises one of the bags in her hands, “got plenty of fruits though.”

Lisa absentmindedly smiles to keep the questions at bay and silently makes her way into her room. She closes the door behind herself and flicks the lights on but stops in her tracks when she sees a neatly wrapped box with a note laying atop her bed. Curiosity strikes her and she completely forgoes reading the note, opting to open the box to see what lies inside first. She unwraps it carefully, unsure of the contents within. When the wrapping paper is discarded she is left with a simple white box. She lifts the lid and her eyes start to water when she sees what’s inside.

_Did Jennie…_

_Does she remember?_

She cautiously lifts up the snow globe and brings it up to eye-level for closer examination, a grin tugging at her lips. It’s not as extravagant as the last one but there’s something about this one…the cabin, lit up from within, seems to radiate a warmth of its own.

It fills Lisa’s heart with hope.

She shakes it up a bit and watches as thousands of small white dots swirl around the cabin and pine trees within, creating a small vortex of snow in its confines. She traces a fingertip over the glass and smiles, her first real smile ever since that morning. She proudly sets the snow globe down on her nightstand, where the previous one used to be, and makes her way back out into the living room to join the other members, a permanent smile plastered on her face.

Jisoo, from her spot on the couch, where she sits cuddled up under Jennie’s arm, instantly notices the younger girl’s mood change.

The sparkle in her eyes is back and Jisoo couldn’t be happier.

Lisa eyes Jennie, who is sitting at the end of the couch, cornered in by Jisoo, before opting to sit on the other end of the couch. As soon as Lisa is settled in Jisoo subtly starts shifting away from the other brunette at her side and towards the red-head. Jennie silently releases a disappointed sigh.

Jisoo’s about to settle her head on Lisa’s shoulder when Chaeyoung pops back out of her room, practically bursting with energy.

“I’m going out with a friend, see you guys later tonight,” the words are barely out of her mouth when the front door is closing and locking behind her.

They all stare at the closed door for a second longer before eyeing each other, faces full of confusion, “A friend?” Jennie asks.

“Which friend?” Lisa adds.

“She didn’t tell you either?” Jisoo looks at Lisa in disbelief, “If she tells anyone about anything it’s always you.”

Lisa racks her brain for any passing comments made by Chaeyoung and comes up blank, she lightly shakes her head, “No…she didn’t.”

“Now that I think about it, hasn’t she been going out a lot lately?” Jennie supplies from her side of the couch.

“What do you mean?”

“She did the same thing last week and the week before last,” the younger brunette says offhandedly.

“She never mentions who she’s actually going with though?” Lisa questions.

Jennie shakes her head, “Not that I recall.”

Wordlessly, their attention is returned to the TV when an on-screen explosion goes off and they’re sucked back into the movie.

.

.

.

.

“What if she’s dating?” Jisoo suddenly questions in the middle of an action scene. Jennie and Lisa turn to look at her so quickly that their necks nearly snap.

“Chaeyoung?”

“She would have told me,” Lisa attempts to brush it off.

“Would she?” Jisoo arches an eyebrow at her.

 

**

 

“I’m back,” Chaeyoung calls out, the smile on her lips also apparent in her voice. The second she sets foot in the dorm, however, three very curious girls surround her.

“Where were you?” Jisoo probes, her arms crossed over her chest.

Chaeyoung’s eyes nervously dart from Jisoo to Jennie, both are looking at her as if she’s the prime suspect in some mystery case.

“Um,” Chaeyoung’s eyes then dart to Lisa who is silently standing there, looking more hurt at being kept in the dark than assertive, like the two shorter brunettes. Jisoo, upon noting where Chaeyoung’s gaze is directed, glances at the red-head and notices her expression. She shifts slightly closer to the younger girl at her side and runs a hand down her arm, her hand easily slipping into the latter’s.

Jennie, unaware of the silent exchange, cocks an eyebrow, her eyes set on Chaeyoung, impatiently waiting for an answer.

“Out with a friend?” Chaeyoung squeaks.

“ _Which_ friend?” the second eldest queries, sounding more like an admonishing mother than a close friend.

Chaeyoung swallows, hard.

She knew this would happen sooner or later, she’d just really hoped it would be later. Much later. She sighs and closes her eyes because she knows she can’t exactly lie to all three of them, it’s a lost cause. When she speaks it comes out in a low mumble that can barely be made out, “Wendy.”

“What?” All three girls lean in, attempting to catch the softly spoken word.

“Wendy,” Chaeyoung repeats, louder and clearer this time.

“From Red Velvet?”

Chaeyoung silently nods.

“And you hadn’t told us because…?”

“We…”

Lisa notices the way Chaeyoung’s eyes dart around the room, a light blush covering her cheeks, her hands fidgeting. She frowns at the way the tall brunette avoids her gaze and bites her lip in nervousness.

The words are out of her mouth before Lisa can think better of it, “You like her, don’t you?” Everyone in the room seems to freeze up and suddenly Chaeyoung wishes Lisa wasn’t so blunt.

The tall brunette nods, “Actually…we’re,” she glances up at the expecting eyes, “…together.”

Jennie’s mouth opens and closes but no words come out. Jisoo just stares in mild shock. Lisa, though, unclasps her hand from Jisoo’s hold and practically drags Chaeyoung into her room.

 

“You _what_?”

Chaeyoung inwardly curses because a jealous or even slightly wronged Lisa is not something she’s ready to face.

“We’re together,” she carefully repeats.

Lisa takes a deep breath and counts to three in her head.

“I get not telling everyone but why did you keep this from me too?” she tries to keep her face a mask, clear of emotion, but Chaeyoung can clearly hear it in her voice.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you.”

“But?”

“Wendy doesn’t want anyone to know yet and specifically asked me not to tell you guys, at least for now.”

“Why?”

“She’s scared of rejection, Lice, why else? We’re idols, we can’t just go around letting people know.”

“I get that but I’m your best friend, Chaeng, you can tell me anything and I’ll always be here for you. You said it yourself this morning, and this thing goes both ways, you can’t expect me to tell you everything and go around keeping things from me.”

“I know,” Chaeyoung’s shoulders slump, “I’m sorry.”

The way the older girl seems to deflate makes Lisa feel guilty but instead of taking her words back, all of which she meant, she steps forward and gives her a crushing hug.

“No more secrets, okay?”

Chaeyoung melts into the embrace, glad that Lisa at least understands where she is coming from, “Okay.”

 

Outside the room, Jisoo shifts her weight from leg to leg, the way Lisa dragged Chaeyoung into her room somehow makes her uncomfortable. She didn’t like seeing Lisa’s hurt expression.

“Will you stop that?” Jennie huffs, “You’re making me nervous.”

“I just can’t believe Chaeng didn’t tell us anything.”

“I’m sure she has her reasons,” Jennie mumbles, her brain on a completely different matter at that point.

_Like me._

“I’m sure she does, but still, she should know us well enough by now to know we wouldn’t judge her for it.”

“Maybe she’s trying to protect Wendy in some way…maybe she asked her to?”

Jisoo absently nods and sits down next to the younger girl, “Maybe.”

She takes another look at the closed door and sighs.

Just then, the door opens and out walk two widely grinning girls, both latched onto each other like they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves otherwise.

Jennie turns and raises an eyebrow, “…So…you’re good?”

Chaeyoung nods, Jennie smiles, “Good, you were an idiot not to tell us beforehand, you know we wouldn’t judge you.”

Lisa nods at the older girl’s words, “Exactly what I told her.”

Chaeyoung looks down in slight embarrassment, “So, you’re all okay with this then?”

“Of course we are,” Jisoo jumps off the couch and makes her way over to start a group hug, “we love you no matter what.”

Lisa happily agrees and practically squeezes the life out of Chaeyoung, Jisoo joins in shortly after and Jennie quickly jumps in, her arms wrapping around the rest of the girls. They hug until Chaeyoung starts laughing and the giggles are set off in a domino effect, soon all of them are laughing for seemingly no reason at all.

“Alright, alright,” Chaeyoung detaches herself from the rest, “I think I have enough love from you all to last me a decade.”

“No,” Lisa whines, “it can never be enough, come back,” she dramatically reaches for the tall brunette with one arm while the other is wrapped around Jennie, Jisoo’s arms wrapped around her waist from the other side.

“Nope,” Chaeyoung sticks out her tongue and walks towards her room, “good night!”

The laughter dies down and Jennie takes a step away from Lisa, unlatching herself from the half-embrace.

“Okay, I’m going to bed too, it’s pretty late.”

“No,” Lisa’s extended whine gets louder and Jisoo muffles a laugh into the younger girl’s shoulder at her display of dramatics. They hear the brunette’s door close and turn to each other. Lisa sighs and drops her arm back to her side, she’d been hoping to thank Jennie for the gift that night.

“Abandoned, huh?” Jisoo voices, finally letting go of the younger girl.

“Looks like it…I guess we should go to bed too, I have to shoot for the second episode tomorrow,” Lisa pats Jisoo’s head and messes up her hair a bit before wishing her good night.

Jisoo smiles as she watches the red-head start to walk away, “Lisa?”

The younger girl half-turns, “Hm?”

Unable to restrain herself any longer, Jisoo asks the one question that has been plaguing her ever since she left the small box in Lisa’s room, “Did you like it?”

Lisa’s eyebrows make a cute little furrow that Jisoo loves just a bit too much, “Like what?”

“The snow globe, you dummy.”

In that instant Jisoo sees so many emotions flash through the younger girl’s eyes that she doesn’t quite know what to make of any of them.

“I- you- you’re the one that got it for me?”

_So, it wasn’t Jennie._

Jisoo pouts, “You didn’t read the note?”

 _Oh God, I completely forgot about the note,_ Lisa reprimands herself in her head.

She quickly recovers, her facial expression morphing back into a neutral one before settling on a small smile, “Not yet, but thank you.”

Jisoo grins, incredibly proud of herself for at least making Lisa smile, no matter how small a smile it was, “Of course, good night.”

Lisa forces a smile and shuffles into her room.

_Of course it wasn’t Jennie._

_I got my hopes up for nothing._

She flicks the lights on and quietly closes the door behind herself. Her eyes scan the bed and there it lies: the forgotten note. She strides forward and takes the small envelope, her eyes quickly skimming over what is written inside.

 

**_I know the last one meant a lot to you, I could see it in your eyes when you looked at the shattered pieces. I also know this can never replace that one but I hope it at least makes up for a fraction of it. I wanted to apologize on behalf of Dalgom, he can’t exactly do that on his own. Plus, it’s partly my fault anyway. Please, forgive me?_ **

****

**_Jisoo_ ** **_♡_ **

 

Lisa’s eyes start to tear up in response to the short note. Of course Jisoo would blame herself for it and go above and beyond trying to fix it.

She folds up the card and tucks it back into the small envelope before carefully putting it under the snow globe on her nightstand.

 

 _Falling in love with her would be so easy_ , Lisa thinks.

 

 

But the heart, unfortunately, does not follow logic;  it wants what it wants.

 

And Lisa’s heart…

 

It beats for Jennie.

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Unexpected

 

 

 

 

Jisoo wakes up with an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach; she can’t quite discern if it’s excitement or nerves. The first thought to cross her mind when she comes into consciousness is of Lisa.

_I wonder if she read the note?_

_I wish I could have seen her reaction._

A smile spreads upon her lips at the thought of Lisa’s beaming grin when she imagines the younger girl first opening the package. She turns on her side and hugs the nearest pillow against her chest, hopelessly wishing the pillow was actually the girl she couldn’t get her mind off of. She releases a deep sigh and drags herself out of bed. She goes through her morning routine of getting ready and throws on an oversized graphic shirt before stepping out of her room, only to stop halfway out the threshold when she spots a half-asleep Lisa. She smiles at the sight of the younger girl trying to navigate her way around the dorm with her eyes still half-closed. Jisoo’s steps unconsciously bring her closer to the taller girl.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” she greets and wraps an arm around the younger girl’s waist to guide her to the dining table.

What Lisa mumbles back barely sounds like a _good morning_ immediately followed by _Jichu_ and Jisoo’s grin widens.

Just then, Jennie steps out of her room, wide awake and fully dressed, a small hopeful smile on her face because she finally has a schedule to keep her busy. The smile instantly fades when her eyes fall on Lisa and Jisoo being clingy so early in the morning. It’s bad enough that the last image on her mind when she went to sleep the previous night was one of those two hugging. Now, here she is, watching a similar scenario unfold right before her very eyes as soon as she sets foot outside the safe haven that is her bedroom. She huffs and tries to shake the negativity out of her head before plastering a smile on her face and proceeding on her way.

“Morning,” she swiftly strides past the pair and prepares herself a bowl of cereal, watching the other two occupants of the room from her peripheral vision.

Something about them irks her.

Ever since Jisoo confessed her feelings for Lisa, Jennie became hyper aware of the way the older girl behaved around their youngest.

Their interactions, no matter how small – they all mean something.

_At least to Jisoo they do_ , Jennie thinks.

The way Jisoo softly runs her hand through Lisa’s morning hair in a vain attempt to get it into some semblance of order.

The way her hand strays past the younger girl’s hair to brush her neck and collarbone just so.

The soft look in her eyes and the smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

It all drives Jennie up the wall.

_Not good,_ she thinks.

 

The realization of what she has kickstarted is finally hitting her and she can already feel her heart breaking into a million pieces at the very real possibility of watching them actually _be_ together.

She hadn’t fully processed the outcome the deal would have. She knew Jisoo would be better off but she forgot to factor in the fact that she would have to watch Lisa drape herself all over Jisoo while the older girl smiled at her like she possessed everything she held dear in life. She forgot to factor in that Jisoo, upon seeing her affections slowly returned, would gladly hand over her beating heart to the younger girl.

She forgot to factor in her own very real and very painful human emotions.

From the corner of her eye, she sees Jisoo leave Lisa’s side and stroll into the kitchen to quickly prepare a bowl of fruits for them both. She silently watches as the older brunette goes back to sit by the red-head’s side and tries to nudge her awake – Lisa had momentarily rested her head on her arms and promptly fell back asleep.

If the smile that spreads upon Jisoo’s face and the light that reflects from within her eyes when her gaze falls on the sleeping face of the maknae is anything to go by… Jisoo is already lost.

_She was never mine_ , a distant voice cries out in her head.

“Wake up, you zombie,” Jisoo nudges the red-head awake and Lisa groans in protest.

The elder girl chuckles and tucks a stray strand of hair behind Lisa’s ear, “You’re so cute,” Jisoo mumbles, surprising even herself.

Jealousy is clawing at Jennie’s throat with words that won’t come out. _Can’t_ come out.

Her vision is getting blurry with unshed tears and she’s choking up on feelings that she can never speak of, at least not to _her_.

She swallows the lump in her throat, blocks out the outside world, and starts counting down from one hundred in hopes of composing herself.

.

.

.

.

_35_

_34_

_33_

“-nie.”

_31_

_30_

_29_

“Unnie, what’s up with you?” Chaeyoung waves her hand in front of Jennie’s face and motions at her phone, “Your phone has been going off for a while now.”

Jennie takes one look at Chaeyoung and internally thanks all the gods that the younger girl didn’t see her earlier, when she was on the verge of crying.

“Thanks, Rosie,” she gives her a small smile and walks away to answer the call from one of their managers.

Chaeyoung simply nods and starts preparing what she considers to be a real breakfast rather than the cereal and fruits that the rest of her groupmates had. Lisa, who is now wide awake, stares after Jennie with a slight frown on her face. She’d been stealing quick side glances at the older girl while Jisoo was running her hands through her hair and prodding at her so she would feed herself. For a moment it looked like Jennie…

_Was she about to cry?_

“-so, I asked manager unnie if I could accompany you and she said yes!” Jisoo exclaims, brimming with excitement.

“Huh?” Lisa lightly shakes her head and returns her attention to the brunette sitting at her side.

“I mean,” Jisoo shrinks into herself, “unless you don’t want me to go?”

“What?” Lisa asks in confusion.

“If you rather I not be there it’s totally fine,” Jisoo manages a smile that utterly fails to reach her eyes, “I can just watch you on TV when it airs, so…”

_No, it’s not fine_ , Lisa notes while taking account of the girl’s hunched shoulders and sad eyes.

“What are you talking about? Of course, I want you to come,” Lisa drapes an arm over the older girl’s shoulders, effectively pulling her into a side hug and pressing her lips to the brunette’s temple in a fleeting kiss. Jisoo instantly perks up, butterflies fluttering in her stomach and a light blush covering her cheeks at the unexpected kiss.

Chaeyoung chooses that exact moment to loudly set down her plate, containing a neatly prepared sandwich with some eggs and bacon on the side. She sits down in front of the two, effectively interrupting Jisoo’s loving stare and Lisa’s silly smile.

“So, everyone’s leaving me behind today?”

“You want to come along too? Seulgi is one of the participants, and I’m sure if you text your _girlfriend_ she’ll be more than happy to show up,” Lisa gives her a sly smirk before adding, “to support Seulgi, of course.”

Jisoo quickly catches on, “Yea, Chaeng, don’t you miss her already? It’s been a whole,” she glances at the nearest clock and her grin widens, “eight hours, how horrible it must be for you.”

Chaeyoung proceeds to avoid their gaze and pick at her sandwich while a blush slowly creeps up her cheeks.

“Actually, she can’t go today because she has a separate schedule,” she mumbles with a pout on her lips.

“Sounds like you’ve been planning ahead,” Jisoo adds.

“Wait, you don’t want to come just because your girlfriend isn’t coming to keep you company? As a best friend,” Lisa dramatically places a hand over her chest, “I’m personally offended.”

Chaeyoung’s blush intensifies and she retaliates by smacking Lisa’s shoulder, “Shut up, that’s not it, I’ll come, okay?”

Both Lisa and Jisoo beam at her and give each other a high five for making her cave in so quickly.

 

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur; full of preparations and rehearsals for Lisa, both Jisoo and Chaeyoung try their best to stay out of her way while she goes around getting her makeup done and getting fitted for her performance outfit.

It isn’t until a couple of hours later that Lisa steps out of the prep room, fully dressed and ready for her turn to film her part in the show. She takes a look around to see if she can spot her groupmates anywhere. She doesn’t have to go far, however, as soon as she turns the corner she sees Jisoo half sprawled out on a comfortable couch, fully engrossed on the book in her lap. The brunette is so focused that she takes no mind of her surroundings. Lisa sees it as a golden opportunity and quietly approaches the older girl from behind, a mischievous grin pulling at her lips from the mere thought of scaring the older girl and seeing her shocked expression. She is scant steps away from her target when…

“Lisa!” Chaeyoung shouts from the other end of the corridor and makes her way towards the red-head, dragging a smiling Joy behind her.

Lisa jumps in her spot and looks up in surprise while Jisoo lets out a chuckle and turns to look at the youngest.

“Looks like your plan was spoiled,” she gives the red-head a grin.

“Wh- what do you mean? What plan?” Lisa tries to play it off.

“You were about to try and scare me,” Jisoo motions with her book in one hand.

“How did you-,”

“I felt your presence,” Jisoo shrugs as if it’s completely normal.

“Hey,” Chaeyoung says again when she’s within talking distance, “look who I found,” she raises her joint hands with Joy, a wide smile painted on her face.

“Hey,” Joy beams at the two girls, “I see you’ve got some good supporters today, Lisa,” she says and promptly glances at Jisoo then Chaeyoung who only nudges her shoulder with a smile on her face.

“I do, huh?” Lisa bashfully smiles and leans into Jisoo when the latter stands up beside her and causally slips an arm around her waist.

Chaeyoung quickly glances at her phone then back at Lisa, “Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go on stage?”

“Hm?” Lisa checks the time on her own phone and her eyes widen in alarm, “Oh! I didn’t realize it was almost time already, you guys know where your seats are?”

The girls all laugh at Lisa’s reaction and nod in affirmation. Joy and Chaeyoung both wish her good luck before walking off together, all smiles and bright eyes. Jisoo stays behind a bit longer to have a minute alone with Lisa.

She turns so she can fully face the taller girl, “You’re an amazing dancer and I know you can get first place if you really want to, you don’t even need luck, you just need…you,” she says with an easy smile pulling at her lips. She reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind the younger girl’s ear, “So, give it your best alright?”

Lisa can’t help but bashfully duck her head in response to the older girl’s words, a light blush covering her cheeks. Somehow Jisoo always knows the right things to say, she has a way with words that continuously make Lisa feel better. It’s been the same way ever since pre-debut, through every up and down – during every fall in her journey – Lisa would turn around and the older girl would be standing close by, eagerly offering her hand and words of encouragement. She looks up again to meet the brunette’s steady gaze and returns her genuine smile.

“Always,” Lisa leans forward and pulls the smaller girl into a hug. Jisoo easily melts into her embrace, wrapping her own arms around the latter’s small waist and turning her head to bury it in the crook of the younger’s neck before giving her a quick squeeze and pulling away again.

“Alright,” a small smirk appears on her lips as her hands slip down Lisa’s back and give a quick tap to her rear, “get out there, it’s almost time.”

Lisa merely shakes her head and chuckles at her actions before running off to where the showrunners are surely expecting her.

Jisoo looks on as Lisa speeds off, a silly smile still present on her lips.

The things a simple hug from Lisa did to her mood were incredible.

The things it did to her heart even more so.

 

**

 

Jennie had a long day.

_Quite_ a long day.

 

Saying she was exhausted would undermine how tired she truly felt and how incredibly thankful she was to finally be back at the dorm. She had two different shoots back-to-back that very morning; one for Channel and another for Saint Laurent. Yes, Jennie loves fashion, but she has never been one to try on so many pieces of clothing in one day and there is a limit to the amount of posing a person can do for several hours straight without a good break. After all the sessions were over and done with she made sure to bow to all the staff and left the final shooting spot with a tired smile. For one thing she was glad: being so busy certainly kept her head off certain things.

She sluggishly steps out of the minivan and waves her manager goodbye, wishing her a good day. She quickly makes her way into the building and up to the correct floor, more than ready to side-step the members if necessary and go directly into her room for a good day nap. However, as soon as she makes her entrance the only thing that greets her is the excited tapping of Kuma and Dalgom’s paws on the wooden floor as they run towards her.

She lets out a laugh and gets on her knees, putting her bag aside, to pet the excited pair of fluff balls.

“Hey, you two, did you miss me?” she coos at them as they excitedly jump and try to lick at her face, “I missed you too.”

Jennie lets out another laugh when Kuma succeeds in knocking her back on her rear and gets up on her lap to lick her face along with Dalgom.

“Okay, okay,” she lightly pushes them both back a bit and gets up, “you missed me a lot too, I get it,” she gives them each one final pat. She turns her head, looking around for any sign of the other members. She walks by Chaeyoung and Jisoo’s rooms only to see their doors wide open and the rooms unsurprisingly empty. Yes, she knew Lisa had to film for the dancing show today, but she didn’t realize everyone else would be tagging along with her too.

She didn’t realize _Jisoo_ , specifically, would be tagging along with them.

_Why didn’t Jisoo come with me instead?_ Asks the voice of envy from the recess of darkness within her mind.

She takes one last glance around the empty living room, save the two fur balls that are keeping each other entertained, and lightly shakes her head to get rid of the negative thought before heading into her room for the much-deserved nap.

It isn’t until hours later that she wakes up to the loud thud of the door closing and a ruckus of laughter and cheering.

She stretches out her hand to fish out her phone from underneath one of the pillows and blearily opens her eyes to check the time.

_Already seven pm, huh? So much, for taking a short nap_ , she thinks.

She stretches a bit and gets up, silently making her way to her shared bathroom with Lisa in order to avoid having to walk across the dorm to use the other bathroom. Being suddenly jolted out of her sleep like that usually makes her snappy and she certain wanted to at least try and avoid getting annoyed by the other girls’ loudness for a bit longer. The only con about using this bathroom, though, is that she has to go through Lisa’s room; something she has tried to avoid doing since it all started.

She tiredly rubs at her drowsy eyes with one hand and grabs at the door handle to the bathroom with the other. But, suddenly, the breath is knocked out of her and she is lying flat on the floor with the full weight of someone else’s body on top of her. She groans and opens her eyes to find red hair covering half her face, she then uses her hands to try and steady the latter.

Lisa shifts on top of her and Jennie has to hold back a groan because what she assumes to be Lisa’s knee just rubbed her nether regions in a way that was…

_Not entirely unpleasant_ , her brain unnecessarily supplies.

Her eyes widen at the realization of such a crude thought, with Lisa nonetheless. Her insistent hands fall on the taller girl’s slim waist and slide down a bit to grip at her hips for more leverage to push her back up, desperate to get her off. Somehow, her mind doesn’t register that her hands should have made contact with some sort of fabric instead of the younger girl’s skin.

Lisa is knocked out of her state of shock and immediately starts to get up, “S-sorry,” she mumbles as she lifts herself off Jennie but stops halfway if only to check on the smaller girl.

“Are you okay?” she looks down at the brunette, her arms on either side of the latter and supporting at least half of her own weight.

“I’m fi-,” the brunette looks into her eyes but then glances down at the rest of her body and stops, her eyes growing even wider and a prominent blush rapidly covering her entire face.

Lisa frowns a little at the latter’s reaction, thinking for a split second that maybe the older girl got hurt when they fell.

 

That is…until she remembers the reason she came out of the bathroom in the first place.

She quickly feels the heat of a full-body blush spread upon her skin and setting her ablaze with embarrassment.

 

Never in her life did she imagine that something like this would happen to her.

 

And yet here she lay, on top of the one and only _Jennie Kim_

.

.

.

.

.

Utterly and completely _naked_.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Exposure

 

 

 

 

 

Jennie’s mouth gapes open in shock, she can feel her own heart practically beating out of her chest and the blood rushing to her head. Yes, she has seen Lisa in various states of undress over the years, she has even seen her naked a couple of times, but that was all in passing. She never, in all their years together, actually had time to stop and stare – to admire – the younger girl’s figure.

Until now.

Her hands are still on the taller girl’s hips, half supporting the latter’s weight. Part of her wants to tell Lisa to get off of her as soon as possible, the other part also wants to apologize for coming into the younger girl’s room unannounced and walking into her like _this_. But, somehow, she can’t bring herself to form the correct words, she’s flustered and tongue-tied. She firmly tries to keep her eyes on the taller girl’s face until the latter snaps out of her momentary lapse of shock and embarrassment and manages to completely get off from her. However, her body has other ideas, her eyes constantly drifting downwards no matter how many times she tries, in vain, to focus on the red-head’s equally flushed face.

Jennie can’t help it when her eyes inevitably roam down, over Lisa’s perfectly small round breasts, over her pronounced abdominal muscles and—

She closes her eyes, unable to let herself go any farther.

“Li-Lisa,” she finally manages, “please,” she lightly pushes at the younger girl’s naked hips in hopes that she’ll get the message.

The red-head lets out a shaky breath and wordlessly nods before swiftly getting off the brunette. She barely manages to mumble out an _I’m sorry_ and instantly turns to lock herself in the bathroom again, unable to face the brunette after that.

Jennie lays on the floor, propped up by her elbows, completely perplexed as she stares at the closed bathroom door that Lisa disappeared behind.

One thing is now clear: using this bathroom rather than the other one was most definitely a mistake.

She gets up and reaches out to knock on the door, her hand hovering. She wants to say something – apologize, maybe – but she is at a loss. Unsure of whether Lisa would even want her to still stick around after _that_. The younger girl had never looked so absolutely _mortified_.

Jennie sighs and drops her hand back to her side.

_Later_ , she says to herself as she turns and walks out of the younger girl’s room.

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the bathroom door, Lisa is having something akin to a mental breakdown.

She heavily leans against the closed door with her eyes screwed shut in shame. Her heart is pounding so quickly that she can feel it in her throat, the blood rushing through her head and deafening her ears. Her body reaching an unhealthy temperature that it has only ever reached when she has had a high fever. Her breaths come in quick short gasps of air as she leans her forehead on the wooden doorframe and wraps her arms around herself in some frail attempt to cover her body and save herself from the embarrassing moment that has gone and past.

_With Jennie of all people._

If it had been Chaeyoung she would have been fine. Both girls would have been slightly flustered but then they would have laughed it off and gone on as if it was nothing.

If it had been Jisoo…

Well, with Jisoo Lisa isn’t quite certain. But, part of her is sure that the older girl would have attempted to make light of the situation or at least tried to comfort and protect her in some way.

But…

_Jennie_.

 

Jennie; the girl who blatantly rejects her feelings and is trying to push her towards someone else.

Jennie; the girl who carelessly stole her heart and continues to stomp on it.

Jennie; the girl who she often catches sizing her up like she still can’t figure out what Jisoo sees in her.

Jennie… who likely doesn’t think much of her after everything, not in the way Lisa wishes.

 

The same girl that still manages to ignite a raging inferno of emotions within Lisa with her mere existence.

 

It’s different from all the other times they have seen each other naked, because now… Jennie _knows_. Lisa already felt exposed enough emotionally, now that the physical layer is also ripped off she feels as if she has nothing else to hide behind.

Part of her still wants to think of Jennie as one of her best friends. A dear friend that she just so happened to fall in love with, but a friend nonetheless. But, after everything, she feels like their relationship is left in some odd place in-between friends and strangers.

 

_Limbo_.

 

**

 

Chaeyoung is casually chatting and messing around with Jisoo when she notices Jennie swiftly and silently trying to make her way across the expansive living room, towards the bathroom. She slightly quirks an eyebrow, noticing how flustered Jennie seems to be, but doesn’t have a chance to give it further thought as Jisoo throws a bag of popcorn at her and tells her to toss it in the microwave. She simply nods and turns to do as the older girl asks, filing away her thoughts about Jennie until later.

Jennie comes out of the bathroom not long after, the previously prominent blush on her cheeks now only a faint tint that can easily go unnoticed.

Jisoo looks up from the dip she is preparing for the chips and gives Jennie a disarming smile that instantly makes the younger girl forget her previous moments with Lisa.

“Hey, how did it go with the photoshoots?”

Jennie walks over to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water before sitting on a stool in front of the kitchen island.

“Good,” she takes a drink then rests her elbows on the marble surface and sighs, “exhausting.”

“Yeah? Sorry, did we wake you?” Jisoo turns to her with furrowed brows.

Jennie simply gives her a gummy smile and waves away her concern, “I was only planning to take a short nap, not sleep in until tomorrow.”

“Good,” Chaeyoung says while rummaging through the cupboards for a good-sized bowl to place the chips in, “I don’t think you would have been able to sleep through the movie with Lisa and Jisoo in the house anyway.”

Jisoo laughs at the taller girl’s remark and nods, unable to deny the fact, while Jennie just looks on, completely mesmerized by the smiling older girl.

_She already looks happier_ , Jennie notes.

She stops as soon as she realizes that she is staring at the older girl far longer than necessary, again.

“So, uhm, what movie are we watching?”

Jisoo gives her a wicked grin that can mean nothing but trouble, “ _The Descent_.”

“ _The Descent_?” Jennie turns to Chaeyoung with a confused expression, “I’ve never heard of that one.”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Jisoo passes Jennie the container with the dip for the chips and motions at her to take it over to the coffee table.

They set everything up and dim the lights to comfortably watch the movie. Chaeyoung settling down on the recliner so she can prop up her feet while Jennie and Jisoo both opt to sit on the couch directly in front of the TV.

Jisoo anxiously glances in the direction of Lisa’s bedroom for a second, “Should we wait for Lisa?”

“Considering the genre, I don’t think she’s going to be paying much attention to the movie anyway, just play it,” Chaeyoung nonchalantly motions at the TV.

Jisoo agrees and plays it, knowing full well that Lisa would likely start closing her eyes and looking away at every scary scene, blocking out most of the movie anyway.

Jennie takes advantage of the first couple of minutes to get even more comfortable. Soon enough she ends up with her head laying on Jisoo’s lap while the older girl softly runs her fingers through her hair, completely engrossed in the movie. The feel of Jisoo’s hand on her head, her fingertips softly scratching at Jennie’s scalp and the light tugging when her fingers get tangled lull Jennie into a serenity that she hasn’t felt in quite a while. She turns her head a little, half snuggling into the older girl’s lap, too afraid to turn around and be more obvious about it by snuggling into her abdomen. The minutes tick by in a haze, the plot of the movie completely forgotten as she holds onto Jisoo’s leg and takes a deep breath of her intoxicating aroma.

It isn’t until about twenty minutes into the movie that Jisoo starts shifting about uncomfortably, her eyes constantly drifting back in the direction of Lisa’s bedroom. It only takes a couple more minutes for the older girl to give in to her curiosity and gently shift Jennie off her lap with a mumbled, “I’ll be right back.”

Jisoo walks into Lisa’s room unannounced, curious as to why the younger girl is suddenly taking so long in the shower when Jisoo herself has never seen Lisa take more than fifteen minutes to get cleaned up. She takes one quick glance at the empty bedroom and steps towards the bathroom door but doesn’t even hear the water running. She lightly knocks on the door, “Lisa?”

No answer.

Jisoo cocks her head to the side, a small crease forming between her brows.

Another knock, “Lisa… are you okay?”

The door opens and out steps Lisa, nearly toppling Jisoo over with her sudden appearance. The red-head quickly grabs at Jisoo’s arms, so the older girl doesn’t lose her balance, and gives her a small smile.

“Sorry, I was brushing my teeth.”

Jisoo looks at her for a moment, there’s something that Lisa isn’t telling her, she can feel it.

“Is something wrong?” her hands naturally land on the younger girl’s waist, seeking to give her some sort of comfort.

“No,” Lisa shakes her head, her thumbs automatically caressing the skin of Jisoo’s arms in hopes of placating her worries, “I’m just tired is all.”

Jisoo knows that can’t be it, she sees something else swimming just behind Lisa’s dark eyes, but she also knows that she should let Lisa open up on her own terms – in her own time.

“Okay,” she nods, “do you still want to come out and watch the movie with us?”

“I-,” Lisa’s mind immediately jumps to the other brunette who is most likely out there, also watching the movie with the girls, “no, I think I’ll just go to bed now, I need all the rest I can get for practice tomorrow morning.”

_It’s only a partial lie_ , she reasons with herself.

Lisa knows she can’t avoid Jennie forever, it didn’t exactly turn out very well the last time she tried. All she wants to do is give herself some more time to fully get over the embarrassing moment before facing the older girl once more.

Jisoo slowly steps back from Lisa, trying to prolong her physical contact with the younger girl and hide her disappointment at the same time. She was looking forward to having Lisa sit next to her during the movie because Lisa would always cling to the closest person and somehow end up cuddling in the midst of it all. Jisoo had never quite been a big fan of scary movies until she discovered Lisa’s adorable reaction to them.

“Alright, um,” she fully steps away, her steps bringing her closer to the doorway, “I’ll see you in the morning then…good night.”

Lisa notes the slight hesitance in the older girl’s voice – the disappointment in her eyes as she opens the door and makes to leave the room. A small voice from deep within is screaming at her not to let her leave, not like that.

“Jisoo?”

The brunette stops in her tracks and turns to Lisa, “Yeah?”

“If you want- I was wondering-,” she self-consciously grabs at her left arm with her right, “…if maybe you wanted to come back after the movie or-,”

Jisoo gives her an easy smile and cuts her off when she catches on to what Lisa is asking, “Do you want me to stay?”

Lisa looks directly into the smaller girl’s dark hopeful eyes and no longer hesitates, “Yes.”

That’s when Lisa sees it again, that adoring look that Jisoo gives her – the one that she has only recently started to truly notice – it brings forth a fond smile from the younger girl.

“Okay,” Jisoo silently closes the door again and makes herself comfortable on Lisa’s bed while the younger girl sets out her clothes for the next morning.

Jisoo smoothly slips under the comforter and sinks into the soft mattress, Lisa’s scent filling her senses. When the younger girl is done getting everything ready she flips off the lights and crawls into bed, careful not to jostle the smaller girl.

They lay in silence, not unlike the previous time they shared a bed. However, this time, Lisa doesn’t hesitate to take the initiative again, turning on her side and wrapping an arm around Jisoo’s waist to pull her closer, her head coming to rest on the latter’s shoulder.

Jisoo wiggles a bit, making Lisa lift her head for a second in order to get more comfortable. She moves her arm, so it’s no longer trapped between both their bodies, and extends it so she can easily wrap it around Lisa when the younger girl lays her head on her shoulder again. Lisa, being taller, has to shift a couple of inches lower on the bed to get in the perfect position. She wraps her arm around Jisoo’s waist and slips one of her legs between the latter’s own, entwining their bodies just so.

Jisoo takes a deep breath, trying to calm her erratically beating heart to no avail. Hugging and cuddling with Lisa – showing physical intimacy – that’s one thing. But, having Lisa be the one to initiate everything, no matter how friendly or insignificant it may be to the younger girl, makes Jisoo’s heart fill with love and she can’t help but fall deeper.

Lisa can clearly hear the pounding heartbeat of the older girl – the way it increases it’s rhythmic pounding every time she makes the smallest movement. She slightly turns her head upwards to face the older girl.

“Jisoo,” Lisa brushes her hand over the latter’s arm, coming to rest atop her hand, just over her waist.

Jisoo finds herself unable to form fully coherent sentences while having Lisa nearly on top of her and only hums in response.

“I’m glad you stayed,” Lisa cracks a small smile that cannot be seen in the darkness of the room and leans up to where she assumes the older girl’s cheek to be. Her lips meet the soft skin of the latter’s cheek and accidentally brush over the corner of Jisoo’s lips in the process. Jisoo goes completely still under her but Lisa simply powers through it like it’s nothing out of the ordinary. She can immediately feel Jisoo’s body emanating far more heat than it previously was.

“Of course,” Jisoo manages to utter through the multitude of thoughts running wild in her head.

 

Lisa pays no mind to the way her own heart stutters and skips a beat in response to the contact.

 

Neither girl mentions a thing about the almost kiss throughout the entirety of the night.

 

Jisoo doesn’t let herself fall asleep until nearly an hour later, when she feels Lisa fully succumb to deep slumber.

 

Outside, Jennie patiently waits for the eldest to return and finish watching the movie with them. The clock ticks by, second by tedious second until the movie is over and Chaeyoung is wishing her a good night before going off to her own room.

Jennie stares off in the direction of the youngest member’s room, one thing stuck in her mind;

.

.

.

.

.

_Jisoo said she would come back…but she never did._

 

**

 

Jisoo wakes up long before Lisa’s alarm goes off. The slight disorientation from being in someone else’s bedroom – in _Lisa’s_ bedroom, lying in her bed and _cuddling_ her – catching her off guard. It isn’t until she becomes more aware of her own body and surroundings that she realizes they somehow switched positions at some point during the night. Instead of Lisa cuddling up to her like large koala, she is the one cuddling up to Lisa like her life depends on it – as if she will fall off the edge of the king-sized bed if she isn’t holding onto the red-head.

Worst of all, her hand somehow found its way under the younger girl’s shirt, which rode up her waist overnight, and casually lay on Lisa’s bare skin, just below her sports bra. Her eyes widen in shock at the realization and snap up to check and see if the younger girl is awake. However, Lisa’s eyes are closed, her breaths slow and even, completely unaware and unbothered by the situation. The sunlight is hitting Lisa’s face just so and Jisoo’s heart is ready to beat out of her chest once more.

_You would put angels to shame_ , Jisoo silently smiles to herself.

She stays like that for what seems like an eternity, yet not long at all, for she remembers herself and guilt catches up to reality.

Guilt at having such thoughts of her close friend – guilt at touching her in such a way while the younger girl is _asleep_ , no less.

She immediately pulls her hand out from under the girl’s shirt, careful to minimize their skin contact as to not wake her. Jisoo tries her best to slowly untangle herself from the taller girl without waking her up and comes up successful.

Or, at least she thinks so.

Until a small whimper escapes Lisa’s throat and she blindingly reaches out to pull Jisoo right back, wrapping the smaller girl’s arm around her half-bare waist and holding her closer still.

“You’re warm,” Lisa mumbles into her hair and Jisoo lets go of her insecurities with a chuckle.

“You’re needy,” Jisoo pokes the latter and gives her a small squeeze.

Lisa simply hums and stays silent for a while before muttering, “But, you like it.”

_You have no idea._

They lay in silence, Lisa sleeping through her last couple of minutes in dreamland while Jisoo is lost in her thoughts, until Lisa’s alarm finally goes off.

The red-head wakes up with a groan, turning and burying her face in Jisoo’s neck to muffle out the obnoxious sound of her alarm. Jisoo blushes and tries to laugh it off, pushing at the younger girl to get up, “Do I need to call your mom and tell her you’re slacking off again?”

Lisa jolts away, eyes as wide as saucers, “You wouldn’t.”

Jisoo merely gives her a look that causes Lisa to groan and acquiesce, huffing and grumbling the entire way to the bathroom.

 

 

Neither girl notices how the bedroom door is left half open even though it has gone completely untouched by both Lisa and Jisoo since the previous night.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can already imagine the reaction of jenlisa shippers at the end of chapter 6 vs at the beginning of this one and I'm cracking up xD Surprise? Anyway, this is turning out a lot longer than I expected, the outline alone for the story is nearly 6k words already and I don't have a set ending yet so...yea.
> 
> @ those of you asking for a jenlisa smut scene in this chapter: LOL! Go read Summer ;)
> 
> Gimme comments!! <3


	8. Lapse

 

 

 

 

 

**_FLASHBACK_ **

 

Shy, tall, and lanky.

That’s what Jennie immediately notices when the new trainee is brought to the dorms.

 

“My name is Lalisa, I’m fourteen and I come from Thailand, thank you for having me,” the short-haired girl bows.

 _She’s adorable_ , Jennie’s mind supplies when she sees Lisa struggle to introduce herself to the gathered girls with her broken Korean and a shy smile.

The girls all smile and introduce themselves to the new trainee, welcoming her and saying their hellos.

When it’s Jennie’s turn, she gives the tall girl her most sincere gummy smile. The girl, Lalisa, easily returns it with twinkling eyes and a large grin.

Soon thereafter, a member of management instructs the Thai girl to get settled in her new room, one which will be shared with another one of the trainees. The young girl nods in understanding and takes her things into the shared bedroom, only to stop at the threshold and look around in confusion, wondering who her roommate will be. It’s only seconds after that she feels a hand brush over her forearm and a smaller girl appear at her side.

“Hi again, Lalisa, right?” the shorter girl gazes at her with cat-like eyes and Lisa swears she feels her own heart skip a beat.

The younger girl nods, “You can call me Lisa.”

“Lisa,” Jennie tests, the name easily slipping through her lips, and a small smile appears again, “okay.”

“And you,” Lisa motions, “Jennie…unnie?”

Jennie’s smile widens at the younger girl’s adorably confused expression and she nods, “Yes, because I’m older,” she pauses for a second before adding, “but you can just call me Jennie, if you want.”

She receives a megawatt smile from the younger girl as they proceed into the room.

“That’s your bed,” Jennie points to the opposite side of the room from hers, “I made sure everything was clean beforehand so…”

Lisa turns to her with a small crease between brows, unsure of the words the smaller girl is using. She had already started studying Korean but there is only so much she could learn in the little time she had before having to move over form Thailand.

Jennie quickly catches herself, “Oh, um, Thai, right,” she thinks for a moment, rummaging through her brain for any Thai words or phrases.

Lisa merely stares at her, even more confused.

“Um…Sawadee…ka?” She looks at Lisa curiously, hoping that she didn’t just insult the girl.

Lisa bursts out into laughter and Jennie immediately feels relived.

“It means _Hello_ ,” Lisa gently smiles at her after she calms down, thankful that the older girl is even trying to communicate with her.

Jennie nods to herself and repeats it more confidently, “Sawadee ka.”

The younger girl chuckles and continues to unpack her things, trying not to mind the way Jennie curiously gazes at her as if she’s trying to figure out some complicated math equation. A couple of minutes go by like this, with Lisa unpacking and Jennie nervously fidgeting on her side of the room, unsure of what else to say.

“Do you-,” the older girl starts, “do you need help with that?” Jennie motions at Lisa’s large suitcase and all the items scattered about.

Lisa only understands half of the things the smaller girl says but that is more than enough to catch on, she gives her a small nod and a smile, “Thank you.”

Jennie waves her off and starts helping with what she can, putting Lisa’s personal items where the younger girl points her to and smiling at a couple of picture frames she sees safely tucked into a corner of the suitcase. One of them contains a large group of kids all huddled together in some type of performance outfits. Jennie lifts it up and curiously turns it to Lisa.

The younger girl looks up from the items she’s refolding and smiles, “My friends.”

Jennie gently sets the picture frame aside and picks up the next one; this one containing a younger Lisa standing between a middle-aged lady and a towering man who wears glasses, all three of them holding hands with a beaming grin on their faces. Jennie turns this one to Lisa again, the same questioning look adorning her face.

Lisa looks at this one longer than the last one, her eyes quickly glazing over with unshed tears, but a smile pulls on her lips nonetheless, “Mom and dad.”

Jennie sets down the picture frame and reaches out for the younger girl’s hand, “You miss them already, huh?”

Lisa silently nods and ducks her head to hide the tears that manage to escape. Jennie softly cups the younger girls face and wipes away the tears, “It’s okay to miss them,” she pulls the taller girl into a gentle hug, “it’s okay to cry.”

 

**

 

It takes Lisa a couple of days to actually settle in and start getting used to her schedule. All trainees spend most of the day, and even the night, training and practicing for the monthly evaluations. However, Lisa, being the first foreign trainee in the company has to take several language, culture, and etiquette classes aside from the usual ones that the other trainees take. It makes Jennie feel horrible for her, especially considering the girl barely has time to eat well, and the hours of sleep she gets are certainly not a healthy amount.

Jennie starts to make changes to her own daily routine, making sure to walk with Lisa to and from her extra classes so she won’t feel alone. Waking up earlier to prepare her a snack, so the girl won’t pass out from exhaustion halfway through the day, just in case she forgets or doesn’t have time to eat a proper breakfast.

She watches as Lisa struggles to learn and pronounce words in Korean to properly integrate them into her raps.

She watches, day in and day out, as Lisa gives her all during every single practice session, leaving her heart and soul on the dance floor and anything she does.

She also watches as several of the other girls, ones that plastered a fake smile on their faces when Lisa first introduced herself, start talking behind the younger girl’s back once they start to realize just how much competition Lisa truly is.

She catches them, numerous times, huddled up in corners and whispering when they think no one else will hear.

 

She hears voices as she nears the corner and slows down.

“The instructors praise her like she is some sort of dance god or something, but the girl can barely introduce herself without messing up a word,” one of them huffs.

“I know, it’s not like she’s even that good, acting like she can come in here and immediately be the best,” another one cuts in.

“She’s making the rest of us look like newbies who can barely dance, yet she can’t rap to save her life, she should just go back to Thailand and save everyone the trouble.”

Jennie stops dead in her tracks at the last one, she rounds the corner and faces the three girls with the most intense glare she can muster. The girls having triggered her overprotective side.

The girls all turn to her with wide eyes and immediately regret having spoken ill of the Thai girl.

“J- Jennie unnie-,” one of them speaks up and earns herself an even more intense glare that makes her shut up and wish she could momentarily disappear from the face of the Earth.

“We- we’re all just stressed because of the upcoming evaluation, you know how it is,” another one tries to wave it off.

“That doesn’t give you an excuse to badmouth someone that works just as hard as you do, especially considering she puts more effort into one practice session than you do into an entire week of practice, Yerin,” she gives the last girl a hard look.

“That’s not-,”

“It _is_ true, don’t even try to deny it, do you really think the instructors don’t notice the same thing? They would be praising you too, if you put even half as much effort into practice as Lisa does.”

“How dare you-,”

“If you’re so concerned with Lisa’s skills then maybe you three are the ones that don’t belong in this company,” she meets each one of their gazes with fire in her eyes, “or any company for that matter.”

The girls stare at her, mouths agape, as Jennie easily turns and walks away.

“What the hell is her problem?” one of them mutters when the older girl is completely out of sight.

“Hell if I know, she’s been treating Lisa like a damn princess ever since she joined.”

“What is she, her guard dog?”

“More like her guard _bitch_.”

 

**

 

“Lisa,” Jennie gently prods at the younger girl to wake up.

Lisa groans.

“You need to get up, come on,” Jennie adds in English, fully aware that the younger girl barely registers Korean when she’s half asleep like this.

 

A couple of days after moving in, Lisa had walked in on Jennie talking to one of her friends from New Zealand, her bright eyes wide with excitement and the biggest grin on her face when she realized that the older was also fluent in English. As soon as Jennie hung up, Lisa swooped in and gave her a hug, making Jennie jump along with her over the simple fact that now they could better communicate and what initially seemed like a massive language barrier was no longer a barrier at all.

 

“Lis,” Jennie sits at her bedside and brushes the bangs out of Lisa’s face, “you know we’ll get yelled at if we’re late.”

Lisa sighs and turns to face her with a pout, “Why do you always have to be right?”

Jennie shrugs as she watches the younger girl drag herself out of bed, “It’s a gift.”

Lisa chuckles and slowly trudges into the joint bathroom, Jennie giving her a playful pat on the rear as she walks by, “Chop-chop, slowpoke.”

Lisa doesn’t even turn, not wanting the older girl to see the blush high on her cheeks.

 

It isn’t until a couple of weeks later that one of the managers catches them speaking in English and immediately forbids it; citing how Lisa should be speaking more Korean if she wants to become fluent quicker.

Lisa nods and ducks her head, feeling admonished. Jennie moves to stand in front of the younger girl and talk to the manager, “We understand.”

The manager assents and directs his gaze towards Lisa, “If I, or any of the staff, see you talking to any of the other trainees in English we will have no choice but to report it to the CEO and that’s not something I want to do, alright?”

Lisa nods, “I understand, thank you.”

Jennie watches as the manager walks away, a frown on her face.

“I’m sorry I almost got you in trouble too,” Lisa mumbles in Korean.

Jennie instantly turns around to face the younger girl and hold her hand, “It’s not your fault, I didn’t think it would be a problem,” she replies in English out of habit.

“Jen-,” Lisa’s eyes widen, “you just-,”

Jennie quickly hushes her and smirks, “It’s okay as long as it’s only us two, we just can’t let them catch us, yeah?”

Lisa is enraptured with the smile and the mirth swimming in the latter’s eyes, at this point she would easily give in to any one of Jennie’s crazy ideas – even if there is the chance of getting in trouble.

 _It can’t be that bad, right?_ A small voice inside her head supplies.

“Okay.”

 

**

 

There is nothing more contrasting than Jennie being herself outside of the practice room versus the person she is while inside – when she’s in her element.

Lisa loves both sides equally.

The powerful and charismatic rapper, with her steely gaze and sharp movements – her entire persona screams _swag_ and Lisa is captivated.

Then, there’s the regular day-to-day Jennie, with her adorable gummy smiles and gentle personality. The Jennie that takes care of Lisa as her self-imposed duty and does it all with a smile on her face that would put the sun itself to shame.

The Jennie that Lisa has seen stand up for her over and over, even when the older girl thinks she is nowhere nearby.

Both of those come together to make the Jennie that Lisa, without realizing it at her young age, starts slowly and irrevocably falling in love with.

 

They tell each other stories of their childhood and bond over wanting something _more_. Something that is just beyond their reach, but they are both actively working towards.

Long practice days blend into weeks which blend into harsh months and stressful evaluations.

Sometimes, during the dead of night, Jennie hears quiet sniffles coming from Lisa’s side of the room. The first time it happens she tries her very best to block them out and give the poor girl some space but fails miserably.

For, how could she leave Lisa alone like that when she can practically feel her own heart breaking into pieces in response to every muffled sob?

She quietly gets out of bed and pads over to Lisa’s, without much thought she lifts the comforter and slides in next to the younger girl, her arms easily embracing Lisa and pulling her closer.

“It’s okay,” she whispers into the darkness when she feels Lisa grip onto her shirt and bury her face in the crook of her neck.

It becomes a habit, after that, sleeping together is second nature to them both and Jennie finds solace in the fact that the younger girl sleeps better when she is by her side.

If she were to speak truthfully, _she_ also sleeps much better when the taller girl wraps her long arms around her and pulls her closer. It makes her feel protected, even though she is the one that is supposed to be doing the protecting.

 

One night, after a very long day, they lay together, exhausted and just about ready to give in to slumber.

“Jen?” Lisa’s small voice breaks the silence after only minutes of turning off the lights.

“Hm?” the smaller girl turns and cuddles into Lisa, almost unconsciously.

There is a long moment where it feels like Lisa will say nothing at all, until…

 

“What if one of us doesn’t make it?” her voice sounds strained.

Jennie opens her tired eyes and moves up to gaze at Lisa’s face under the moonlight, “What do you mean?”

“The final line-up…what if-,”

“Lis, why are you asking that, all of a sudden?”

“I just,” Lisa sighs and rubs a hand over her face, the other one still half-wrapped around Jennie, “what if I don’t make it, Jen?”

Jennie gently turns Lisa’s face towards her own, so the younger girl will look into her eyes, “You will.”

Lisa slowly shakes her head, “You don’t know that.”

“…No, I don’t,” Jennie agrees, “but there is one thing I’m sure of: the Lalisa Manoban I met all those months ago came here with a goal and she wouldn’t leave without achieving it.”

Lisa stares at her for a moment, taken aback by Jennie’s sudden intensity.

“Now, tell me,” Jennie continues, “are you still the same Lisa?”

Lisa closes her eyes and gathers herself – her courage and all her willpower – the drive that got her this far in the first place.

“ _Yes_ ,” she says with unflinching conviction.

“Good,” Jennie gently runs her thumb over Lisa’s cheek again, “you had me worried for a second there, thinking I would have to do this all alone.”

Lisa chuckles and lightly shakes her head before leaning into Jennie’s touch, her eyes closing out of exhaustion.

“I’m sorry,” Lisa whispers once Jennie has settled back down and cuddled back into her, “for making you worry so much.”

Jennie hums, “It’s okay, Lis, I’ll always be here for you, you know that.”

A smile tugs at the corner of Lisa’s lips and her heart flutters in her chest.

“Always?”

“Mhm,” Jennie buries her face in the crook of Lisa’s neck and closes her eyes, welcoming the warmth that the taller girl exudes.

“Together?” Lisa asks a moment later, her thoughts consumed by those of future _what-ifs_.

Jennie snuggles impossibly closer and places a small innocent kiss just under the younger girl’s jawline, “Together.”

 

Together.

 

Always.

_Always together_.

 

It cements itself in both their hearts.

The prickling of a certain sensation – something Lisa has yet to put a name to and Jennie is happy to call mere friendship – slowly seeps forth and fills them with warmth and hope.

 

They go through ups and downs.

Breaking down as silent tears stream down their faces when Lisa misses her family just a little too much or Jennie feels like she isn’t quite good enough.

They lean on each other and stand back up; unwilling to stay down no matter what.

Unwilling to break the promise of not giving up.

 

They laugh at silly things and learn to live in synchrony.

They get caught, more than once, breaking rules that – according to their rebellious sides – were meant to be broken.

They brush it off and don’t think much of their silly little misdoings.

 

It isn’t until a new trainee arrives and the management team finds it best to switch up the room arrangements, in addition to giving Lisa an entirely new schedule, that Jennie realizes something with striking clarity.

She made a _mistake_.

 _They_ made a mistake.

Because…

Lisa needs her, that’s true.

But, she needs Lisa just as much, if not more.

Lisa keeps her grounded.

Or, at least she did when they spent all that time together – from sunrise to sunset and all through the night.

 

 _Inseparable_.

 

Now, there’s this unknown void inside of her that she can’t manage to fill, no matter how much of her free time she tries to spend with Lisa outside of practice.

Her heart beats and there is a black hole where, before, it was filled with warmth – it was filled with Lisa through and through.

She wants to blame the new trainee, her new roommate, for being the cause of the room switch and having Lisa wrongly taken away from her.

 

But, she can’t, no matter how hard she tries.

 

Part of her, deep down, knows exactly _why_ management did what they did.

There were rules and the rules were broken.

 

She can’t find it in herself to dislike, much less hate the new girl. Because this new arrival… she’s all smiles and bright eyes. She’s sunshine and rainbows and everything in between. She’s got a bright personality and a hidden intellect that goes far beyond her years.

She’s friendly and caring; she’s everything that Jennie didn’t expect her to be.

She, unassumingly, helps fill the void that Lisa unknowingly left behind and fills Jennie with just as much happiness as Lisa did.

She sprinkles her days with funny anecdotes and random jokes that give her a lifeline to hold on to.

She makes everything better again and, slowly, Jennie forgets that Lisa ever left a void in her heart in the first place.

She renews Jennie’s drive on a daily basis and gives her something to look forward to, just like Jennie did with Lisa.

She, unwittingly, creeps her way into Jennie’s heart and makes a home in it, unwilling to leave.

 

 

And that…

 

 

 _That_ is Kim Jisoo.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: It's me again, after only 3 days *gasps* I know, shocking. I leave for months and now THIS lol
> 
> For anyone that is confused: Yes, this entire chapter was a flashback.
> 
> Reading all the comments gets me pumped up and motivated to write, that's why I always ask for people to comment, so PLEASE DO! ^^
> 
> Also, raise your hand if you disliked Jennie before and now feel conflicted, I need to know.


	9. Wish

 

 

 

 

 

Eighteen hours.

“I’m home,” Lisa announces as she walks through the front door.

It takes approximately eighteen hours for her to see Jennie again but Jennie just…

 

She won’t even look at her.

She looked in Lisa’s general direction when she heard the door open, but she didn’t actually look _at_ her.

Lisa hangs her head in disappointment.

 

_You won’t even look at me now…_

Her brain starts bombarding her with questions that she has no answers for.

 

_Am I really that disgusting to you?_

_Am I really that horrible to look at, Jennie?_

_How ugly am I in your eyes?_

 

Lisa sighs and plows onwards, towards her room, more than ready to take a shower and get the dry sweat off her skin.

She is slightly taken aback, however, when she opens her bedroom door only to find Jisoo sprawled on her bed, fully immersed in the game on her phone.

A small smile pulls at the corner of Lisa’s lips when she notices all the facial expressions the older girl manages to go through in just a few seconds.

She stands in her own doorway for a minute until Jisoo gets annoyed and throws her own phone on the bed with a grumble, “Stupid bot.”

Lisa chuckles and fully steps inside the room.

“Stupid bot, huh? I take it the computer AI beat you?”

Jisoo instantly flips over on the bed, turning to face her with a twinkle in her eyes that Lisa finds more than a bit adorable.

“It didn’t beat me,” Jisoo rebuts, “it cheated.”

Lisa hums while taking off her shoes and placing them in her walk-in closet, “I don’t think that’s how the AI’s are programed though.”

Jisoo scoffs, trying to contain the smile on her face, “How would you know? You can barely even win a game.”

Lisa, who is still inside the closet looking for her most comfortable clothes, pokes her head out and throws the shirt in her hand at the older girl, “Shut up!”

Jisoo easily catches the shirt in midair and gives her a sly smile, “Wow, you can’t even aim,” she jests.

“I can, too!” Lisa protests, stepping out of the closet with her change of clothes in hand.

Jisoo smirks, “Prove it.”

Lisa proceeds to throw her sleeping shorts and shirt at the older girl, both being easily deflected onto random corners of the bed.

Jisoo lets out a chuckle then pretends to fix the wrinkles on the bedsheets and sighs dramatically, “Ah, all these years and you still haven’t improved one bi-,”

Her words are cut off as Lisa tackles her to the bed and starts mercilessly tickling her sides, leaving her completely breathless.

“LA-,” she gasps for air and shouts between bouts of laughter.

“LI-,”

“SA-,”

The younger girl merely increases her efforts, a large grin painted on her face, until Jisoo is trying to roll over and use the pillows as a shield.

“St- stop,” Jisoo gasps as Lisa tries and succeeds in yanking the pillows away, “Ah, Lisa~,” she whines, turning to bury half her face into the mattress.

Lisa giggles and stops her onslaught, finally giving the older girl a moment.

Lisa watches as Jisoo sucks in a deep breath, filling up her lungs with much needed air. She quietly observes the rise and fall of her chest, the flex of the girl’s neck muscles as she turns her head, and, finally, the blush covering her cheeks form the exertion.

A small part of her wonders how it is that Jisoo manages to look so…stunning, even while in such a state.

 

_Jisoo has always been beautiful, there’s no denying that,_ her brain supplies.

 

Jisoo meets her eyes questioningly and a tiny smile pulls at the corner of Lisa’s lips before she shakes off the thought process.

“Lalisa,” Chaeyoung bursts through her bedroom door, completely unannounced, “I could hear the screaming at the front door,”

Lisa and Jisoo both turn to look at her simultaneously, surprised at being interrupted so abruptly.

“Stop messing with Jisoo-unnie, you’ll crush her,” Chaeyoung waves her away from the older girl and Lisa laughs at her dramatics while getting off Jisoo.

As if Lisa could actually _crush_ her.

Jisoo chuckles as well but goes along with the younger girl nonetheless, “Chaeyoung-ah, Lisa wouldn’t stop tickling me and it hurts,” she places her hand on her side feigning pain.

Chaeyoung swiftly turns to Lisa with fire in her eyes and Lisa takes a step back.

She most certainly does _not_ like being on the receiving end of that look.

“Okay, okay, wait,” she puts her hands up signaling the slightly older girl to stop, “First of all, she started it,” she points at Jisoo, “and second of all, tickling doesn’t actually _hurt_ anybody.”

“You weren’t the one being mercilessly tickled,” Jisoo pouts at her but Lisa can see the mischief dancing in her eyes.

“Lisa-,” Chaeyoung starts.

“But, _Rosie_ , she said I have bad aim,” Lisa protests and adds a cute pout before Chaeyoung goes off on a rant about how she shouldn’t bully her members – physically or otherwise.

Jisoo holds back a giggle, almost unable to contain herself at the way Lisa reacts to Chaeyoung when the latter looks so serious.

“…Well…you do have horrible aim,” Chaeyoung adds after a second of thought, the fire in her eyes gone after seeing Lisa’s adorable little pout.

Jisoo bursts out laughing and Lisa’s mouth gapes open.

Lisa looks back and forth between Jisoo and Chaeyoung, incredulous at their audacity to call her out like that. The moment is interrupted by Chaeyoung’s loud ringtone, the girl taking one glance at the name on the screen and smiling like she just won the lottery.

“I have to get this,” she steps out of the room and closes the door only to return and point at them accusingly, “No tickling or fighting, got it?”

Both girls nod in unison and watch as the latter leaves the room.

“What was that?” Lisa asks, her eyes still on the door.

Jisoo shrugs and gives her a small smile while getting off the bed, “Probably Wendy, you know how she gets.”

Lisa nods, recalling all the times Chaeyoung had a sudden mood change because of Wendy.

“Here,” Jisoo hands Lisa the shorts and top that were previously thrown at her.

Lisa beams, “Thank you.”

“You really do have horrible aim though,” Jisoo adds and Lisa’s smile instantly turns into another pout, this time with the added effect of puppy eyes.

Jisoo can’t help the fluttering in the pit of her stomach or the sudden need to lean forward and capture those beautiful pouty lips with her own.

 

_Stop_ , she tells herself.

_Don’t ruin this._

_She’s your friend._

Just _your friend._

_Nothing more._

“Alright, alright,” she hurriedly turns Lisa by the shoulders, so the younger girl is facing the bathroom, and pushes her inside, “go shower, stinky.”

“Hey!” Lisa protests from the other side of the closed door and Jisoo takes a breath, glad to have overcome herself and her wanton impulses once more.

She turns and leaves the room, if she were to lay back down on the bed, surrounded by the younger girl’s intoxicating scent, she would surely go mad with thoughts that she shouldn’t be having in the first place.

She joins Jennie in the living room, sitting right next to the younger girl.

Jennie gives her one searching look and almost immediately knows something is up. She shifts in her seat, turning to face the older girl.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jisoo shakes her head and waves her off, trying to focus on the TV.

“Jisoo,” Jennie places a soothing hand on the latter’s thigh, “I know you and I know that look, tell me what’s wrong.”

The older girl sighs, “It’s complicated.”

“Tell me and I’ll help you uncomplicate it,” Jennie squeezes her thigh and gives her a reassuring smile.

Jisoo sighs again, clears her throat, and takes a brief glance in the direction of Chaeyoung’s bedroom just to be sure the girl wasn’t around to hear anything.

“It’s Lisa,” Jisoo finally utters.

Jennie’s face scrunches up into a frown, her eyes darkening, “What did she do?”

“She didn’t do anything,” Jisoo huffs, exasperated with herself and her own feelings, “she just- she smiled and pouted and I-,”

She cuts herself off before she can even begin to expose the full spectrum of her lewd thoughts for their youngest group member.

“You what?” Jennie uses her thumb to rub small circles on the latter’s thigh, giving her a soft look in hopes of conveying the words that go unspoken.

_I’m here for you._

_You can trust me._

Jisoo takes a deep breath and gathers herself.

“I’m always on the cusp of wanting to kiss her. It takes everything I have not to and I just- I don’t want to ruin us, Jen. I don’t want to ruin our friendship because I know she loves me and cares about me but…as a friend,” Jisoo blinks several times and looks down, trying to stop the tears that are gathering in her eyes from spilling over, “just a friend.”

Jennie grits her teeth and swallows the lump in her throat.

“Jisoo,” she gently calls the older girl’s attention to meet her gaze.

Jisoo only faces Jennie when she is sure that the tears in her eyes will be kept at bay.

“You talk like she can’t still fall for you,” Jennie reaches for her hand and gives her a small squeeze, “I’m sure, if you give her some time, she’ll fall for your charms,” she tries to console.

_Just like I did_ , she finishes off in her head.

Jisoo scoffs at the thought, “What charms?”

Jennie gives her a gummy smile, “All of them.”

Jisoo chuckles and easily returns the smile, her heart no longer heavy, “Thanks, Jendeukie.”

She leans forward and wraps the younger girl in a grateful hug, “I’m glad I have you,” she whispers into the latter’s dark tresses.

_I wish I had_ you.

The words echo through her head and Jennie is defenseless against the barrage of emotions that claw at her from within, trying to find an outlet.

 

**

 

The noise of the clock resounds within the silence of her room.

 

Tick.

_Yes_.

 

Tock.

_No_.

 

Tick.

_Yes_.

 

Tock.

_No_.

 

Tick.

She swiftly gets off the bed and steps outside, making her way to the room directly in front of her own. She quietly opens the door and steps inside, the darkness offering a reprieve and a sense of peace that she more than desperately craves for.

She stands there for several minutes, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. Eventually, she is able to see the lump on the bed and pinpoint the features of the prone figure.

She steps forward, resolute in her decision to face Lisa once more and-

 

A whimper breaks the still silence and Jennie stops dead in her tracks.

 

Silence.

 

Then…

 

Another one, shortly followed by a quiet gasp for air from the younger girl.

 

Jennie continues forward after a couple of seconds, assuming that Lisa is having another one of her nightmares.

She pushes her original plan for later and silently crawls under the covers next to the taller girl, scooting closer and wrapping her arm around the girl’s waist.

Lisa, however, isn’t pacified by physical contact like she usually is. Her breaths coming in short ragged gasps for air, her legs tangling in the covers and her arms tossing about.

Jennie tightens her hold around Lisa’s waist and pulls her tighter against herself, leaning in to whisper into her ear and calm her down.

“It’s okay.”

Another whimper.

“You’re okay.”

Lisa’s gasps and clutches at the bedsheets, still deep within the dream.

Jennie brushes Lisa’s bangs away from her now sweaty forehead and gives her a soft kiss, suddenly feeling bad for all the nightmares the girl has and guilty for what she came in to ask of her.

“It’s okay, Lis,” Jennie repeats.

Lisa abruptly turns and buries her face in Jennie’s neck as a moan escapes her lips.

“More,” she mumbles in her sleep and Jennie freezes up.

 

 

 

Lisa isn’t having a nightmare, Jennie realizes.

 

 

 

“ _Please_ ,” Lisa begs, enraptured by the dream and the scent that fills her senses – by how real it actually feels.

 

“ _Jen_ ,” she gasps into the older girl’s neck and clutches at her shirt while unconsciously grinding into her body.

 

Jennie can’t find the strength to move, she feels the rush of blood going right to her head and, unbelievably, her nether regions.

Memories – deep dark thoughts that she never before so much as took into account in her conscious mind – surface and start to take over.

Thoughts of her kissing a certain taller girl and doing things that her younger mind, at the time, shouldn’t have conjured up.

 

_No_ , she shakes it off.

 

_Not Lisa._

_Jisoo._

_Always Jisoo._

 

Lisa tightens her grip on Jennie’s shirt and grinds into her one final time before a long breathy moan escapes her parted lips. Her hot breath hitting Jennie’s neck just so as the older girl tries not to make any abrupt movements and wake the red-head.

It’d be a lie if she said Lisa’s grinding and low moans didn’t affect her at all, but Jennie would rather that than accept such a thing in the first place.

 

She waits.

Quietly.

Patiently.

Unmoving.

 

Several long seconds go by, minutes even, and Lisa’s labored breaths gradually return back to normal. Jennie waits a bit longer then, gently, settles back down, unable to leave after realizing that Lisa’s hand is still gripping at her shirt. The younger girl snuggles further into her, seeking out the source of warmth on the bed. Then, just as Jennie lets out a sigh and closes her eyes, thankful that the moment is over and Lisa didn’t wake up in the middle of it to make it all the more awkward, a quiet mumble leaves the sleeping girl’s lips.

 

 

 

“I love you.”

 

 

 

Three simple words that hit Jennie like a bucket of ice cold water.

Guilt and something else, just as familiar, bubble up in her stomach and eat her up from within.

 

The younger girl releases a soft sigh that brushes just over Jennie’s overheated skin and the latter can’t help the goosebumps that erupt all over her body in reaction.

 

_I’m sorry_ , a small voice cries out from within.

 

**

 

It’s disorienting.

Waking up with a warm body pressed to her own. Again.

 

_It’s been happening a lot lately_ , Lisa thinks.

 

But, she has no room to complain, not that she wants to in the first place. It feels nice, it reminds her of sharing a bed with a certain brunette during trainee days, of how loved and supported it made her feel.

She opens her eyes and turns to look over at the figure that is snuggling into her back.

Her heart skips a beat and she forgets how to breathe.

Jennie hadn’t talked to her since _that_ happened.

She hadn’t so much as looked at Lisa nor acknowledged her presence the previous day, yet, here she lay, comfortably snuggled into her back and long into her fifth dream.

Lisa is once more reminded of that humiliating night and all the feelings that came right along with it, her fight or flight reflex starts to kick in and all she wants to do is be alone.

She lifts the covers and tries to shuffle away but the arms around her waist refuse to budge so much as an inch.

“Where are you going?” Jennie’s husky voice sends shivers down her spine.

“To- I- you-,” Lisa can’t think straight with the girl latched onto her waist and her mind still reeling from the memories.

Jennie’s heart softens, empathy for the younger girl overcoming her.

“Lis,” she gently tugs at the girl to make her turn around and properly face her.

Lisa easily does so, unable and partly unwilling to overpower the shorter girl, especially when she hears the latter’s voice soften and whisper her name just so.

“About the other night,” Jennie starts and promptly feels the way Lisa goes completely still under her touch, a prominent blush creeping up her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers just loud enough for Lisa to hear over the loud pounding of her own heart and the blood rushing through her ears.

“I shouldn’t have come into your room like that and I certainly shouldn’t have just left without saying anything, I know you were embarrassed and I didn’t even-,” she sighs, “I’m sorry.”

Lisa slowly nods, trying to comprehend where the sudden apology is coming from.

“And yesterday,” Jennie continues, “I didn’t know how to approach you.”

_And I was jealous, especially after seeing you and Jisoo sleeping like you two are a couple already_ , her mind silently supplies.

She looks up at Lisa through her lashes, “Will you forgive me?”

Lisa swears up and down, if her heart wasn’t already trying to beat out of her chest it surely would have started now.

“Yes.”

 

_How can I not, when you look at me like_ that _?_

 

**

 

They form a routine, sort of.

Somewhere along the way Jisoo starts getting into the habit of visiting Lisa while she practices her dance routines for Top Star. It becomes a given that Jisoo will accompany her every day of shooting, “Emotional support,” she calls it.

Lisa takes her word for it, seeing the sincerity reflected in her dark eyes, but part of her also knows just how much Jisoo loves being around her and spending time with her.

Just as much as Lisa loves being around Jennie and basking in her presence.

That’s why, after every practice session and every episode she successfully completes with top ranks, she asks Jisoo for a kiss.

“A reward for my efforts,” she says.

Jisoo grumbles and complains the entire time, acting as if it’s the very last thing she wants to do, but Lisa knows otherwise. She often catches the blush creeping upon Jisoo’s cheeks and the shy smile afterwards, when Jisoo thinks Lisa isn’t watching.

It warms her heart to think that a simple kiss on the cheek and some physical affection can make the older girl shine brighter than the sun.

Then, there’s Jennie.

Making Lisa second guess herself; her every word and action.

One second, she is pushing her towards Jisoo and the next she is glaring daggers at her for so much as hugging the older girl.

It’s confusing, to say the least.

One fateful day, Lisa arrives at the dorm earlier than usual, she goes straight to her bedroom, fully aware that the other girls all had separate schedules and likely wouldn’t be home until much later.

That is, until she walks into her joint bathroom and finds Jennie stark naked, with a towel raised in midair, about to dry her wet hair.

Lisa’s eyes inevitably roam over the older girl’s body, unable to contain herself, then quickly snap back up to Jennie’s face, cheeks flaming red.

Jennie plays it off, trying to be as casual as possible while in front of the girl that has confessed her love for her.

The girl that she is sure has climaxed more than once while thinking about her.

The girl that, now, is looking at her like she was carved by the hands of gods themselves.

Jennie clears her throat and wraps the towel around herself.

 

“I guess we’re even, now.”

 

Lisa swears left and right to all the spirits that are willing to listen.

 

_Jennie Kim, you will be the death of me._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry for any proofing errors, I need sleep lol
> 
> FUN FACT: Yes, it is possible to orgasm while you sleep. There's your lesson for the day, you're welcome.
> 
> As always; leave comments, yadda yadda, you know the drill~


	10. Red

 

 

 

 

 

She’s trying to act normal.

 

She’s trying her absolute hardest.

 

But, something seems to happen every time she turns and catches a glimpse of a certain brunette casually talking or walking.

Jennie could just be there, _breathing,_ and Lisa’s thoughts instantly betray her.

 

The only problem is this: Jennie Kim doesn’t simply _breathe_. She sucks up all the air in the room and leaves Lisa lightheaded. Her thoughts running wild with scenarios that will never even have a chance of happening. Her own imagination the ultimate perpetrator, right along with said brunette. The mere sight of the shorter girl in her peripheral vision has Lisa reeling with images of the latter’s curvaceous figure and a craving, so strong and unrelenting, that she cannot satisfy. Her body heats up with the thoughts that consume her from within and Lisa has no choice but to avoid Jennie at all costs, lest she loses control of herself and falls for temptation.

 

 

“Hey,” a familiar voice snaps her out of her thoughts and Lisa nearly jolts away when she realizes just how close the girl sits and exactly _who_ it is.

“J- Jennie,” she clears her throat and rights herself in the seat, scooting a couple of inches away from the older girl and focusing her attention straight ahead, “-unnie, w-what is it?”

Jennie cocks her head and gives the younger girl a weird look. Something about the way Lisa acts towards her shifted, ever since Lisa walked in on her standing in the bathroom completely naked after taking a shower.

Jennie tried to casually play it off as if it was nothing, as if it didn’t even faze her, and she did it successfully. However, Lisa…

Lisa can now barely look in her general direction without blushing and immediately looking away, distracting herself with random objects in the room, even with the wall if at all possible.

 

Three weeks.

 

Three merciless weeks and Lisa is still afraid to even spare her a glance.

Jennie didn’t think much of it, at first. Until she realized just how much of an absence it caused, how weird and out of place she felt without the younger girl’s attention. Sure, they had their problems and may not have been the closest ever since the confessions and the whole deal started, but now it was different.

Lisa would still look at her before or at least be on the lookout _for_ her.

But now…

Jennie can almost physically feel the absence of the red-head’s heated gaze on her. She finds that a part of her quite misses the way Lisa’s eyes often sought her out no matter the time or place.

Jennie has tried, time and again, to brush it off.

 

_It doesn’t affect me._

 

Jennie shifts, leaning back on the couch and stretching out her legs to rest her feet on the edge of the coffee table. She casually grabs the remote just at her side and starts flicking through the channels. She pretends to give the useless action her full attention even though all she can focus on is the girl in her peripheral vision and how extremely still Lisa is sitting – taut as a coiled spring.

“I just wanted to remind you that we still have those photoshoots coming up,” Jennie pauses to eye the younger girl and catches her small nod in return.

 

_It doesn’t affect me._

 

“It’s in a couple of days.”

Lisa nods again.

 

_It doesn’t affect me._

 

Jennie looks around the room, unsure of how to continue the conversation if all the younger girl does is nod without a word or a look in her direction. Her eyes fall on the TV again where she sees people dancing and an idea pops into her head.

“…Did you already practice enough for the show tomorrow?”

Of course, she already knows what Lisa’s answer is going to be, the younger girl barely even needs to practice more than a few hours to get a routine down pat and add her own twist to it; mastering every single movement and executing it with cutthroat precision – full of power and charisma.

Lisa takes a breath, then, without even turning her head, “Yes.”

Jennie releases an inward sigh.

 

_It doesn’t affect me_ , the mantra in her head repeats.

 

“I don’t have any other schedules tomorrow, so I can finally go and personally cheer you on,” a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips at the thought of seeing the girl in her element after what seems like ages of not attending her practices session or only watching her dance on TV. Seeing Lisa dance in person is different from seeing her through a screen, she draws a person in so completely with her live performances, it’s incomparable. A small voice in the back of her mind makes note to take some time out of her schedule to watch the younger girl practice every so often.

There is a long pause, one which Lisa takes to seemingly catch her breath before releasing a soft, “Okay.”

Just _okay_.

 

The mantra in Jennie’s head picks back up:

_It doesn’t affect me._

Lisa doesn’t bother to look at her.

_It doesn’t affect me._

Nor smile.

_It doesn’t affect me._

Jennie finds that she misses it: her gaze, her smile, her laugh, her _everything_.

_It doesn’t-_

 

 

 

 

_It does._

 

Something snaps within and Jennie finds herself moving closer. She grabs Lisa’s chin and turns the younger girl to face her in one swift movement, irked at the disregard.

“Would it kill you to look at me?”

Lisa is taken aback by her actions and her sudden proximity; her eyes meet Jennie’s for one split second before quickly averting them elsewhere.

“I-,”

Jennie cocks her head to the side, trying to catch Lisa’s wandering gaze, “Or do I have to strip naked for you to spare me a second glance?”

Lisa chokes on air, her eyes widen in astonishment and she immediately looks back up to meet the latter’s burning gaze, “Wh- no, that’s not-,”

“Not what?” Jennie insists.

“T-that’s not it,” Lisa’s panicked eyes try to focus on Jennie’s own, “I swear.”

“Isn’t it, though?” The older girl frowns, “You have barely looked at me, much less talked to me ever since,” she trails off.

Lisa frowns, she didn’t expect the older girl to react this way, she thought keeping her distance would be best after that; not only to control herself but as to not make the older girl more uncomfortable.

Jennie searches her eyes for a moment, “…You really thought I wouldn’t notice?”

Lisa silently shakes her head and Jennie’s expression softens.

“…Or did you think I wouldn’t care?”

Lisa looks down, trying to keep herself together as to not break down in front of the older girl. She can’t handle the way Jennie is looking at her, like some part of her actually _loves_ her. It’s too much for her heart to take, especially with her own feelings so close to bursting forth.

Jennie gently lifts her chin to meet her eyes again, a sad smile on her lips.

“I want my best friend back,” Jennie mutters while softly caressing the taller girl’s cheek.

 

 

 

 

 

“…I want _you_ back,” the older girl finishes and Lisa’s breath catches in her throat.

 

_You never lost me_ , Lisa wants to say.

_You pushed me away, but I’ve always been here._

 

She slowly nods as one loner tear rolls down her face. Jennie’s sad smile soon turns to a happier more genuine one as Lisa tries to blink away the rest of the tears that cloud her vision.

“You have me,” the younger girl finally manages to say through the tightness in her throat.

 

_You’ve had me from the very start_ , Lisa finishes off in her head.

 

Jennie’s smile widens and she pulls the taller girl in for a tight hug, unable to contain herself and the surge of happiness that flows through her body now that Lisa is looking at and actually talking to her. Lisa shyly buries her face in the crook of the older girl’s neck, nervous and elated all at once.

Nervous for herself and her ability to control her own actions and elated because at least some part of Jennie still wants and cares for her, even if it is just as a friend. Lisa releases a sigh into the crook of the latter’s neck and Jennie tightens the arms around her waist, pulling her closer still.

Jennie finds comfort in her arms; her warmth. Then, unexpectedly, the memory of Lisa’s breathy voice reverberates through her head.

 

_I love you._

It’s no longer shocking nor repelling.

Deep down, in her very core, her soul basks in the memory of the now soothing declaration.

 

**

 

It’s exhilarating.

Having everyone’s eyes on her as she lets her body flow through the movements; she makes it look more natural than breathing and the entire audience is mesmerized by her skills.

The fans, the judges, and…

She chances a look towards the area that she knows Jisoo usually sits at and sees the glimmer in her eyes that accompany the large smile on her face. Then, beside her, Lisa catches a glimpse of a small smile stretching upon Jennie’s lips as she gazes back at her in awe.

She executes the last few moves and strikes a pose, her messy hair sticking to the perspiration on her face as she sucks in several deep breaths.

There’s a small pause before the entire audience erupts into a roar of clapping and cheering that nearly deafens her.

Lisa smiles from ear to ear and bows. When she straightens back up she spots both Jennie and Jisoo’s proud faces in the crowd. She grins back at them and shyly waves before walking off into the backstage area to wait for the final ranks since she was the last dancer to perform that day. She’s walking to her prep room when she feels someone slam into her from behind, knocking the breath out of her lungs and giving her a bear hug.

“That was amazing,” the smaller girl compliments as she gives Lisa a squeeze then turns her around, “you’re amazing,” she beams.

A large grin breaks over Lisa’s face in response to Jisoo’s words.

“You think so?” she looks at the floor then back up at Jisoo, feeling bashful with the way the older girl looks at her.

Jisoo chuckles and gives her another squeeze before loosening her embrace and backing up a bit to look her in the eyes, “I know so.”

A light blush appears over Lisa’s cheeks, the way Jisoo always compliments her after the performances or just in general, make her feel so special. And, recently, she has been unable to contain her smile every time the older girl looks at her with shining eyes – so full of love.

Lisa clears her throat and takes a small step back with a mischievous grin, “So amazing that you’ll owe me another kiss after the results are announced.”

Jisoo mockingly rolls her eyes, “Ugh, don’t remind me, I’ll gag.”

Lisa laughs as Jisoo dramatically mimes being sick and throwing up in front of her.

“You sure run fast when you want to get somewhere,” Jennie slowly strolls up to them, using the hallway as her own runway.

Lisa instantly turns and meets her cat-like eyes, she had nearly forgotten that Jennie was also here. Their eyes meet and Jennie gives her a proud gummy smile.

“You did well.”

Lisa can feel the fluttering of a million butterflies swarming together in the pit of her stomach.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t put in a little extra effort to come out on top and impress Jennie, especially since this is the first time the older girl came to personally cheer for her on the show.

 

They all walk together to Lisa’s assigned prep room and chat to kill time while the judges cast their votes and the fans have their chance to send theirs in as well.

No more than twenty minutes later, Lisa, along with the rest of the dancers, are called onto the stage to officially announce the current rankings and the winner of the week. The remaining fifteen contestants stand in a straight line facing the audience, Lisa at one of the ends next to Seulgi. The positions are announced in a flurry of cheers and more clapping. Lisa’s eyes naturally travel back to Jisoo who is practically jumping in her spot with excitement and clapping nonstop. Lisa smiles at her then looks at Jennie, who is gazing back at her with the cutest gummy smile on her face. Lisa gets so distracted – so lost in her eyes – that she doesn’t notice the emcee announce the first place until Jennie’s eyes widen and snap away from her own to check the screen with the scores, only to look back at her with the largest grin. Soon enough Lisa registers the roar of the crowd and looks around, astounded. Seulgi taps her shoulder to get her attention and congratulates her with a sincere smile and a hug.

“Imagine if we teamed up,” she says close to Lisa’s ear and they both laugh because that would be almost unfair to the rest of the contestants considering their constant high scores and rankings independently.

They all bow to the audience and the judges, then proceed backstage.

Lisa expects to have her breath taken away again by another one of Jisoo’s tackling bearhugs but that’s not the case. Instead, it’s Seulgi that almost gets knocked down by Jisoo who nearly squeezes the life out of her while congratulating her for coming in second place and giving her compliments on her dance routine. Lisa smiles at them, ignoring the tiny voice in the back of her head that wishes Jisoo had gone to her first.

She watches, from several steps away, as Jisoo and Seulgi chat it up like they’ve gone months without seeing each other even though Jisoo always makes a point of talking to the other girl every week, especially if none of the Red Velvet members make it to cheer her on. Lisa cocks her head, observing them silently, then, unexpectedly, a pair of arms slip around her waist and a head rests on her shoulder.

Lisa half turns her head to get a good look at the smaller figure, expectant at who it might be, yet aware that she shouldn’t have such high hopes in the first place when it comes to this particular girl.

Jennie simply smiles at her, cognizant of the way Lisa’s breath hitches when she turns and finds that their faces are barely an inch apart. She lightly squeezes the taller girl only to release her a moment later and walk over to congratulate Seulgi as well. The younger girl slightly frowns, missing the embrace and the attention right away.

Lisa doesn’t hear what they say, the buzz of the staff and some of the contestants walking about and chatting or carrying out their duties making it impossible for her to overhear.

It isn’t until Jisoo walks over to her, a beaming grin on her face that Lisa drops the frown and replaces it with a smile of her own.

“Hey, you,” the smaller girl throws an arm over Lisa’s shoulders and stands on her tippy toes, pretending to be taller than she really is.

Lisa laughs and wraps her own arm around Jisoo’s waist, “Hey yourself.”

“A little bird told me that a girl going by the name Lalisa Manoban may or may not have come in first place today,” Jisoo continues, still stretching to stand tall.

“A little birdy, huh?” Lisa grins, “What else did this bird say?”

“He said Lalisa Manoban is also an ugly, big-headed, long-legged giant that-,”

Lisa lightly smacks Jisoo’s behind and the older girl releases a squeal, abruptly ending her own sentence.

Jisoo uses her free arm to smack Lisa back while laughing, “It’s only true.”

“It’s not,” Lisa whines and pouts, shaking her head like a little kid.

Jisoo looks at her adorable pout and self-consciously adds some distance between their faces, afraid of leaning in just a bit too far and slipping up.

“It is too,” she singsongs, absolutely loving Lisa’s reactions to her teasing.

“Well,” Lisa pauses and wraps her other arm around Jisoo’s waist, holding her in place, “I also happened to talk to a bird earlier today, he told me that a girl going by the name of Kim Jisoo owes me a kiss,” she winks, unknowingly causing the older girl’s heart to skip several beats and a blush to rise up in her cheeks.

 

_Shit, shit, shit._

_So much for being the one to tease her_ , Jisoo thinks.

 

Lisa leans closer and turns her head, so her cheek is directly in front of Jisoo’s red-painted lips, waiting.

Jisoo’s heart picks up in rhythm, painfully beating against her ribs as blood continues to rush to her head.

 

_Please, be still, my beating heart._

 

She slowly leans closer, firmly pressing her lips to Lisa’s soft cheek. When she backs up she finds that she left a red, heart-shaped lipstick stain on the latter’s pink-tinted cheeks.

She rubs at it to no avail, only successful in smudging it further and making it worse.

Lisa laughs at her efforts and pulls the smaller girl’s hand away from her face, “It’s fine, I’ll take it off later.”

The same thing has happened several times before; Lisa’s cheeks becoming a canvas for the various shades of red and pink lipstick that Jisoo often wears out. Lisa, so used to it being the other way around with her often leaving lipstick marks on the other members, finds that…she kind of likes it.

Jisoo steps back from the loose embrace and ducks her head, letting her hair fall on her face to try and cover up the blush that she well knows is painted high on her cheeks.

Lisa turns, now swinging her arm over Jisoo’s shoulders to keep her close in the cacophony of people, the older girl wrapping her own around Lisa’s waist. When Lisa looks up in the direct of Jennie and Seulgi, however, she catches the smaller girl giving her an unreadable look. One that makes her uneasy at her very core, and suddenly, she is far more self-conscious of the lipstick stain on her cheek than she ever has been.

They make small talk before waving their goodbyes until the next time. The three girls easily make their way to the van where one of their managers is waiting for them, and get inside, more than ready to return home.

 

It’s… _odd_.

There seems to be a cold atmosphere radiating from Jennie and Lisa can’t seem to shake the uneasy feeling in her gut.

It’s more uncomfortable than she had thought.

Being in the car, stuck between the girl who makes her heart beat and the girl whose heart beats _for_ her.

The girl who-

 

Jisoo’s hand naturally gravitates toward Lisa’s own, interlacing their fingers and resting their joint hands on her lap.

Lisa blinks and looks over at her, slowly tracing the outlines of the latter’s beautiful side profile with her eyes.

 

_The girl who_ what _?_ Lisa asks herself.

 

Jisoo’s hand gives hers a soft, almost unconscious, squeeze before tracing circular patterns on it with her thumb and something twists deep inside of Lisa.

 

 

 

 

 

_What is this?_

 

 

 

 

 

_Jisoo…_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I literally only had like 500 words of this written this morning and I didn't think I would finish today because I'm a slow writer but here we are, yay! Thank you guys for the kudos <3 Ya'll are awesome!
> 
> Officially 10 chapters in but in my outline this...isn't even chapter 4 .-. lol
> 
> Anyway, who else is on the edge of their seat waiting for the next chapter? I would say same but I already know what happens haha
> 
> Let me know what you guys think in the comments!


	11. Haze

 

 

 

 

 

Jisoo wakes up with a coughing fit. Her throat dry and aching, and, on top of that, a headache. The hectic schedule she made for herself finally taking a toll on her body. Going to photoshoots and promotional events is no big deal, but, going to all of Lisa’s events while trying to put in her own practice time and dealing with her own schedule certainly managed to wear her off.

She barely had an appetite the previous night, foregoing a proper meal for a small snack instead, that should have been the first sign, but she merely ignored it.

She sluggishly gets out of bed and drags herself to the kitchen for a bottle of water, aching body protesting the entire way. She makes a detour to the bathroom to grab some painkillers which she chugs down along with the water and goes right back to bed, ready to sleep in until late. She scrunches her eyes for a second, willing the headache to go away so she can think clearly. In passing, she recalls the schedule for the day and mentally curses her newfound sickness and herself for letting it happen. She stretches out her hand, reaching for her phone and setting an alarm for ten in the morning. Not only does she have to get up and be ready for their flight to Japan, but she still has to pack some clothes for the short stay in the other country.

She sighs and sets her phone back down on the nightstand then rubs at her tired eyes.

_Just perfect._

Finally, she fully settles back into the bed, the feeling of sinking into the comfortable mattress a welcome reprieve. Somehow the short walk from her bedroom to the kitchen and the small detour to the bathroom had completely exhausted her. She closes her eyes and turns to bury half her face in the pillow, more than ready to pass out for the next several hours.

 

Dreadfully, ten in the morning rolls around far quicker than she had hoped. Even after a couple of hours of shuteye she feels drained, sick, and like she barely slept two scant minutes. She goes through the normal routine of preparing her travel bag with the essentials, although much slower than usual. It isn’t until just past eleven that she finishes packing and getting ready. She sets her bag by the entrance and shuffles into the kitchen, as per habit. In her current state, her body doesn’t even really crave for food like it usually does. She has a nagging feeling that if she does eat anything she will likely throw up and regret it later.

She shakes her head at the thought and, instead of eating anything filling, she opts to lightly sip on some orange juice. However, that idea is quickly trashed when the liquid makes contact with her taste buds and her first reaction is to gag and grimace. She sets the cup aside and heavily leans on the edge of the kitchen counter, head hung low as she takes deep breaths and tries to control her gag reflex.

 

_Okay…_

 

_Water it is then._

 

When the rest of the girls finally start trickling out of their rooms one by one, all dressed and with their bags packed, they find Jisoo reading a book, an unopened bottle of water in front of her.

She’s not quite reading, she has been on the same page for almost half an hour – the pressure in her head making it impossible to fully process the words and her thoughts becoming fuzzy – but at least she’s _trying_ and that’s enough of an accomplishment for her.

“Good morning,” Chaeyoung chirps, quickly preparing herself something to eat and leaving some for the other two girls that soon come out of their respective rooms.

“Morning,” Jisoo mumbles, glancing away from her book to give Chaeyoung a small smile, far too tired for anything else.

“Can’t wait to get to Japan and get the photoshoot over with later so we can have some free time,” Chaeyoung practically bounces in her seat after settling down to eat, “where do you want to go to eat after our schedule?”

Chaeyoung is looking at her with sparkling eyes, all from the mere thought of food, and Jisoo can’t help but chuckle at the younger girl’s appetite.

“I’m not sure,” she trails off. Food is the last thing on her mind, she has no craving for anything, especially considering how her stomach had churned at the mere taste of simple orange juice earlier.

“Ah, I really can’t wait to have some more of those-,”

Chaeyoung gets cut off by the ringing of her phone and the mumbled _good morning_ from Jennie and Lisa.

Jisoo’s gaze immediately drifts to the youngest, unconsciously eyeing her from top to bottom. Once again, she wonders just how, exactly, Lisa manages to look perfect in washed-out high-waisted shorts and simple black shirt that is tucked in.

“Oh,” Chaeyoung greets them then turns her full attention to her phone, a smile pulling at her lips, “I’ll be back in a bit,” she gets up, taking her plate of food and going back into her room.

“So much for having breakfast as a group,” Lisa jests when she catches sight of the name flashing on Chaeyoung’s screen.

Chaeyoung ignores her in favor of answering the phone, they all catch the initial greeting just before Chaeyoung closes the door, “Hi, baby-,”

Jennie chuckles, “She’s so whipped.”

Lisa and Jisoo smile and nod in agreement.

They all go silent, the sounds of Lisa and Jennie serving themselves being the only noise in the room.

All three girls lost in their own tumultuous thoughts.

 

_I wish I had that with her,_ Jisoo thinks in passing, her eyes on the youngest.

Lisa gets the prickling sensation of being stared at and turns away from the plate in her hands, her eyes scanning the room and meeting Jisoo’s soft gaze. Jisoo’s eyes widen in surprise and she immediately turns her attention back to her open book, going over the lines like her life depends on it.

She doesn’t notice the way Lisa’s lips form an easy smile as she goes about what she was doing; grabbing her food and settling down across from Jisoo to eat.

Only a couple of seconds go by when Lisa looks back up, this time meeting Jennie’s penetrating gaze. A shiver runs down Lisa’s spine at the inappropriate thoughts that flash through her head all from one mere glance. She clears her throat and breaks eye-contact, focusing on finishing her food and thinking about the schedule ahead of them.

 

**

 

Chaeyoung isn’t a big fan of airports.

She never has been.

She simply doesn’t like how hectic everything gets and how rushed everyone always seems to be; stressing over the smallest thing like it’s the end of the world.

After becoming an idol, though, it changed, and not for the better.

She loves the fans with all her heart, it makes her happy beyond belief when she sees Blinks waiting for them and holding up big signs with inspirational words to cheer them on. But, the downside of having such big crowds waiting for them – to see them, give them gifts, or take pictures – well, it’s almost overwhelming. The thought that, in one split second, the fans could get overexcited and break the line, separating the members from each other and their accompanying managers. Not only that, but, mostly the thought that maybe not everyone in the crowd is a fan, maybe they are exactly the opposite.

Maybe they’re anti-fans who blend well into the crowd, awaiting their perfect moment, just one single mistake and they’ll be ready to strike.

It’s _terrifying_.

She smiles for the cameras that are flashing at them from every direction and reaches back to slip her hand into Lisa’s who quickly catches up with her strides.

Somehow, the walk to the check-in area always seems to be the longest. Chaeyoung keeps glancing around, making sure to keep a smile on her face for the fans, all the while trying not to let her worry shine through. She spares a glance behind them, through the crowd that has nearly enclosed her and Lisa in a bubble and spots both Jennie and Jisoo lagging behind, Jisoo’s hand latched onto Jennie’s arm. She frowns slightly, there is definitely something going on with Jisoo, she certainly wasn’t her usual preppy self in the morning and Chaeyoung is almost one hundred percent sure that Jennie is only walking that slow because of the eldest.

Before she has a chance to worry herself further though, they arrive at the check-in area and the attendant asks to take a look at their tickets and passports before letting them proceed. It isn’t until Chaeyoung is sent through into the waiting area that Jennie and Jisoo catch up. Lisa stiffly walks in right after her, sparing one last lingering look over her shoulder. They hold hands again as one of their managers ushers them to go sit near their respective departure gate.

She notices how the younger girl keeps turning her head to glance at the door that leads back to the check-in area and gives her hand a quick squeeze. Lisa turns to face her and Chaeyoung gives her a gentle smile before uttering, just loud enough for only Lisa to hear, “Manager unnie is with them, they’re fine, don’t worry.”

It seems to placate the younger girl, if only slightly. It isn’t until about a minute later, when Jennie and Jisoo appear through the door, that Lisa’s stiff posture relaxes as she and Chaeyoung slow down for the other two to catch up. Together, they make their way to the sitting area by their gate. Jisoo immediately slumps down into one of the seats, right next to Jennie – the first seat she reached, really – and lets out a silent sigh. If the walk that morning exhausted her then this one did exactly the same thing, but with ten times the effect. She shrinks in on herself, hugging the book in her hands close to her body and ducking her head so the cap covers most of her face. The headache, even after taking ibuprofen, went away for nearly an hour then came back with a vengeance.

Jennie leans in, ducking her head to catch Jisoo’s fatigued eyes, “You okay?”

Jisoo gives her a small smile and waves her off, “Yeah, just tired,” she leans against the younger girl’s shoulder, “wake me up when we have to board.”

Jennie rests her cheek against the top of Jisoo’s head and smiles, happy to have the older girl leaning on her shoulder so casually, “Of course.”

Across from them, Chaeyoung calmly sits, scrolling through her phone to pass the time. She nearly lets out a squeal when her phone vibrates in her hand with a new message notification.

The familiar name pops up on the preview screen and her heart skips a beat.

 

                                **Wendy** **♥**

**Stay safe and remember to let me know when you land. Call me when you get to the hotel. Have fun!**

**P.S. – I already miss you**

 

Chaeyoung grins at the message and quickly types back a response.

 

                                **Yes, yes, and yes. My…what a protective girlfriend I have.**

**P.S. – I miss you too**

 

The things this girl makes her feel with a simple text message – the things her heart does within her chest at the thought of her – it is all so new to Chaeyoung. It makes her feel like she is on top of the world, but at the same time, she fears that the happiness it brings could also be snatched from her in one split second.

Fleetingly, she wonders if Lisa feels the same for Jennie and Jennie feels the same for Jisoo. But, just as quickly, she quashes the thought because surely their feelings and their situations are miles from her own.

Just beside her, Lisa slumps in her own seat. One glance to the seats across from them and she sees Jennie and Jisoo resting against each other, the older girl completely passed out while the other one lazily looks around at the people passing by.

A small crease forms between her brows at the sight. She’s jealous, that much is obvious to herself. However, her feelings are a jumbled mess. On one hand there is Jennie, trying to stay awake with an adorable little frown forming on her face. Then, there’s Jisoo, leaning so close to the latter that Lisa can practically imagine how the older girl’s breath would ghost over her own neck at that proximity. And, she should be jealous. She _should_.

 

She _is_.

 

 

The thing is, she wishes she were Jisoo.

 

 

 

But, a small part of her also wishes Jisoo was leaning on her own shoulder instead.

 

Lisa huffs and diverts her attention to her phone, mindlessly checking social media and scrolling through countless comments from their fans. Some of them make her smile, the encouraging words of Blinks giving her motivation for their future activities. Every couple of comments though, there is a particular word that keeps catching her eye.

 

_Jensoo_.

Her mood quickly turns sour.

She sighs and turns off her phone just in time for the boarding announcement to play over the intercom.

Soon enough they have all boarded the plane are well on their way to Japan.

 

**

 

Two hours.

 

 

The plane ride is nearly two whole hours and all Jisoo wants to do is go to sleep but the headache won’t even let her do _that_. The change in altitude only makes it worse, it gets to the point where it feels like someone is pounding at her head with a sledgehammer. Thirty minutes into the ride she rummages through her handbag for the small travel-sized medicine pouch without attracting the attention of the other girls or their manager and grabs two tablets of ibuprofen. She gets up and asks one of the hostesses for water, taking the pills and chasing them down with a sip of said liquid and a small grimace on her face.

When she returns to her seat Jennie is watching her with curious eyes.

“Bathroom,” Jisoo mumbles and the other girl nods, taking that as an acceptable answer.

Jisoo easily settles back into her seat, once again leaning her head on Jennie’s shoulder and half cuddling into her in hopes of falling asleep and getting some more sleep before the arrival.

 

 

Lisa is uneasy the entire time. Not only are Jennie and Jisoo sharing the row in front of both Lisa and Chaeyoung, but, from her spot, Lisa can see that they’re all over each other. She can barely tell where one body ends and the other begins.

She turns and watches as the clouds pass by, trying to ignore the odd feeling in her chest and her own thoughts altogether.

 

**

 

“Okay, now turn this way,” the photographer signals them to face him.

They do and go through several photos, posing this way and that, before the photographer finally straightens up.

“That was perfect, I’ve got enough pictures to choose from for the editorial,” he smiles at them, “are you girls sure you’re not actually models passing off as idols?”

The girls laugh and wave him off, bowing to him and the rest of the staff before donning their casual clothes in the changing room and leaving with the manager.

On the ride to their hotel all they can think about is getting food and having some free time to explore as they wish. All except Jisoo, of course. Because the only thing on her mind in that particular moment is the thought of how good the bed will feel after a long hot bath that will, hopefully, rid her of the sickness or make her feel a bit better at least.

 

When they finally arrive Jisoo immediately latches on to Lisa’s arm as they make their way towards their shared room. Usually this is something she does out of habit, as if Lisa is her center of gravity and she is constantly pulled towards the latter. In this case, however, she does it subconsciously but also out of necessity. Her legs and her entire body feel weighed down considerably so, especially after the flight and the events of that day.

Without warning, her foot catches on one of the steps and she is pitching forward. She closes her eyes, fully expecting to crash face-first onto the floor. What she gets instead is two slender arms quickly wrapping themselves around her waist and catching her just before she hits the hard surface. Jisoo’s hands immediately grip onto the arms that are wrapped around her waist. The taller girl helps her straighten up and she turns her head only to see Lisa’s big worried eyes already on her.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Jisoo mumbles and squeezes the arms that are firmly wrapped around her waist, “just tired and,” she halfheartedly glares at the offending step that made her trip, “I didn’t see that.”

Lisa almost laughs but a bigger part of her is still worried for the older girl. Jisoo was quieter and far more reserved than usual. Earlier that day, during their break at the photoshoot, Jisoo passed up on eating any chicken, citing that she ate enough in the morning and still felt full. And, that is something that really strikes Lisa as odd because Jisoo never passes up on eating any food, especially chicken of all things.

_Unless something is wrong_ , her mind supplies.

“Just hold on to me then,” she offers the smaller girl her hand and Jisoo gratefully links their arms together before slipping her hand into Lisa’s own. Jisoo barely even has half a mind to revel in the warmth that Lisa exudes or the sweet scent that fills her senses.

Lisa takes note of the way the smaller girl heavily leans into her as they continue on their path to the room and tightens her hold on the latter’s hand. Jisoo silently lets her lead the way, her muddled thoughts slowly becoming fuzzier with every step.

When they finally arrive at their shared hotel room Jisoo mumbles a low, “Need a nap,” and all but stumbles right into one of the beds, instantly crawling under the covers after kicking off her shoes and claiming the bed as her own. Completely foregoing the hot bath that she previously yearned for.

Lisa sets down her own bag and stands in the middle of the room, carefully eyeing the older girl. She silently approaches the bed and properly pulls up the covers to fully cover the smaller girl’s body. Jisoo shifts, already asleep from the exhausting day, and a small pout forms on her lips. Lisa smiles, softly brushing the stray strands of hair out of the older girl’s face before dropping a quick kiss on the top of her head and silently leaving the room so Jisoo can rest.

She heads out, to Chaeyoung and Jennie’s shared room to tag along with them for the trip to a nearby restaurant. Of course, not without making a mental note to order some takeout so Jisoo will eat something when she finally wakes up from her much-needed nap.

 

 

“Jisoo seems to be a bit…off today, don’t you think?” Chaeyoung asks as she covers her mouth and finishes chewing.

Jennie slowly nods with a small frown on her face, “She does.”

“You noticed too?” Lisa leans forward, resting her elbows on the edge of the table, losing interest in the food and getting absorbed in the conversation.

“Yea, it’s almost like…”

“Like she’s way more tired than normal?” Jennie finishes for Chaeyoung and the younger girl nods.

Lisa sighs, wondering what exactly is going on with their eldest and why she hasn’t said anything, “We should at least make sure she eats more, I didn’t see her eat anything all day.”

Soon enough they finish their meals and head back to the hotel, Lisa carefully carrying a bag of takeout for the girl that unwittingly occupies her mind. She stops by Chaeyoung and Jennie’s room, intending for it to be a quick pit-stop but gets caught up chatting about their plans after the schedule for the next day.

Afterwards, when she steps back into the darkness of her shared room with Jisoo she fully expects to see the latter still sound asleep on her bed, but when turns on the lights and looks around…

 

 

 

The room is completely _empty_.

 

Lisa sets down the bag of takeout on the side table and stops dead in her tracks.

Something immediately setting off in her brain.

 

“Jisoo?”

She checks the joint bathroom and balcony.

She even goes as far as to checking the nearly empty closet.

 

_Nothing_.

 

“Jisoo?” she calls out again, the pitch of her voice getting higher.

_Why am I getting so worried?_

_She probably just went out for a minute or two_ , she tells herself, but she can’t help the bad feeling that settles itself in the pit of her stomach.

Without further thought, she goes out, her eyes flicking from one place to another as she makes her way through every single floor of the hotel; from bottom to top.

 

It isn’t until she is back at the uppermost level, just three levels above the one their rooms are in, that she hears it.

 

It’s faint, at first, but then…

 

 

 

“ _Help_!”

 

 

 

Lisa’s eyes widen and her heart leaps into her throat.

 

 

 

_That’s…_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I fell asleep for a hot 20 min earlier after getting home from work and my mom woke me up (ya'll should thank her, if she didn't wake me up this wouldn't have gotten updated today like I initially planned lol). Let me know if there are any errors because I barely proofread this.
> 
> Ya'll crack me up with the "I keep jumping ships" and the "I'm cancelling this if it isn't x endgame" lmao
> 
> Hit me with the comments!


	12. Frigid

 

 

 

 

 

Sleep comes easy, her drained body fully caves into exhaustion, and Morpheus welcomes her with open arms. That is, until she wakes in the middle of a dream, completely unsettled and out of sorts.

 

It’s _cold_.

 

It’s like the natural heat has left her body all at once and what was previously only a cool room with a bearable temperature has suddenly turned into something akin to the north pole.

Jisoo pulls the blankets tighter around her body and curls up into a small ball.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

She drags herself out of bed and digs through the closet for another quilt or comforter. After snatching up the two extra comforters provided by the hotel she tosses them both on the bed, right on top of the one that was already present, and crawls back under the covers.

She instantly feels the difference but…

 

_Why is it still freezing?_

 

She curls up and wraps her arms around herself, wishing the bed would just open up and swallow her whole, take her to a place full of warmth rather than this cold and dreadful hell. Her skin is heated but there is a chill within her body that she simply cannot shake. It seeps into her bones, flows through her veins, and coils itself around her limbs like a snake, unwilling to let the warmth reclaim its rightful home. Her grip on the covers tightens and a shiver runs through her body, her teeth chattering uncontrollably. Only a couple more minutes go by like this before she lets out a tired sigh.

She throws the covers off her body and gets up. She quickly digs through her bag for some thick sweatpants and a hoodie that she packed just in case, then snatches up a change of underwear before heading straight to the bathroom. Before stripping of her clothes, she starts running hot water, just to make sure it’s the right temperature and not be directly hit by the first stream of water, which is always cold. She puts her hair up in a bun and ungracefully strips of her clothes, throwing them aside in a hurry, and instantly regretting it as the cold air hits her exposed skin; goosebumps erupt all over. She rubs her arms over her exposed skin and stumbles into the stream of hot water, nearly slipping and falling in the process.

When the hot water finally hits her skin she lets out a sigh of relief as she feels the warmth wrap itself around her body. Slowly, she lathers up some soap and starts scrubbing at her body, cleansing away the sweat that clings to her skin from all the activities on that particular day. Soon enough her body is clean, but she opts to stay under the hot stream of water, enjoying the soothing effect of the torrent on her back as the hot water hits her skin and battles with the chill that settled in her bones.

After nearly half an hour of just standing there and enjoying the warmth she steps out, the steam from the hot shower keeps her from freezing as she quickly dries herself and gets dressed. She turns to the mirror and wipes away the condensation but stops as soon as she catches sight of her reflection.

The girl staring right back at her doesn’t seem like her at all. She looks pale and sickly; drained of life.

She drops her hand to the counter, accidentally pushing off the piece of paper that was resting near the corner. Her gaze follows the trajectory of said paper and something piques her mind. She carefully picks it up and scans it; it’s a pamphlet.

A pamphlet for the hotel’s hot bath house and sauna. Jisoo’s eyebrows crease for a second and she sets the paper back on the counter, not giving it further thought. However, that changes as soon as she opens the bathroom door and the cool air of the room swoops in to replace the warm steam. A chill runs up her spine and Jisoo falters in her steps. She grits her teeth and soldiers on, her path taking her directly to the bed and underneath the covers.

_It’ll get warm soon_ , she tries to convince herself.

 

It doesn’t.

 

She shifts and turns under the covers, curls in on herself, and rubs at her cold limbs in an attempt to create some friction and heat, to no avail. Her thoughts cloud over and all she wants is a decent amount of warmth to surround her.

_Is that too much to ask?_

The pamphlet flashes through her mind and her eyes snap open with an idea.

Resolute in her decision, she gets back up again, praying to all the spirits that this idea will give her the outcome she has wanted all along.

She grabs a towel, sluggishly making her way out the door and to the uppermost floor. Every step she takes feels like the last, on the outside she is burning up but she feels like the inside of her body is experiencing the coldest winter day she has ever lived. She glances around, thankful that the elevator was conveniently located a short distance from what looks to be the entrance to the hot bath and sauna.

She lets out a tired sigh and makes her way inside. Immediately, she is greeted by a warm atmosphere. She fully steps inside and closes the door behind herself. On one side there is a row of lockers for the hotel visitants to store their items in before proceeding into the other room. On the other side there are a couple of changing rooms to disrobe in. She makes her way to one of those and changes as quickly as she can in her current state, taking off her clothes and wrapping herself in the towel, then stores her items in one of the lockers, fleetingly noting that all the others are empty.

She goes inside the bath room and gingerly pads across the squeaky-clean floors while barefoot. The air is thick with moisture, radiating heat and welcoming her. One look around the expansive dimly-lit room and her thoughts about being the only occupant are confirmed. Slowly, as to not slip and fall, Jisoo makes her way through the room and right up to the doors leading into the separate sauna area.

As soon as the door opens she feels the steam wrap itself around her frail limbs and guide her inside. She sits in the far corner and closes her eyes with her head resting against the wall as her body starts to better regulate her temperature.

A small sigh escapes her lips as the chill in her bones slowly dissipates. Sleep tugs at her addled mind and she falls right into its clutches, letting herself go, if only for a moment.

 

A moment becomes an hour.

 

An hour of sleeping away inside the sauna, her body sweating, expelling all the toxins, and banishing away the fever.

An hour for her body to lose the little water that had kept her going throughout the day and completely dehydrate.

Her thoughts are muddled when she wakes. Her tongue feels heavy in her mouth, unpleasantly dry, and her vision is swimming – almost as if she’s drunk.

Jisoo brings a hand up to hear forehead and presses at her temples while scrunching her eyes.

The headache is back.

She tries to take a deep breath and shakily gets up, her hands on the wall to try and keep a semblance of balance.

_I can’t stay here, I need to get back to the room._

She slowly trudges to the door, pushing it open is like trying to push a boulder in her state, but she manages, and stumbles into the room with the hot bath.

Her breath comes in shorts gasps as she tries to stabilize herself.

_Slow and steady_ , she tells herself.

Even so, she takes one wrong step and finds herself sprawling on the floor, an intense pain shooting up one of her wrists as she throws her arms out to break the fall.

_I have to get back…_

She uses the small amount of energy she has left to slowly lift herself up to her elbows but that’s as far as she gets. There’s no more strength left in her body to actually stand up again. Her tired eyes scan the room to see if there is anyone around to help but everything looks blurry and suddenly the world is fading from view. One last image flashes through her mind before she loses consciousness.

 

 

 

 

_Lisa…_

 

**

 

Panic.

 

Her brain goes into overdrive and all she feels is _panic_.

 

After going out with Chaeyoung and Lisa she had planned to spend the rest of the evening relaxing, which is why she opted to head directly to the hot bath and sauna room that the hotel offered.

But, after changing out of her clothes and stepping into the room the very first thing she saw was someone’s lifeless body sprawled out on the floor, hair covering the entirety of her face while the towel around her body was nearly undone. Jennie immediately rushed over to try and help but the last thing she expected was for this someone to be Jisoo.

 

_Her_ Jisoo.

 

Jennie’s heart painfully pounds against her chest as her brain tries to come up with solutions to all possible scenarios. She pulls the limp body into her arms and gently brushes the older girl’s hair out of her face.

“Jisoo,” her voice comes out shaky, tears already pricking at her eyes.

“Jisoo, wake up,” she lightly shakes the pale girl, not caring nor giving a second thought to the fact that they’re both completely naked under the towels wrapped around their bodies.

Jennie knows Jisoo is breathing, she can feel the breath lightly hit her own face at this distance, but she still can’t help the dread that fills her veins at the mere possibility that Jisoo won’t wake up.

“Please, please, please,” she shakes her harder, hot tears streaming down her face, “come on, I can’t lose you,” she chokes out, then, with a strained voice, “I love you.”

Jennie continues shaking her to no avail, Jisoo is completely out of it. It takes her several seconds to gather herself long enough to stand up and try to carry Jisoo. She tries, over and over, but her body is failing her when she needs it the most and she despairs because she doesn’t want to leave Jisoo alone for even a second, but she also can’t carry her anywhere to get help. Never in her life did Jennie regret not bringing her phone along as much as this moment.

Then, without care for their image or appearance – the only thing in her mind being the older girl’s well-being – she shouts for help.

It takes several tries, her voice straining so that, hopefully, anyone that walks by will hear.

Just when she is about to lose hope in that idea and move on to the next one the doors burst open. Jennie’s head snaps up in that direction and suddenly she feels like maybe, just maybe, there is a god.

 

 

“Jen-,” Lisa stops dead in her tracks at the sight, out of breath, her eyes scan the body that Jennie is cradling, and she can feel her heart stutter in her chest, “ _Jisoo_.”

Lisa closes the distance between them in an instant and kneels in front of Jennie, on the other side of the still-limp Jisoo.

“Is she okay? What’s wrong?” she looks over the smaller girl with wide eyes, searching for any signs of blood or injuries, “What happened? How did she-,”

“Lisa,” Jennie interrupts her barrage of questions, “help me get her back to your room first, then we’ll see how to proceed from there, okay?”

Lisa silently nods, her brain reeling with thoughts and questions that she has yet to get an answer for.

“I can’t carry her, can-,”

“I’ll carry her,” the younger girl says resolutely, before Jennie can even finish her sentence Lisa is already reaching out and wrapping Jisoo in her arms.

Jennie carefully transfers Jisoo from her arms to Lisa’s and watches as the younger girl slowly stands up, heading for the exit.

Lisa shifts Jisoo in her arms, getting a better grip on the smaller girl as she carries her bridal style, the brunette’s head falling into the crook of her neck.

“Wait, she’s-,” Jennie’s eyes wander to the spot where the older girl’s towel is coming undone and her protective side takes over. In the blink of an eye she unwraps her own towel from around her body and throws it on top of Jisoo to cover her up. Then, before Lisa can utter a single word, Jennie is already in front of her respective locker, changing back into her clothes and grabbing Jisoo’s items from the only other occupied locker.

“Let’s go,” she ushers the red-head out the door and follows in her steps.

 

**

 

There is a warmth wrapped around her own body – that much she can tell. She fights to open her eyes but they won’t listen to her at this point. Jisoo lets out a light huff in protest and the warmth tightens its hold on her.

_Arms…_

_A body_ , she realizes and then it clicks;

Someone’s carrying her.

Faint voices sound off from a distance but Jisoo can’t seem to make out the words or the owners of the voices themselves. She doesn’t even have enough energy to open her eyes or move a muscle, but somehow, she knows that she is safe within this embrace.

She doesn’t know how much time goes by before she starts to recognize the voices and make out the words being spoken. Suddenly, she is no longer being held against the warm body, she is being set down on what she supposes is a bed and she immediately feels the absence.

“Go get manager oppa,” she hears Jennie say, it sounds a lot closer than the muddled voices did before, “I’ll stay with her,” a warm hand slips into Jisoo’s own.

“I’ll get manager unnie instead,” Jisoo hears Lisa say but her voice sounds like it’s getting farther and farther away.

_No_ , Jisoo’s thoughts echo inside her head.

“I’m sure she’ll know what to do,” Jisoo can barely hear Lisa’s retreating steps now.

_Come back_ , she wants to say, but her tongue feels like lead in her mouth.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” she hears a door open and panic strikes her heart, because she hears the words, but she doesn’t truly process them – all she knows is that Lisa is leaving, and she doesn’t want her to. She wants her to stay and pull her closer, give her a kiss on the forehead, and promise to always be with her.

_No_.

 

_No_.

 

_No_.

 

“Don’t,” she finally manages to rasp out through dry lips.

Lisa stops, her legs bring her to the edge of the bed in a split second and she reaches out for Jisoo’s free hand as the older girl opens her eyes.

Jisoo blearily tries to blink away the haze that clouds her vision and focuses her eyes on the red-head, a small smile tugs at her lips as she feels both girls give her hands a reassuring squeeze. Jisoo holds back a wince as she feels small tingles of pain shooting up one of her hands.

“Are you okay?” Lisa scans her body once more, a frown marring her face, “Do you need anything?”

Part of Jisoo wants to laugh, the small crease between Lisa’s brows and the twinkle of worry in her eyes make her look absolutely adorable. She is about to do just that when a cough bubbles up in her throat and she immediately regrets it. Her mouth is dry, her throat no exception, especially after going an entire day with only a couple sips of water.

Jennie gives her hand a gentle squeeze then pushes at her shoulders to help her sit up as Lisa sprints to grab a water bottle and hand it over after opening it. Jisoo gratefully takes it and chugs it down to clear off the irritation in her throat, some droplets escaping just out of the corner of her lips and sliding down her neck.

Both younger girls watch with tension as Jisoo finishes half of the water bottle in one go then sets it down. Lisa soon grabs it, putting the bottle cap back on and setting it aside.

“Better?” Jennie rubs a hand over Jisoo’s back in a soothing motion, brows still furrowed with worry.

“Yes,” Jisoo clears her throat again and manages a smile.

“What happened before?” Lisa catches her attention, “Why did you pass out?”

Jisoo shakes her head, “I got a little light-headed is all.”

“Light-headed?” Jennie jumps in, “Jisoo, you _fainted_ , I found you completely out of it and you wouldn’t wake up, I thought-,” Jennie cuts herself off as Jisoo ducks her head in shame.

“I’m sorry,” Jisoo timidly tugs at one of the corners of the blanket that covers her legs, “I didn’t think I would faint afterwards and I just- I was really cold, so I went.”

Lisa hears the small break in her voice and places a comforting hand atop her covered knee, “We’re not mad, we were just worried, Jisoo… we don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Jisoo looks up, meeting Lisa’s eyes with her own tear-filled ones, “I know.”

Jisoo succeeds in holding back her tears but she looks so small, just sitting there, being reprimanded, that Lisa can’t help herself and surges forward, catching the older girl in a warm hug, “We love you, you know that, right?”

She feels Jisoo nod against her shoulder as Jennie joins in on the hug, wrapping her own arms around the other two. They stay like that until Jisoo’s tears recede and her thoughts clear out.

“Okay,” Lisa stands up, “I should still go get manager unnie, just in case.”

Jisoo’s good hand automatically reaches out to hold Lisa in place, “No,” the word leaving her lips before she can process what she’s even doing.

“No?”

Jisoo turns her pleading gaze to Jennie, silently asking her something she can’t say aloud, not in front of Lisa.

Jennie clears her throat and stands up, “I’ll go, you stay and take care of her.”

Lisa doesn’t argue, fully aware of the silent exchange, she silently sits back down and pulls Jisoo back into her arms, if only to keep her warm. However, she casts one last glance in the direction of the exit and immediately regrets it as she catches Jennie’s burning glare just before the latter closes the door.

 

 

Another crack in her heart.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Welp, there's that. I'm honestly shocked with myself, I've never updated something so often or quickly lol
> 
> Yes, Jennie is a wildly swinging pendulum of love-hate with Lisa, feelings are weird *shrugs*
> 
> All constructive criticism, wild ideas, and endgame theories are welcome in the comments! Thanks for the kudos again <3


	13. Hearth

 

 

 

 

 

Jisoo melts into Lisa’s embrace as the younger girl’s fingertips brush against her naked shoulder just so and a shiver runs up her spine.

 

It takes her but a moment to realize, and then it hits her: she has only been wearing a towel all along. Which means she would be, quite literally,  _ naked _ and fully exposed if the towel happened to come undone and slip off her body.

 

In that precise moment Lisa gives her a squeeze and backs up just enough to rub her hands over Jisoo’s bare shoulders, down to her elbows and back, a couple of times to create some friction and, by extent, heat.

 

“Are you cold?”

 

“I-,” Jisoo nods, ducking her head in an attempt to hide the blush covering her cheeks.

 

“Sorry,” Lisa immediately gets up and goes to retrieve Jisoo’s clothes from just outside of the room, returning in nothing but seconds.

 

“I didn’t even think to-,” Lisa huffs, exasperated with herself, “I wasn’t exactly thinking, I’m sorry.”

 

A small smile starts to pull at the corner of Jisoo’s lips as she looks up at Lisa through her lashes, knowing just how worried and out of sorts the taller girl can get when in the heat of the moment, “It’s okay.”

 

Lisa unfolds Jisoo’s hoodie and holds it up in front of her, not to hand it over, but to help the older girl slip into it herself. Jisoo gingerly slips her head in followed by each one of her arms and silently watches as Lisa frets over her, making sure the hoodie is on correctly and fixing her hair.

 

“Thank you,” she murmurs in a low raspy voice after Lisa seems to be done tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. What she gets in return is a gentle smile that warms her heart from within.

 

“Of course.”

 

Lisa then turns to the small pile of clothes, the tips of her ears going red at the sight of Jisoo’s bra and panties, “Um…”

 

Jisoo’s heart skips a beat at the thought of having to take the towel off and changing in front of Lisa. It’s not that they haven’t done it before – they have, countless times in fact – but this is different from all those times they changed clothes during rehearsals or performances. This time they’re completely alone and Jisoo can’t deny how nervous it makes her, but she also doesn’t want to ask her to leave.

 

“C-Can you,” she interrupts the younger girl, clearing her dry throat and reaching for the pile of clothes, “turn around?” She finishes in a small voice.

 

Lisa assents and turns away to give the girl some form of privacy, in any other case she would have simply left the room, but part of her is afraid of leaving for more than two seconds and returning to a passed out Jisoo. It’s the same part of her that is afraid of not being able to help or that Jisoo will somehow disappear from the room and she will be unable to find her.

 

Jisoo scoots closer to the edge of the bed and reaches for her panties first, carefully slips them on halfway while trying not to further aggravate her wrist, then stands up on shaky legs to pull them all the way up, pulling the towel off her body and tossing it away in the process. She then reaches for the sweatpants, sits back down on the edge of the bed to slip her legs in without toppling over, and stands back up to pull them up to her hips. She glances at the bra and doesn’t even reach for it, finding it pointless to put it on at this time, especially since she already has the hoodie on.

 

Her eyes fall on Lisa’s back, the younger girl is slightly shifting her weight from one leg to the other then back again and Jisoo knows she must still be worried, because that is one of Lisa’s tics.

 

Jisoo clears her throat again to get her attention, “I’m done.”

 

She hasn’t even finished getting the words out of her mouth when Lisa is reaching for her, firmly placing her hands on Jisoo’s waist to keep her steady just in case. Jisoo cracks a grin.

 

“Lisa, I’m not going to faint again.”

 

Lisa eyes her up and down then gives her a small frown, “You don’t know that and I’d rather not risk it.”

 

Jisoo silently nods, unable to argue and not really feeling up for the challenge anyway. The redhead gets closer and turns, wrapping one arm around the smaller girl’s waist and leading her to the kitchen.

 

“You still haven’t eaten so I brought you some food from the restaurant we went to earlier,” Lisa guides the brunette into one of the stools by the kitchen island before making her way back around to rifle through the bag and heat up the food.

 

Jisoo sluggishly leans against the counter and simply watches as the younger girl goes about preparing everything and setting the food in front of her. She takes a deep breath, inhaling the mouth-watering aroma that the food exudes and is tempted to dig right in but something stops her.

 

“What’s wrong?” Lisa asks as she watches Jisoo stop herself from reaching for the spoon and the chopsticks.

 

Jisoo bites her bottom lip and regards the food for a second before turning to Lisa, “What if-...before...I didn’t eat because it felt like I would throw up. What if I throw up afterwards?” Her face scrunches up at the thought.

 

Lisa sits down next to her and places a comforting hand on her knee, “Do you still feel like you’ll throw up?”

 

Jisoo gives it some thought then lightly shakes her head, “But what if-,”

 

“Hey,” Lisa gently grabs her chin, turning Jisoo’s face to fully face her, “if you do throw up I’ll be right here to hold back your hair and care for you, okay? But, right now I need you to eat something before your body decides it’s time to pass out again.”

 

Jisoo pouts at her.

 

She actually  _ pouts  _ and Lisa can’t hold back the fond smile that breaks over her face.

 

“Stop being a baby and eat,” she pushes the bowl of ramen closer to the smaller girl.

 

“Okay, but if I throw up it’s your fault,” the brunette weakly grumbles and turns to her food. She holds the spoon in her left hand and the chopsticks in her right, but as she maneuvers the chopsticks to grab some of the ramen a sudden jolt of pain shoots up her wrist. Jisoo winces and drops the chopsticks in the bowl.

 

Lisa looks at her in shock, “What’s wrong?”

 

Jisoo briefly contemplates not telling Lisa simply because she doesn’t want the younger girl to worry herself more than she already is, but she finds that she is unable to lie to her in that moment.

 

“My wrist,” she holds it against her chest with her left hand.

 

“Did you sprain it when you fainted?” Lisa reaches for her her right hand, turning it over to see if there are any external injuries around the brunette’s wrist and seeing some minor swelling.

 

Jisoo nods before realizing that Lisa is no longer looking at her face, “I think so.”

 

Lisa gives the smaller girl a frown and shakes her head while the latter gloomily looks at her food.

 

_ What am I going to do with you? _

 

She releases a sigh and moves her stool closer, so that it’s barely an inch away from Jisoo, then reaches for the discarded chopsticks and the spoon. She then proceeds to grab some of the ramen, being careful not to make a mess.

 

Jisoo turns to her in slight surprise at her sudden proximity, “What are you-,”

 

“Feeding you, open up,” she holds the food closer to Jisoo’s mouth.

 

“W-,” Jisoo tries to protest but is cut off when Lisa practically shoves the bite of ramen into her mouth. Jisoo takes it and starts chewing while giving Lisa something that is supposed to be a glare but completely falls flat of its intended intensity.

 

“I can feed myself,” she grumbles after swallowing the food in her mouth. She’s not upset because she doesn’t want the younger girl to feed her, but because part of her is embarrassed over how useless the pain in her wrist makes her.

 

“You’ll just hurt yourself,” Lisa grabs another small portion of ramen and brings it up to the older girl’s lips, “now, don’t be difficult and let me feed you, say  _ ah _ .”

 

Jiso wants to argue for the sake of her own dignity, she  _ does _ , but how can she possibly refuse the help of the one person she loves, especially when said redhead is being so sweet and caring? Hence, she obediently does as the younger girl says and lets Lisa feed her the rest of the ramen along with some grilled chicken skewers. Lisa stops every once in a while to gently dab a napkin at the corner of Jisoo’s lips and all the brunette can do is awkwardly shift in her seat and try to divert her eyes from the taller girl’s face.

 

“I can at least do that myself, you know?” She mumbles just loud enough for Lisa to hear after the third time of it happening, her eyes firmly focused on the countertop, “It’s not like both my wrists are hurt.”

 

Lisa lets out a breathy laugh at the adorable way Jisoo complains every chance she gets, as if  she’s not happy to be receiving help even though she  _ is _ , and continues with her ministrations.

 

“You didn’t seem to mind the first two times,” she sets down the napkin and feeds Jisoo the last piece of chicken before the latter can voice out her protest.

 

Just then, the front door abruptly opens and  Jennie walks in followed by their manager.

 

“Sorry it took so long, Sang-won unnie wanted to grab the first aid kit just in case,” Jennie says as she spots the two girls sitting in front of the kitchen counter and makes her way to Jisoo’s side.

 

“How are you?” Sang-won asks as soon as she is beside the eldest member.

 

Jisoo gives them the brightest smile she can muster in hopes of dissipating their worry, “I’m fine, really, I just needed to eat and drink something.”

 

Lisa sets down the utensils, frowning at the way Jisoo describes everything like it’s no big deal and conveniently leaves out the fact that she hurt her wrist, “Your w-,”

 

“Plus, I have Lisa to take care of me,” Jisoo interrupts and uses her good hand to take Lisa’s own, giving it a squeeze, her eyes silently pleading the younger girl to not say anything else, “right?”

 

A small crease forms between Lisa’s brows but she plays along anyway, “Right,” she leans over and wraps an arm around Jisoo’s shoulders while slightly messing up her hair, “I’ll take care of this ditz.”

 

Jennie looks between them dubiously, trying to figure out if either of the girls is lying about anything, but all that she sees is a lovestruck Jisoo while Lisa tries to take on the role of her protector.

 

A sting of jealousy flashes through her thoughts and she averts her gaze.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Jisoo?” Sang-won speaks up, worriedly inspecting Jisoo from top to bottom with her eyes alone.

 

Jisoo gives her a bright smile and a thumbs up with her left hand, “Way better now that I had some chicken,” she jabs her thumb over at the empty food containers.

 

Sang-won simply laughs and shakes her head, finding nothing out of the ordinary about Jisoo’s actions or demeanor.

 

“Alright, then I suppose I’m no longer needed here,” she half turns to leave, “just give me a shout if anything else happens or you feel unwell though, okay?” she takes a second to meet their eyes one by one.

 

“Definitely, thank you, unnie,” Jisoo grins.

 

“Actually, unnie,” Lisa steps forward, her arm dropping form around Jisoo’s shoulder, “can you leave the first aid kit, you know, just in case?”

 

“Sure, I hope you don’t actually have to use it,” she walks back over and hands Lisa the kit before returning to the door and waving them goodbye, “take care, girls. Oh, and remember the schedule for tomorrow.”

 

“We will, unnie, good night,” Lisa obediently nods with a smile.

 

Jennie awkwardly shifts in her spot for a second before stepping towards Jisoo, who looks at her wide-eyed as the younger girl gets closer than she expects. Jennie abruptly gives her a hug, pulling the older girl tightly against her body, if only to make sure she is still there; safe and sound.

 

“I’m glad you’re better now,” she whispers into the latters ear and places a fleeting kiss on her forehead as she pulls away, “don’t scare us like that again, okay?”

 

Jisoo gives her a warm smile, “Okay, Jendeuk.”

 

Jennie grins, satisfied with her answer, as she pulls further away her hands slide down Jisoo’s arms and, in a comforting gesture, Jennie gives her hands a squeeze. Jennie misses Jisoo’s wince as she turns away and bids them both a good night before exiting the room, her eyes casting one last lingering look on the tall redhead.

 

As soon as the door closes Lisa is at Jisoo’s side with a frown on her face, “Are you okay?” she gently takes Jisoo’s hand in her own, “You realize this wouldn’t happen if you just told the truth, right?”

 

Jisoo huffs and pouts, “I know, but they’ll just needlessly worry and make it out to be this big thing.”

 

Lisa sighs.

 

_ Leave it to Jisoo to try and hide her pain just so she doesn’t worry others. _

 

She opens up the first aid kit after setting it on the counter and rifles through it for a second before she finds exactly what she needs; bandages and a soothing balm for Jisoo’s wrist. Soon enough she turns to the brunette with a serious face that the older girl can’t read past.

 

_ Is she mad at me now? _ Jisoo thinks.

 

“Give me your hand,” Lisa demands and Jisoo silently complies, not wanting to make the taller girl more upset than she already seems to be. She watches, quietly, as Lisa rubs the balm all around her wrist and starts wrapping the bandage over it, careful not to jostle her or be too abrupt in her movements.

 

“There,” the younger girl says after finishing, “that should soothe the pain over time and restrict your movements a bit so you don’t end up hurting it even more.”

 

_ Why won’t you smile at me now, Lisa? _

 

“Thanks,” Jisoo mumbles, her voice rough, while looking at a fixed spot just to the left of Lisa’s face. Lisa hums and digs through the first aid kit once more before closing it and clearing up the countertop. Soon enough she reappears in front of Jisoo with two small tablets in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

 

“What’s this?”

 

“For your throat,” she explains simply before handing Jisoo the pills and setting the glass in front of her.

 

Jisoo swallows the pills and chases them down with water, she then sets the empty glass back on the counter and blankly stares at it for a moment.

 

“Are you going to bed now?”

 

The brunette snaps out of her thoughts and focuses on Lisa, “I- um, no, I think I’ll stay up for a bit longer.”

 

Lisa gives her another frown and crosses her arms over her chest, “Aren’t you tired?”

 

“I am but,” she racks her brain for a plausible excuse other than _ I want to mope over the fact that you’re mad at me _ , “I just ate, so I’ll wait a while, I’d rather not get indigestion on top of everything.”

 

Lisa silently nods without even looking at her. Jisoo gets up from the stool and sluggishly makes her way over to plop down on the couch, turning on the TV to use whatever movie is on as background noise.

 

Not one minute goes by when she sees Lisa turn off the kitchen lights out of the corner of her eyes and disappear into the bedroom.

 

Jisoo sighs and slouches, sinking further into the couch. She rests her head on the cushion just behind her and closes her eyes if only for a second. Sleep comes easy, it takes her body without warning and she can’t help but give in.

 

She doesn’t notice when Lisa comes back out of the room a couple of minutes later, blankets and pillow in hand, to keep her company. The younger girl releases a soft breath and sets the items down just beside the smaller girl.

 

“Jisoo,” she lightly nudges the older girl and gets no response other than Jisoo slightly turning her head towards her while asleep, a few strands of hair falling on her peaceful face.

 

A small smile tugs at Lisa’s lips and she gently tucks the stray strands of hair behind the girl’s ear, her fingers softly running down the length of her dark hair in a caress. She turns off the TV and returns the blankets and pillow to their rightful place before going back for Jisoo. Carefully, she slips one arm under Jisoo’s legs and the other behind her back, just under her arms, and lifts her up in a bridal carry. Jisoo releases a soft groan into the crook of her neck and unconsciously wraps her arms around the taller girl.

 

“Lisa?” She mumbles while in her sleep addled state.

 

“Hm?”

 

“I thought you were mad?”

 

Lisa barely catches the muttered words but she understands nonetheless. She holds the older girl closer and starts walking towards the bedroom, “Why would I be?”

 

“I dunno,” Jisoo half nuzzles into her neck, enjoying the warmth of her arms, and starts to drift off again.

 

“I’m not mad,” Lisa says in a soft voice as she pushes the door open with her foot.

 

Jisoo hums into her neck, a lowly mumbled  _ thank you _ , soon following.

 

Once inside the room Lisa gently sets Jisoo down on the bed before taking off her shoes and tucking her under the covers. Then, although Jisoo, in her drowsy state, fully expects her to leave for her own bed, Lisa slips in beside her and wraps her in her arms again. Lisa can clearly see the way Jisoo’s eyes flutter open and widen in surprise at the presence before her.

 

“You’ll stay?” she whispers into the near darkness.

 

“Of course,” Lisa runs a thumbs over Jisoo’s cheek and lazily threads her fingers through the latter’s dark locks. Jisoo closes her eyes again, a warmth filling her chest.

 

“Hey,” Lisa calls her attention after a few seconds. The smaller girl’s eyes flutter open once more and meet her gaze under the moonlight.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick earlier?”

 

There’s a long pause before the whispered words come out of Jisoo’s mouth, “I didn’t want to worry you.”

 

Lisa stops her ministrations for a second and gently rests her hand on the side of Jisoo’s neck, just under her ear, her thumb rubbing small circles on the soft skin there.

 

“I worry more when you don’t say anything.”

 

Jisoo hums, Lisa’s soft touches and attention lulling her into slumber.

 

“Jisoo,” Lisa cups her cheek and catches her attention once more before the older girl fully gives into the clutches of sleep.

 

“Hm?” The smaller girl looks at her with sleep-laden eyes that still manage to present one of the love-filled gazes that Lisa has grown so fond of, and the the younger girl swears she feels the dreaded fluttering in the pit of her stomach.

 

“Promise,” Lisa pauses for a second to convey just how serious she is about the matter, but Jisoo is already looking back at her like she is willing to give up the entire world just for her, “to always tell me when something is wrong.”

 

A sleepy smile spreads over Jisoo’s lips as she shuffles forward and buries herself in Lisa’s embrace with a whispered, “I promise.”

  
  


**

  
  


The next day she wakes up feeling much better compared to the one previous. Jisoo doesn’t dare complain about the warm body that is spooning her own early on in the morning. She also doesn’t pout or huff and complain when Lisa insists on assisting her in things that she can clearly do herself, because she  _ does  _ have at least one hand that is in perfect working condition.

 

She lets Lisa cater to her and marvels at the way the younger girl is so particularly gentle with her every action.

 

_ She’s just being nice _ , she tries to convince herself.

 

_ It’s what best friends do. _

 

Later, just before leaving their shared hotel room and heading out for an event, Jisoo insists on taking off the bandages as to not raise suspicions and worry anyone else. Lisa relents after much whining, pouting, and promises to be careful on the elder’s part.

 

Soon enough, the younger girl finishes up unwrapping the bandages from the latter’s wrist. She sets them aside and gently runs her thumb over the small lines they leave behind from being there overnight. Jisoo quietly watches as Lisa’s eyes roam over the lines on her wrist, unsure of what the younger girl finds so fascinating. Then, suddenly, Lisa pulls her arm closer and places a soft kiss on the inside of her wrist. Jisoo feels her skin tingle and her heart do somersaults inside her chest.

 

“Try not to aggravate it any more, okay?” Lisa asks as she pulls away and gives her a steady look.

 

The smaller girl lets out a breathless, “Okay,” before removing her hand from Lisa’s gentle grip. She walks away, firmly focusing her thoughts on anything and everything that is absolutely  _ not  _ the way Lisa’s soft lips feel against her skin.

  
  


Or, at least she tries.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: That was so fluffy I think my dark soul died several times while writing it. Don't worry, there is plenty angst and drama to come later~ ;)
> 
> Now, give me those comments!


	14. Contact

 

 

 

 

 

It’s so easy, the way they fall into a rhythm.

 

After the incident of Jisoo getting sick and fainting, Lisa completely refuses to leave her alone if she can help it. Jisoo never mentions it, but Lisa knows it’s because the older girl overextended herself by trying to attend all of Lisa’s activities and practice sessions on top of her own.

 

No matter how many times Jisoo tries to tell her off and wave away her worry Lisa finds her own eyes almost unconsciously trailing after the smaller girl like a pair of magnets.

 

Lisa is careful, unlike Jisoo who only managed to get herself sick, but she finds herself trying to attend all of Jisoo’s solo schedules, if only to return the favor.

 

She ignores the small voice in the back of her head, the one that says she attends all those schedules because she craves the smaller girl’s presence.

 

She is far more focused on the thoughts of Jennie and her odd actions -- the weird looks the brunette shoots her way when she is latched onto Jisoo. She knows Jennie must be jealous because, how couldn’t she be? But, sometimes she can’t tell if that jealousy is directed at her or Jisoo herself. It’s confusing, the way Jennie plays push and pull -- the way she tells Lisa she wants her best friend back then goes and looks at her like she is her arch nemesis.

 

She tries to push the negative thoughts away and focus on the way Jisoo smiles at her, bright and unashamed, day in and day out.

 

Being around her,  _ with  _ her, it’s so easy -- almost second nature.

 

_ Because we’re close friends _ , she tells herself.

  
  


She is pulled out of her thoughts as a roar of applause erupts around her and a familiar song starts playing through the speakers. Her eyes immediately find the small figure of Jisoo walking off the stage and down the stairs, getting lost behind the large crowd of idols that do the same. Lisa gets up and goes in the same direction, not really caring for the group that stays to thank the crowd and start singing their encore, nor the accompanying manager that she leaves behind in her wake.

 

Her steps are quick and hurried, weaving her way through the various staff and artists in the hallways. She spots the familiar back of the small brunette just up ahead, when the latter stops to bow and chat with some members of Gfriend. A smile tugs at her lips as she hastens her stride and swoops forward, catching the older girl off guard. She wraps Jisoo in a bear hug and slightly lifts her to swing her around once, the older girl letting out a surprised shriek.

 

“Guess who?” She breathes into the smaller girl’s ear after setting her down, still facing away from her.

 

Without turning, Jisoo smacks one of the arms around her waist and lets out a half suppressed laugh, “Lisa, don’t be rude,” she motions towards the two girls in front of her.

 

“Ah, sorry,” Lisa steps back away from Jisoo to bow after realizing that a smiling Umji and SinB are still standing in front of them, “hi.”

 

The two girls merely laugh at Lisa’s antics and are sent off with a wave and smile after some quick pleasantries. As soon as they are out of earshot Jisoo turns to Lisa, smacking her arm once more, a half hearted glare painted on her face, “You scared me, you idiot.”

 

Lisa playfully returns the smack before wrapping her arm around Jisoo’s shoulders, walking with her back to the dressing room,  “You knew it was me.”

 

“Not for the first split second, I didn’t,” Jisoo huffs.

 

“Then,” Lisa stops mid stride, “what gave me away before I spoke?”

 

_ The sweet smell that encompasses your entire being… _

 

_ The warmth that your body radiates and wraps itself around me… _

 

_ The tingles that shoot up my spine when I’m in your presence… _

 

“It was just obvious,” Jisoo concludes.

 

“How so?” Lisa gives her a curious look.

 

“You’re the only one that dares to pick me up and swing me around like that,” she finishes. It’s not a lie, not even Chaeyoung nor Jennie have ever tried to pick her up and toss her around like Lisa does.

 

Lisa cracks a grin at that and strikes a pose, not unlike the way bodybuilders do when they want to show off their muscular biceps.

 

Jisoo laughs and smacks her again, more than amused by Lisa’s silly display,  “Stop that, let’s go,” she tugs at the younger girl’s arm and they continues on their way to the dressing room, “I can’t wait to get back home, today was exhausting.”

 

“Ah, I think you’re just getting old Jisoo-ya,” Lisa teases, garnering a glare from the smaller girl.

 

“That’s Jisoo unnie to  _ you _ ,” she points out, although not fully meaning it, then steps behind a screen divider to change back into more comfortable clothes.

 

“How can I call you Jisoo unnie when you’re so much shorter than me?” Lisa asks from just behind the divider.

 

“How does that even make sense?” Jisoo laughs while changing her top, “My height has  _ nothing  _ to do with my seniority over you,” she blindly tosses the discarded top in Lisa’s direction and unknowingly hits her right in the face.

 

Lisa takes one step back in surprise and removes the top from over her head, but not before getting a whiff of the older girl’s intoxicating smell and unsettling herself with the odd thoughts that flood her mind.

 

She shakes it off, neatly turning the frilly top so it isn’t inside out and putting it on a hanger on a nearby rack.

 

“First of all, ouch,” she takes a second to fix her ruffled bangs, “second of all, you already gave me the exclusive right to  _ not  _ call you that and it’s too late to take it back.”

 

Jisoo finally manages to slip on a comfortable pair of  shorts and steps out from behind the divisor with the skirt in her hands, “When exactly did that happen?” She pretends not to recall, although she knows exactly what Lisa is talking about.

 

“Years ago,  _ unnie _ ,” Lisa enunciates and gives her a mocking look.

 

“Hm,” Jisoo rights the skirt and hangs it next to the top on the rack, “I don’t recall.”

 

The playful glint in her eyes gives her away and Lisa huffs in pretend annoyance before a grin takes over her face at the same time as Jisoo’s facade cracks. Lisa steps forward and ruffles her hair, as if the older girl is a little kid, then hands over the latter’s shoes.

 

“It’s okay, I’ll be here to take care of my little MC Chu no matter how old and forgetful you get.”

 

_ She said “my,” _ a small voice inside Jisoo’s head swoons.

 

The smaller girl scoffs and swats Lisa’s hand away, “Little?”

 

Lisa hums and watches as Jisoo finds a chair to sit in and starts to put on her shoes, “Unless you prefer to be called mini or fun-sized, which,” she taps her chin in thought, “you  _ are  _ pretty fun-sized, especially considering how easy it is to pick you u-,”

 

“Shut up!” Jisoo takes off the second heel and throws it Lisa’s way, only for it to be caught mid air.

 

“Fun-sized and aggressive,” Lisa mumbles just loud enough for the older girl to hear, secretly enjoying every single reaction she gets from the brunette.

 

“Hey, girls,” Sang-won opens the door and pokes her head inside, “almost done yet?”

 

“Yes!” Jisoo jumps up from her spot after slipping on both her vans and quickly gathers her items before making her way out the door with Lisa and the manager.

 

Out of habit, Jisoo leans into Lisa as they walk side by side, her arm hooked around Lisa’s as they step out of the building.

 

They instantly hear the crowd of Blinks cheer and start waving their banners and offer up their gift bags. It’s still daylight so there are no flashes, but even from this distance Jisoo can hear the telltale sign of dozens of camera shutters going off all at once. She smiles and waves with her free hand, beside her Lisa does the same.

 

“Jisoo unnie, I love you!” A little girl screams from the very front of the crowd.

 

“Lisa unnie, I love you!” Another little girl, this one seeming to be her twin, screams right next to the first one.

 

Jisoo squeezes Lisa’s arm, a large smile on her face.

 

“Can we get your autograph?” The first little girl shouts over the cacophony of people and waves around a slogan.

 

Both Jisoo and Lisa chance a look at Sang-won, who gives them a quick nod, before merrily stepping forth.

 

“Hi,” Jisoo says as she takes the marker and cheer slogan that the first little girl offers her, “what’s your name?”

 

“Hyelim!” The girl gives her a toothy grin.

 

“Nice to meet you, Hyelim, please keep supporting us,” she smiles, handing back the slogan and marker after signing and writing a short message.

 

“I will, unnie!”

 

“Jisoo unnie,” the other little girl calls her attention after getting her marker and slogan back from Lisa, “can you please sign mine too?”

 

“Of course,” Jisoo gives the girl one of her brightest eye smiles and takes the offered items, “and, what’s your name?”   
  


“M-my- it’s Yoobin,” the little girl blushes and looks down at her feet, all a result of Jisoo’s blinding smile.

 

“Lisa unnie, can I have yours too?” Jisoo hears Hyelim ask Lisa just off to her side and the redhead instantly agree.

 

“Alright, Yoobin, here you go,” Jisoo hands the little girl back her items and offers Lisa her hand as the taller girl also finishes signing.

 

They step back a little and wave at the fans as they make their way to the van.

 

“Lisa unnie!” One particularly loud screech reaches their ears and they both turn in slight surprise, spotting a teenage boy waving wildly from the very front of the crowd.

 

“Will you marry me?” The boy rowdily shouts over the rest of the crowd.

 

Jisoo isn’t sure what exactly overcomes her, but suddenly she feels defensive and overprotective. Her arm reaches out to wrap around the taller girl’s waist and pull her closer. The words are out of her lips before she even has a chance to think it through.

 

“No! She’s mine,” she shouts back at the teenager and sticks out her tongue.

 

She feels Lisa shrug next to her, but doesn’t dare turn her head to look at the younger girl, too embarrassed to see her reaction.

 

She completely misses the blush that makes its home high on Lisa’s cheeks during the rest of their walk to the van and through most of the ride back to the dorm.

  
  


**

 

**Wendy** **♥**

**I miss you so much. Are you free? Want to grab something to eat with me later?**

  
  


Chaeyoung types out a quick reply.

 

**_I’m free! A date?_ **

  
  


**Wendy** **♥**

**A date :)**

  
  


Chaeyoung releases a squeal and starts doing a little dance in her room before shooting back another reply.

 

**_Definitely yes!_ **

 

They text back and forth a couple more times to agree on a time and place before Chaeyoung starts rummaging through her closet for something to wear.

 

_ Something pretty _ , she thinks as she digs through her closet, flipping through all her favorite dresses and finally settling on one; a simple off shoulder red dress with small embroidered flower details.

 

She quickly puts it on and spends the next twenty minutes doing her hair and makeup, opting for a more natural look, but with just enough glam to have Wendy drooling.

 

Convincing one of the managers to drive her to the meetup place is a piece of cake, as per usual -- they all seem to have a particularly soft spot for her and her innocent angel face.

 

The ride to the coffee shop is quick and the wait for Wendy even more so. She picks a corner booth, near the window, but with just enough privacy so any casually passing fans wouldn’t notice unless they stopped and stared.

 

“Hey,” the shorter girl carefully approaches the table.

 

Chaeyoung snaps out of her current train of thoughts and sets down the menu, giving the shorter girl a quick once over, a smirk pulling at the corner of her lips, “Hey, yourse-,”

 

“Chaeyoung-ah,” Joy practically skips into the place and gives Chaeyoung a bear hug, the latter releasing a small squeal that attracts the attention of all the nearby customers.

 

“S- Sooyoung unnie,” Chaeyoung manages to mumble into the latter’s shoulder, “hey,” her eyes stray past the girl hugging her to an awkwardly shifting Wendy.

 

“Sorry,” Wendy silently mouths and takes a seat across from her. Joy beams even brighter and slides into the seat right next to her, completely oblivious to the exchanged looks between the couple.

 

“It’s been so long since I last saw you, so I convinced Wendy unnie to bring me along when she said where she was going.”

 

“I didn’t just say where I was going, you practically tortured me to tell you,” Wendy mutters while poking at one of the small sugar packets placed in a tray on the table.

 

“Oh, come on, it was just some tickles, you didn’t die or anything,” Joy rolls her eyes and flips her hair, “so dramatic.”

 

Chaeyoung is upset over their proposed date being ruined, however, she can’t help but giggle at the contrasting sight of a pouting Wendy and an aloof Joy in front of her.

 

“I missed you too, unnie,” she says offhandedly in reply to Joy’s comment and completely misses the way Wendy deflates in her seat.

 

“Good! Otherwise what was the point of me tagging along?” Joy leans into Chaeyoung’s side, their faces mere inches apart, “And, hey, what did I say about just using my first name?”

 

“A- Ahm, yea, sorry,” Chaeyoung nods, her cheeks heating up at the other girl’s proximity, “Sooyoung-ah.”

 

Wendy clears her throat to break up whatever weird tension is building between the two, jealousy bubbling up and threatening to spill over. Luckily for her, the waiter also chooses that very moment to stop by and take their orders.

 

“What can I get for y-you today?” He asks while trying to fully focus on his notepad rather than the three beautiful ladies in front of him. He then quickly writes down each one of their orders and practically flees after a polite bow.

 

“Thank y-,” Joy stops mid sentence, realizing that the waiter is long gone, “oh... well then,” she turns to the girl at her side with a small pout.

 

“Don’t pout,” Chaeyoung smiles, placing a comforting hand on her arm and giving it a squeeze, “he’s probably just shy because you’re so pretty.”

 

“Yes,” Wendy leans forward and rests her crossed arms on the table, a small -- almost unnoticeable -- crease between her brows, “because you’re so pretty,” she eyes the spot where Chaeyoung’s hand rests on Joy’s arm.

 

It isn’t until forty minutes later, when their respective drinks are almost empty, that Chaeyoung notices the gloomy and spaced out look on her girlfriend’s face. She is only partially listening to Joy, most of her concentration focused on stretching her legs under the table and discreetly wrapping them around Wendy’s.

 

The look of appreciation and the adorable smile she gets in return is more than worth it.

  
  


**

  
  


The ride to the dorm isn’t exactly quick, but at least they don’t get stuck in traffic for an hour like the previous time. It takes just long enough for the blush on Lisa’s cheeks to go away and the younger girl to get back into a headspace where she is  _ not  _ shy around Jisoo, unlike the first several long minutes.

 

Her confidence is fully returned when they finally exit the van. She casually wraps her arm around Jisoo’s shoulders again as they make their way into the elevator and up to their respective floor. They arrive at their door and stop for a moment, Jisoo digging a hand into her bag and searching for her keys.

 

“I didn’t tell you before, but,” Lisa glances at the small brunette at her side to confirm that she has her full attention, “you did well.”

 

Jisoo tries to refrain from looking like a happy lovesick puppy in front of the taller but fails to maintain her poker face when she turns to look at the latter, “Yeah?”

 

Lisa gives her an encouraging smile, “Really.”

 

Jisoo cocks her head to the side for a second, “How well?”

 

“Incredibly well,” Lisa gives her a squeeze, nudging the shorter girl’s head with her own, “so well that you deserve a kiss of congratulations.”

 

Jisoo fake groans in protest and slumps as Lisa holds her in place and places several kisses just on the side of her forehead then continues littering countless more on her cheek.

 

“Agh, Lalisa,” Jisoo whines while opening the door and simultaneously trying to pry the younger girl off herself to keep a semblance of neutrality.

 

When Lisa finally stops Jisoo turns to her, fully intending on giving the younger girl a piece of her mind but then…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Then  _ she finds the redhead’s lips on her own and her thoughts go flying out the window.

  
  
  


She can’t think straight, she can’t move, it feels like a hundred million butterflies have been released within her, and she can’t even  _ breathe _ .

 

Not because she doesn’t want this, it’s quite the opposite, really.

 

She closes her eyes and finds herself entranced with the soft press of the taller girl’s lips against her own, they’re so warm and supple -- Jisoo can’t even find it in herself to move her lips against the latter, her brain in a state of shock -- but she can still  _ feel  _ her.

 

It takes her a couple of seconds and shortness of breath to realize that she has to take control and pull away because Lisa is fully frozen in place -- in her own state of shock.

 

Jisoo gently cradles Lisa’s face with her hands and pushes her back, separating their lips, and sucking in a deep breath.

 

“Li- Lisa,” her eyes search the redhead’s for an answer.

 

The younger girl’s eyes get impossibly wider and drop down to stare at her pink lips, her hand unconsciously coming up to trace Jisoo’s bottom lip, a tumult of emotions swimming deep within her brown eyes.

 

“I-,” Lisa meets her gaze for a split second, her face flushed, “I’m sorry,” she turns and pushes through the recently unlocked door, disappearing through the hall and into her bedroom in scant seconds.

 

Jisoo stares after her, more confused than ever.

 

She brings a hand up, her fingers just barely touching her own lips.

  
  
  


_ Lisa, you… _

  
  
  


_ You  _ kissed  _ me. _

  
  
  


The corner of her lips slowly turn up into a pleased smile.

  
  
  


Inside -- breathlessly leaning against her locked bedroom door -- the redhead squeezes her eyes shut, one of her hands balling up into a fist around the fabric of her shirt, just over her wildly beating heart.

  
  
  
  


_ My first kiss. _

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Jennie is noticeably absent from this chapter, I know. Also, seems like Lisoo is right on track now, huh? Well... ;)
> 
> Feel free to comment and scream at me for being a tease. Kudos/votes are also appreciated, thanks~ (unless you don't like the story, in which case, why are you still reading? lol)


	15. Emergence

 

 

 

 

Lisa can’t believe it.

 

She can’t seem to wrap her head around the fact that she gave her first kiss to Jisoo, just like that.

 

She can’t even find it in herself to blame the older girl, because it was her own doing in the first place.

 

Lisa can’t blame Jisoo at all, really, and she doesn’t actually want to anyway. After running away and hiding in her room she fully expects regret to hit her like a ton of bricks. She stands there, heavily leaning against the locked door, and waits.

 

With her eyes closed she can clearly replay the scene all over again, she can even feel the ghost of Jisoo’s lips still pressed to her own.

 

She stands there in silence and the minutes tick by.

 

Slowly, her agitated breaths return to normal and her blown pupils constrict back to their regular size.

 

Regret doesn’t hit her, it doesn’t so much as brush anywhere near her. In fact, if she’s being honest with herself, she’s kind of glad that it was Jisoo. Especially if the swarm of butterflies in her stomach and her unsteadily beating heart are anything to go by.

 

She scrunches her eyes and rakes her free hand through her hair

 

_Jisoo..._

 

_What am I going to do?_

 

The answer eludes her for several days.

 

The first time she sees Jisoo again she realizes that her mind practically takes a trip when the smaller girl appears in front of her; all shy smiles and sparkling eyes. Not only that, but her body seems to have a consciousness of its own with the way it starts to react to Jisoo’s presence. She can’t possibly suppress the elevated beating of her heart and the shortness of breath nor the constant shifting and fidgeting that accompany her nerves. It’s utterly unsettling how incredibly _aware_ she becomes of Jisoo’s every move -- her fleeting touches and longing looks set Lisa ablaze and drag her deeper into the pool of confusion that floods her heart.

 

Jisoo notices.

 

Of course she notices.

 

Lisa gives herself away far too easily when she shifts away every time Jisoo gets closer.

 

It hurts her when the younger girl breaks their eye contact and pretends to be absorbed by the next nearest thing.

 

It hurts much more when Jisoo reaches for the redhead’s hand and Lisa pulls away like she has been burned.

 

Jisoo loses count of the amount of times that she tries to start a conversation only to have Lisa space out while mindlessly playing with her own hair or a loose thread and avoiding Jisoo’s gaze altogether.

 

It pains her so and the the fleeting hope that started to build within her chest, when Lisa kissed her only days prior, slowly starts to crumble in on itself.

 

It isn’t until Lisa notices the absence of the older girl’s fleeting touches that it really hits her.

 

She gets it, now, the reason that she rejoices every time she catches the brunette looking at her across the room -- with those dark brown eyes that threaten to absorb her.

 

It’s the same reason that she wishes Jisoo would never stop looking at her like that.

 

It’s the very same reason that her heart, the one that is supposed to belong solely to Jennie, flutters and skips a beat when Jisoo smiles at her -- Lisa swears she lights up the entire room.

  


_Kim Jisoo…_

 

_I like you._

 

_I really like you._

  


It’s something that has been a long time coming, she knows this, but the full realization hits her so hard and so suddenly that she completely forgets herself and her surroundings.

 

Without noticing, she nearly topples over a small figure while on her way to her bedroom. Their bodies are a mess of flailing limbs for a second before Lisa manages to find her own balance and steady the other girl.

 

_Jisoo._

 

Memories of the kiss are instantly brought to the forefront of her mind and she can’t seem to process much else. Other than the fact that she wants to apologize for ruining their first kiss like she did, of course. She mentally facepalms and cringes over the thought of having ruined it for the both of them.

 

“Are you okay?” Jisoo’s voice pulls her out of her train of thoughts.

 

Their eyes meet when the younger girl finally looks up again and Jisoo can feel the familiar fluttering of her own heart.

 

Lisa lightly tugs at the ends of her oversized shirt, twisting her fingers around the fabric, “C-Can we talk?” she manages to mumble past her nerves.

 

Jisoo frowns and inches forward with worry, her hand settling on the younger girl’s arm, “What is it?”

 

“Uh, it’s- um...about...the kiss, I-,”

 

An unreadable expression settles on the older girl’s face.

 

“It’s okay,” Jisoo jumps in to interrupt her, “I know it was an accident and you didn’t mean to.”

 

It _was_ an accident and Lisa really didn’t mean to.

 

But…

 

She liked it, undeniably so.

 

However, she can’t seem to get the words out of her mouth fast enough and Jisoo is already jumping to her own conclusions.

 

“I’m-,”

 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Jisoo lightly shakes her head and grabs at Lisa’s fidgeting hands to give them a comforting squeeze.

 

“But, Ji-,”

 

On impulse, the older girl leans forward and places a friendly kiss on Lisa’s cheek, “We’re okay,” she pulls away and gives Lisa a soft look -- one that she hopes placates the younger girl’s nerves.

 

_We’re okay_ , Jisoo repeats inside her own head.

 

She pushes the small flicker of _something_ away and shoves it to the back of her mind, unable and unwilling to give herself any more false hope.

 

_I won’t ruin our friendship over this, not now._

 

_Not ever._

 

Lisa stares at her for an instant, confused. She had expected Jisoo to kiss her lips when she leaned forward -- she was anticipating it, even -- but Jisoo only kissed her cheek. She warily eyes the older girl for a moment, just barely catching the quick glance that Jisoo chances at her lips.

 

Lisa unclasps one of her hands from Jisoo’s hold and carefully cups the older girl’s cheek, “Of course we’re okay,” she starts to lean in, this time fully intending for their lips to meet, only to be pulled into a hug instead.

 

The brunette buries her face into the crook of Lisa’s neck in an attempt to stop her racing thoughts. In any other moment she could probably take a kiss on the cheek from Lisa and play it off, but not now. Not when every single scene being conjured up by her imagination involves her and the taller girl kissing until their lips are bruised and their lungs scream for air.

 

Certainly, and most definitely, _not now --_ because she knows, in the depths of her heart, that if Lisa leaned in any further, and so much as brushed her lips against her cheek, she would be unable to control herself.

 

So, she tightly wraps her arms around Lisa’s waist while hiding her flustered face in the crook of the redhead’s neck, her mind fighting to rid itself of every improper thought.

 

Not once does the possibility of Lisa actually _wanting_ to kiss her lips and be kissed by her actually cross her mind.

 

Slowly, Lisa responds to Jisoo’s sudden hug, long arms wrapping themselves around the smaller girl’s body and pulling her closer still. Jisoo tries to ignore the feeling of elation that rises from within when she realizes how perfectly their bodies fit together like this. She can feel her resolve slipping when the younger girl turns to nuzzle into her hair, hot breath sending tingles down her spine.

 

“I just realized,” Lisa speaks up after what seems like an eternity in each other’s arms, “I never thanked you,” she breathes right next to Jisoo’s ear, the older girl barely manages not to shiver and suppresses the urge to kiss her.

 

“For what?” Jisoo scrunches her eyes and tries to focus on anything other than the girl wrapped around her; the girl who carved out her own spot within Jisoo’s heart over the years and made a home to settle in.

 

“The snowglobe...the note,” Lisa slightly pulls back, just enough to look the older girl in the eyes, her hand pushing a stray strand of hair behind Jisoo’s ear, “for just...being there for me every single time.”

 

Jisoo can’t take it, she breaks eyes contact, ducking her head to avoid looking straight at the younger girl. The surge of emotions running through her body makes her unsteady once more and she can already feel the tears building up in her eyes.

 

Lisa uses a hand to gently lift Jisoo’s chin and catch her wandering gaze, a soft look set in her eyes, “Thank you.”

 

Jisoo is left breathless with the way Lisa looks at her in that moment, it makes her feel wanted and appreciated.

 

It makes her feel _loved_.

 

_She doesn’t love me, not like that,_ she tries to tell herself for the millionth time.

 

A small crease starts to form between Lisa’s brows when she notices the tears building up in the older girl’s eyes, “Don’t cry,” she gently swipes a thumb just under Jisoo’s eyes, catching the first tear before it even starts its path down the latter’s cheek. Jisoo closes her eyes for a second, if only to revel in the touch of the younger girl and keep the tears of bittersweet happiness at bay. When she opens them, the tears have receded and there is a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, “I won’t.”

 

“Good,” Lisa cups Jisoo’s cheek then leans forward so their foreheads are pressed together and lowers her voice for the next statement, “I don’t like it when you’re sad.”

 

The sincerity of the younger girl’s words seeps through Jisoo’s pores and she finds herself on another emotional high, ready to break and spill every truth in her soul; the only truth that really matters.

 

“Lisa,” Jisoo’s breath hitches, the proximity of the younger girl affecting her much more than she thought possible.

 

“Yeah?” Lisa’s hot breath brushes over her lips and she has to fight the impulse to stare at the full taunting lips in front of her -- the impulse to lean forward and taste her again.

 

“I,” she stops to gather her courage before going any further.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“I’ll always be here for you,” she breathes. It’s not what she initially intended to say, the words _I love you_ still caught in her throat, unable to make it past her lips or through her mental filter. Because, the love she feels for Lisa goes far beyond the love she feels for a best friend, and saying those three words in this very moment feels a whole lot like lying when she knows Lisa won’t understand the true meaning behind them.

 

Lisa silently lets it sink in -- for a moment there she thought Jisoo would say something else -- she searches the brunette’s eyes for any sign of a lie and finds none. However, what she does find reflected in the deep brown eyes of the older girl is nothing but love and conviction -- it warms her heart beyond belief.

 

“I know,” Lisa presses her body closer to the smaller girl before closing her eyes, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

 

In that same moment, Jisoo’s heart leaps into her throat as she realizes that Lisa blatantly stares at her lips before leaning forward and--

  
  
  
  
  


The loud echo of a door slamming closed has them both jumping back and breaking apart in a rush of panic.

 

Out of the corner of her eye Lisa sees a small brunette silently slipping into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and, just as silently, slip back into her room.

 

She’s suddenly out of sorts. Her heart beats so loudly in her chest that she is almost certain Jisoo can hear it from her spot five feet away.

 

Her thoughts flood with the one and only…

 

_Jennie_.

 

It’s odd, she thinks, how at the mere sight of the cat-eyed brunette she is sent spiraling into a pit of uncertainty. She stands there for a moment, almost completely forgetting exactly what she was about to do before Jennie walked in.

 

Thoughts of kissing Jisoo get pushed to the very back of her mind and are quickly replaced by those of the elusive brunette.

 

_Jennie._

 

_Jennie._

 

_Jennie._

 

Jisoo silently steps closer and Lisa unconsciously retreats, guilt and confusion creeping up and coiling themselves around her very being.

 

She can’t think clearly, much less act accordingly or go on with her original intentions.

 

Her breath catches in her throat as Jisoo silently reaches out to her, hand sliding down Lisa’s arm and wrapping itself around the younger girl’s hand.

 

“Jisoo, I-,” Lisa can’t even gather up the courage to look Jisoo in the eyes, not now.

 

Just then, Chaeyoung happily strolls right through the front door, the largest dopey smile on her face.

 

“Hey,” she slows her steps upon catching sight of the two girls in the middle of the living room and noticing the odd tension, “what’s going on?”

 

“Ah, Chaeng,” Jisoo releases Lisa’s hand and steps away, “we were just-,”

 

“About to go to bed,” Lisa finishes for her in an attempt to avoid Chaeyoung’s needless probing and questioning later.

 

Jisoo simply nods along to Lisa’s explanation and both girls quickly bid each other a good night before dispersing to their own rooms.

 

Both stand alone in their respective rooms; one utterly confused about the situation, the other tangled in a web of lies and her own emotions.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts??


	16. Tumult

 

 

 

 

Jennie doesn’t know how to feel.

 

An uncomfortable feeling settled in her chest ever since that particular day. The day she arrived at their dorm building, just a little earlier than she was supposed to, and froze in her spot at the sight before her.

  
  


Lisa and Jisoo.

  
  


_ Kissing _ .

  
  


Lisa  _ kissing  _ Jisoo.

  
  


She clearly remembers it: the way her heart stopped beating, if only for a second, as her eyes filled with tears and her mind flooded with several dozen emotions that she couldn’t distinguish from one another.

 

It was long coming, she knew.

 

All along she  _ knew  _ it was bound to happen at some point, but refused to even think about it until life practically slapped her in the face with the fact.

 

Jennie noticed, every day, how Lisa’s eyes drifted away from her, towards Jisoo, and lingered far longer than they used to.

 

She told herself it didn’t bother her.

 

She told herself she would move on, eventually.

 

She lied to herself, over and over.

  
  


It hits her again, a couple of days later, when she steps out of her room for a bottle of water and freezes at the threshold as she comes face to face with a scene that ingrains itself in her mind's eye.

 

From this distance she still manages to hear their quiet exchange, her heart taking a stab with every word -- every glance and every touch inducing a wound of their own.

 

The sinking feeling only increases as she notices that Lisa starts to lean in and Jennie can’t take it, she can’t let herself witness this again. She hurriedly reaches for the handle of her bedroom door and slams it shut as loud as she possibly can.

 

The moment is broken and the sinking feeling starts to recede. However, she can’t help but feel like she has already lost a battle -- one that she didn’t realize she should have been fighting in the first place.

 

She shakes it off and silently goes about her business without so much as a second glance in the direction of the other two.

 

Jennie tries to push away the awful image in her head and everything else that accompanies it, but the thoughts keep coming back no matter what.

 

Part of her wants to approach Lisa and confront her, but she doesn’t know where to start or what she would say. She doesn’t even know if she  _ should  _ confront Lisa about it at all -- what she saw, the feelings it stirred within her -- it’s all so confusing.

 

The long awaited, yet dreaded, moment arrives not long after, though.

 

It’s almost like fate has it out for Jennie, or at least she thinks so, considering the way she always seems to end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

By this point Jennie should have expected it, really.

 

It’s one of the rare days wherein she is actually completely free to spend it as she wishes while the other members are out and about attending their own separate schedules.

 

At least that’s what she thinks right up until the moment that she wanders into Lisa’s room with a change of clothes in hand to use the girl’s joint master bathroom.

 

But, Lisa is right  _ there _ , calmly laying on her own bed, scrolling through her phone like she doesn’t have a routine to practice or something else to do outside of the dorm.

 

Jennie stops in her tracks, “You’re here,” she dumbly points out and mentally cringes.

 

Lisa, upon noticing her presence, puts her phone down and gives Jennie a small smile, “It’s kind of my room, so, yes.”

 

“I thought... you had to practice,” Jennie trails off.

 

Lisa sits up indian style and gives the older girl her full attention, “No, I already learned the whole choreography, plus, the new trainees needed an extra practice room for today.”

 

“I see,” Jennie subconsciously tightens the hold on her clothes, her thoughts elsewhere.

 

Lisa takes one look at the change of clothes the older girl is holding and realizes the latter’s reasoning for being in her room.

 

“You can bathe,” the redhead shyly motions to the bathroom door with her chin, “if you want,” she mumbles as she feels a familiar warmth creep up her cheeks.

 

Jennie silently nods and makes to proceed on her way, then stops altogether and turns to face the younger girl again.

 

“You and Jisoo,” she carefully watches for Lisa’s reaction, “how is that going?”

 

Lisa frowns for a moment, completely caught off guard, “We’re...okay.”

 

_ Okay _ , the word repeats inside of Jennie’s head and she has to hold back a scoff.

 

She tries to filter herself, she  _ does _ , but the cutting words are out of her mouth before she can even blink, “You treat her like you’re already in love with her.”

 

Lisa responds without so much as a millisecond of hesitation, her frown deepening, “I do love her.”

 

It strikes Jennie then, another puncture straight to her already bleeding heart.

 

_ Why does it hurt so? _

 

“Am I no longer good enough for you? Was it really that quick and easy for you to move on from me?” The words spill from her mouth with so much bitterness that Jennie half wishes she could take them back but hastily discards the thought in the heat of the moment.

 

Lisa shakes her head in disbelief at the words she is hearing from the smaller girl, “It’s-… I haven’t.”

 

Jennie releases a scoff, a maelstrom of emotions mixing together in the worst possible way, “Don’t lie to me.”

 

Lisa stands up in one quick movement, body tense with apprehension, her face the very reflection of distress, “Do you think I wanted this to happen?”

 

She takes one step closer to the brunette.

 

“Do you think I wanted her to fall in love with me?”

 

Another step.

 

“Do you think I ever wanted to fall in love with  _ you _ ?”

 

Lisa takes one last step before stopping right in front of the older girl, her voice strained, “I didn’t  _ choose  _ this, Jennie.”

 

Jennie’s eyes widen at Lisa’s sudden outburst and she takes a step back in surprise, “Lis-,”

 

Lisa shakes her head and interrupts Jennie, “Don’t you realize?”

 

Her voice cracks and Jennie suddenly wishes she better knew when it’s time to keep her own mouth shut.

 

“I treat her like that because I don’t want her to feel like you make me feel,” Lisa continues with a pained expression on her face, “I don’t want to break her heart over and over again every time she sees me or even thinks about me,” Lisa pauses for a moment, eyes trying to blink away the tears clouding her vision.

 

Jennie silently stands there, unable to do anything else but listen as Lisa takes a shaky breath.

 

“I don’t want her to feel worthless,” Lisa finishes off in a broken voice, head hung low in misery as tears freely stream down her face.

 

Jennie’s heart clenches within her chest at the sight -- the revelation -- and suddenly she feels like the air has been sucked out of her lungs. The girl she once promised herself she would protect is shattered right in front of her.

 

_ Because _ of her.

 

Lisa’s words continue to echo in her head: “ _ I don’t want her to feel worthless _ .”

 

 

_ Worthless... _

 

 

_ I make her feel  _ worthless _. _

 

 

“Lisa,” Jennie sets her items down on the nearby dresser and steps closer in an attempt to soothe the younger girl, but the redhead merely flinches away from her touch. Lisa turns to crawl back into her bed, bringing her legs up and making a cocoon to bury her face in her arms as she tries to hold back the tears that just keep falling.

 

A crease forms between Jennie’s brows as she sees all the emotional turmoil the younger girl is in shine through.

 

She never meant for it to turn out like it did.

 

Seeing Lisa like this...

 

_ It hurts. _

 

She can feel her own heart inexplicably tearing itself apart at the mere sight.

 

“Lisa,” Jennie steps forward and tries again only to have her hand swatted away.

 

All Lisa can manage is a stifled, “leave.”

 

Jennie doesn’t leave, she finds herself frozen to the spot at Lisa’s bedside, unable to turn away.

 

_ How do you heal a broken heart? _ She wonders.

 

Her eyes well up and a lone tear slides down her cheek, but she steels herself and tries again, refusing to give up.

 

“Lis,” she takes a seat on the bed and pulls the younger girl’s arms away to reveal her tear stricken face. Lisa doesn’t resist again, far too tired and emotionally drained to even fight or push Jennie away one more time.

 

_ Don’t cry _ , Jennie wants to say, but the words get stuck within the lump in her throat and refuse to come out.

 

It happens then; the sight of Lisa’s red-rimmed eyes and aching gaze penetrate the walls she built around her heart, and every feeling she has slowly tried to bury over the years -- every feeling she compartmentalized and stored within the darkest recess of her mind -- comes pouring out all at once. Jennie can feel herself breaking into a hundred thousand pieces and coming back together all at the same time. It's like a breath of fresh air but it  _ hurts _ . It hurts so much more because she can clearly see how broken the girl in front of her is and it's all her own doing.

 

All this time she was trying to protect herself and, by extension, Lisa, by choosing to push the younger girl away and chase their dreams rather than fighting for her blossoming emotions. But, somewhere along the way she pushed her true feelings so deep under that she forgot to protect the younger girl as well. She lied to herself, day in and day out, until she managed to convince herself that all the things she loved about Lisa didn't actually affect her at all. So potent were her lies that she got to the point where she started to brush Lisa off and focused on someone else entirely -- started to center her  _ love  _ on someone else.

  
  


Somewhere along the journey she lost her way, no matter how good her intentions were to begin with.

  
  


Somewhere along the way she started to break Lisa’s heart.

  
  


_ How am I supposed to tell her all this without hurting her even more? _ She wonders.

  
  


_ How do I tell her that I put her dreams and my own above my growing love for her? _

  
  


_ How? _

  
  


Lisa is still looking at her with sorrow-filled eyes by the time she returns to her senses and Jennie can't take it anymore -- she can't find it in herself to hold back, not with the way Lisa's tear-filled eyes twinkle under the fluorescent lighting.

 

Gently, she cups Lisa's small face between her hands and wordlessly leans in.

 

She closes her eyes and their lips connect in a slow bittersweet kiss, tainted by sorrow and regret. Lisa’s lips don’t feel like what she imagined Jisoo’s to be like. It doesn’t feel like fireworks. It feels like an exchange -- an apology.

 

It feels a whole lot like coming home.

 

It takes Lisa a couple of seconds to fully become aware of what Jennie is doing and actually return the kiss. But, once she does, the kiss suddenly feels like more of a promise and much less of an apology. Lisa slowly shifts to fully face her and Jennie leans in further, cocking her head to the side to deepen the kiss. Her tongue lightly swipes over the younger girl’s plump lips, removing the salty aftertaste of the girl’s tears and replacing it with something that is all their own.

 

Lisa whimpers into the kiss, her hands coming to rest on Jennie's waist, gripping at the fabric of the latter’s shirt as she feels her own heart beat out of her chest and the breath stolen from her lungs.

 

 

Jennie’s thoughts run wild with memories of years past.

 

Of the beginning...

 

_ Their _ beginning.

 

When it was just Lisa and her; two girls against the world.

 

When their nights alone together were the only solace she had to fall back on, her only reprieve from the hassle of their day-to-day activities.

 

When Lisa, inevitably, started looking at her like she put the stars themselves in the skies above.

 

When the younger girl told her _ I love you  _ with every touch and every action.

 

When she herself didn’t realize how much it all meant until it was just a little too late.

 

 

With her eyes closed and the the younger girl’s soft lips firmly pressed to her own -- moving in a synchrony that feels all too familiar yet brand new -- Jennie feels a fluttering start at the pit of her stomach and disperse throughout her being.

 

Goosebumps erupt all over her body and she releases a shaky breath into the redhead’s mouth.

 

_ I’ve been such a fool. _

 

A war of wills breaks out in Jennie’s mind, but one side emerges victorious and she refuses to pull away from the younger girl's lips.

 

They kiss until their lungs scream for air. Then, as they part, the small part of Jennie that wants everything to go back to normal, because she is still afraid, tries her hardest to stifle and bury the part of herself that is reluctant to pull away.

 

It fails.

 

Miserably so.

 

Lisa takes a deep inhale and releases a soft sigh while keeping her teary eyes closed, her heart beating like an erratic drum in the confines of her ribs and her head floating up in cloud nine.

 

Jennie takes one good look at Lisa; at her full pink lips, her flushed cheeks, the tears caught in her dark lashes and the small crease between her brows.

 

She is struck with a sudden urge to protect her from everything.

 

Even from herself.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jennie caresses the younger girl’s cheeks, wiping away the tears that remain, “I’m sorry I ever made you believe that,” Jennie places a small kiss on the corner of her lips.

 

Lisa opens her eyes and gives her a questioning look.

 

“You’re not worthless,” Jennie whispers, “You’ve never been worthless, Lis...not to me.”

 

Jennie continues to gently cup Lisa’s face, softly caressing her cheeks while waiting for the younger girl to do or say something --  _ anything _ .

 

Lisa doesn’t utter a single word for several long seconds, unable to believe that what just happened -- Jennie kissing her like that -- was actually real. When her brain finally catches up to the moment she finds herself in a turmoil of emotions. Her grip on Jennie's shirt tightens and her eyes jump from one thing to the next, unable to settle on anything in particular.

 

Jennie's hands slip down from her face, softly tracing over Lisa's neck and down her arms until she reaches the younger girl's hands -- still gripping at the fabric of her shirt -- and gives them a squeeze.

 

"Is something wrong?” Her thumbs gently caress the skin on the back of Lisa's hands as she tries to coax the girl into talking, “You can tell me."

 

“You don’t- you didn’t have to,” Lisa whispers, afraid to speak any louder and risk breaking the moment. There are so many things running through her head and keeping her out of sorts that she doesn’t realize her eyes are welling up again, a tear slowly making its way down her flushed cheek.

 

Jennie releases Lisa’s hands and cups her face again, “I know,” she leans forward and catches the tear in its path with her lips, leaving a warm lingering kiss behind.

 

 

_ How do I fix this? _

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...THAT happened. Also, yay, double update! It was supposed to be one chapter but it got very long lol
> 
> So, comment away (keep your pitchforks away from me pls and ty)! Aaaand this is my cue to hide, byee!


	17. Abyss

 

 

 

 

 

“I know,” Jennie repeats, this time softer.

 

Lisa can’t help the feeling that overcomes her as she gazes deep into the older girl’s rich brown orbs. All the pain and heartbreak -- all the confusion -- somehow, it all gets forgotten in the moment. The way Jennie looks at her has Lisa’s heart going a hundred miles a minute and she can’t help herself because Jennie finally seems to _care_ . She’s finally _here_ , holding Lisa like she is the most fragile being in the universe and the world seems to be falling into place.

 

Jennie leans forward, her intentions clear, and Lisa slowly meets her halfway. Their lips connect in a sweet synchrony of words left unsaid, of sidelong glances and touches that were all lost in translation. Lisa lets it all go; the worries, the pain, the _what if’s_. She loses herself in the dark abyss once more and it welcomes her with open arms.

 

_Jennie._

 

She can’t find it in herself to question the brunette, especially not when the latter’s warm lips are so deliciously pressed to her own, their tongues seeking one another like long lost lovers.

 

_Jennie._

 

The brunette swiftly shifts her position by crawling forward and straddling Lisa’s lap, the younger girl’s arms immediately wrapping themselves around her small waist and pulling her even closer.

 

Lisa doesn’t know how it happened; one moment she is crying her eyes out with a broken heart and the next she is lying completely bare on her own bed, Jennie -- in much the same state -- looking down at her like she means more than the entire world could ever offer. One extreme low immediately followed by an incredible high has her head spinning; her senses dulled to such a level that she forgets what is real and what is not.

 

 _Jennie_ , her body screams again.

 

She wants this, now.

 

So much.

 

More than anything.

 

A gasp escapes Lisa’s lips as Jennie skillfully fondles her small perky breasts and sucks a nipple into her mouth. Their eyes meet and Lisa can feel the heat and wanton need pool low in her core in response to the brunette’s hungry gaze. Her hands find their way to Jennie’s dark locks and tangle themselves in her hair, pulling her closer. The smaller girl doubles her efforts and focuses her attention on the other breast, lips sucking and tongue relentlessly swirling over the sensitive nipple until Lisa arches further into her touch.

 

“Jen,” the redhead moans out as she slightly tugs at the older girl’s hair.

 

Jennie releases Lisa’s erect nipple with a pop and proceeds to trail wet open mouthed kisses down her taut abdomen, the younger girl’s muscles trembling under her every touch. Jennie smirks and stops just before reaching the younger girl’s aching center. Her eyes lock with Lisa’s again and she surges upward to catch the latter’s lips in a heated kiss. Lisa gladly gives in and lets Jennie take control, the older girl’s tongue demanding entrance and freely exploring newfound territory.

 

It’s only after some minutes that Lisa feels the feather-light touch of the brunette’s fingers brush over her inner thigh. Her heart skips a beat as she feels the lithe fingers travel further up.

 

Closer.

 

Closer.

 

_There._

 

Lisa’s breath catches in her throat as Jennie’s hand finds its desired goal. The slightest brush of the latter’s fingertips over her clit has Lisa moaning into Jennie’s mouth without shame nor restraint. Jennie repeats the motion; once, twice, three times -- every single one earning her a needy moan that she manages to muffle with her own lips.

 

Jennie breaks the kiss for a second and meets the redhead’s eyes as she starts out on a rhythm, her fingers moving in tight circles against the younger girl’s clit. Lisa’s eyes glaze over with pleasure, the smaller girl’s mere presence and movements easily rushing her into a level of ecstasy that she had never quite managed to reach on her own. Lisa closes her eyes and throws her head back against the pillow as satisfaction courses through her veins like wildfire. Jennie takes that as the golden opportunity to kiss and suck on the younger girl’s exposed neck, uncaring for the marks her mouth leaves behind.

 

Lisa writhes under her touch, hands gripping at the sheets then at Jennie’s naked body above her own, fingernails scratching over smooth skin and leaving their imprint on the older girl’s body.

 

“Jennie,” Lisa breathes out as the brunette sucks on a particularly sensitive spot of her neck, “ _please_.”

 

Jennie doesn’t stop her ministrations, not even for a split second. Without preamble, she slides her fingers between the younger girl’s slick folds and plunges two fingers into her wanton core, then moves to capture Lisa’s lips with her own, swallowing the redhead’s guttural moan. She curls and uncurls her fingers inside of Lisa before sliding them out almost entirely then plunging them back in, the younger girl continuously letting out muffled moans into her mouth. Jennie repeats her motions a few times before settling on a comfortable rhythm that has Lisa scratching at her bare back and wrapping her long legs around Jennie’s small waist to pull her closer -- _deeper_.

 

Lisa breaks off the kiss and gasps for air once Jennie curls her fingers in just the right angle and starts to hit her g-spot over and over.

 

“Fuck,” comes out the harsh breath, her voice laden with desire, “right there.”

 

The older girl increases her pace, fingers pumping in and out, driving Lisa crazy with every movement.

 

“Jen,” Lisa moans and buries her face in the crook of the brunette’s neck as she feels the waves of pleasure hit her one after another, each one bringing her a little bit closer to the peak. Jennie quickly catches on and, on impulse, seeks out the younger girl’s neck and harshly bites down on the sensitive skin there. The mixture of pain and pleasure push Lisa over the edge as her first orgasm overcomes her and a long breathy moan escapes her lips.

 

Lisa trembles under Jennie’s touch and lets her arms fall limp at her sides, exhausted. Jennie continues to thrust her fingers in and out, slowing down until Lisa fully rides out her high. Then, as Lisa closes her eyes and tries to catch her breath, Jennie slips down her listless body and places several soft kisses down her neck and chest.

 

It takes Lisa but a moment to gather herself and regain her strength, a moment in which the featherlight touches of the older girl set her ablaze once more. Her eyes open with newfound conviction and she flips their positions, easily straddling the smaller girl and pinning her on the bed.

 

The rest of the day goes by in a blur of tangled limbs and breathless moans.

 

Lisa finds it surreal, especially so when Jennie leans in to place a soft kiss on her pink lips and pulls away with a whispered, “I love you.”

 

But, of course, every fairy tale must come to an end.

 

That end comes far too quickly when Lisa hears footsteps just outside her room and her door abruptly opens before she has a chance to even think.

 

Lisa’s blood runs cold and suddenly it feels like she is the only one laying naked on the bed, fully exposed, because the warmth that belonged to Jennie is no longer there. Lisa lays frozen in place, unable to so much as look around in search for Jennie’s presence. The girl at the door commands her full attention and her heart can’t help but skip several beats, pounding against her chest and threatening to break through, just like a wrecking ball.

 

Lisa has no way of telling how much time goes by before her brain starts firing all kinds of possible explanations at her, but she can’t seem to settle on one.

 

“J- Jisoo-,” she mumbles.

 

The older girl merely stands there, her face a mask devoid of emotions while her eyes reflect the exact opposite; a raging storm.

 

“What is this?” Jisoo’s voie comes out deceptively calm.

 

“We- I- it’s not what it looks like,” Lisa splutters over her own words.

 

Jisoo grits her teeth as her hands ball up into fists, “Isn’t it?”

 

“Jisoo, listen-,”

 

“There’s nothing to listen to, I know exactly what I’m seeing,” Jisoo frowns and shakes her head.

 

“But-,”

 

“You _kissed_ me, Lisa, I thought that maybe you felt something for me but then you go and,” Jisoo motions at Lisa and the bed, “you do _this_.”

 

Lisa wraps the white bed sheets around her naked body and steps forth in a frail attempt to soothe the older girl, “Please, just-,”

 

“Stop!” Jisoo swats her hand away as if Lisa carries some form of infectious disease. The tears that formed in Jisoo’s eyes start to fall uncontrollably and Lisa can almost feel the pain that the older girl must be going through.

 

“You-,” Jisoo takes a quick breath before continuing, “ _traitor_.”

 

“Jisoo-,” Lisa, with tears forming in her own eyes, tries to reach for her again only to be pushed away with such force that she falls back on the bed.

 

“I don’t _care_ what your excuse is, I can’t even look at you right now,” Jisoo turns and angrily grabs at the doorknob before casting one last heartbreaking look at the redhead, “I hope it was worth it.”

 

The door slams behind her and all Lisa can do is helplessly stare at the empty space that Jisoo leaves behind, tears silently streaming down her face.

 

Suddenly she remembers someone else’s presence in the room and turns towards her in search of consolation.

 

“Jen,” Lisa crawls over the bed towards the other side of the bed, where the older girl stands motionless, and reaches out to hug her.

 

“Don’t touch me,” comes the unexpected response and Lisa instantly recoils from the latter’s disgruntled voice and dark gaze. With tear-filled eyes Lisa watches as Jennie silently goes around picking up her clothes to get dressed.

 

“W-what are you doing?” Lisa inquires with a low trembling voice and wet cheeks as panic starts to set in.

 

“Leaving,” Jennie slips on her shorts before moving to grab her loose fitting shirt, not even bothering to glance at Lisa, “Jisoo’s heart is already broken and neither of us can fix it, I have nothing to do here any more.”

 

Lisa’s face scrunches up into a frown as her brain tries to puzzle together the older girl’s words, “But, Jen, we just- you-,” her grip on the sheet wrapped around her otherwise naked body tightens and her voice lowers to something just above a whisper, “...you said you love me.”

 

Jennie turns to Lisa with narrowed eyes after adjusting her shirt, “Did you really believe it?” she rounds on the younger girl with a sneer on her once angelic face.

 

“Jisoo is the only one that matters to me, this,” Jennie motions between them, “was just pretend, it was...” she shakes her head and stares Lisa down, “nothing.”

 

Lisa chokes up on her own tears and crawls over to the edge of the bed in order to reach out to the brunette in a desperate plea, “ _Jen-_ ,”

 

“Don’t touch me!” Jennie angrily shakes off the younger girl’s arm, “Don’t you get it? You mean nothing to me, Lisa. _Nothing_!”

 

Then, just like that, Jennie storms out of the same door that Jisoo used only minutes prior.

 

She never glances back.

 

Not once.

 

Lisa breaks down as her heart collapses in on itself and shatters anew.

 

She doesn’t know how much time goes by before the sound of the door opening again catches her attention. A small flicker of hope sparks up within her red-rimmed eyes as she looks up.

 

It’s not Jennie nor Jisoo.

 

The flicker of hope that Lisa holds trembles under the strong and empty stare that Chaeyoung directs at her.

 

“I told you to be careful,” Chaeyoung voices out without precedent.

 

“Chaeng,” Lisa whimpers and, with the pure grief reflected in her deep brown eyes, pleads for the slightly older girl to come closer. To hold her, care for her, and help put the broken pieces back together because if there is one last person that can help Lisa recover from such harsh blows of life that is Chaeyoung -- her best friend.

 

Silence reins over the room like a thick layer of ice on the coldest winter day, Lisa’s hands tremble and grow weaker with every passing second until Chaeyoung finally speaks again.

  
  
  


“No,” the older girl shakes her head and looks straight at Lisa, _through_ her, even, her gaze unwavering, “you’re alone in this, Lisa.”

 

Her heavy words linger in the still air and echo against the four walls long after she leaves, the door firmly closing behind her.

 

Cold air licks at her exposed skin like a rabid animal and her tears feel like droplets of ice on her heated skin as she realizes that she truly is all alone.

 

No Jisoo.

 

No Jennie.

 

No Chaeyoung.

 

Just her.

 

Lisa.

 

Alone and broken.

 

“No,” Lisa cries out into the empty room, vision blurred with tears. The room gets darker and the walls seem to be closing in around her.

 

“No,” she chokes on her own tears as her hands tug at the sheets in frustration, her knuckles white from exertion.

 

Darkness engulfs her and suddenly none of her senses seem to work.

 

She can no longer feel the bed underneath her.

 

She can’t hear the rush of blood to her head nor the heavy pounding of her heart.

 

She can’t smell the lingering scent of sex that hung in the air.

 

_Emptiness._

 

Dread overwhelms her as she thrashes about and tries to scream, but she can’t move and no words seem to come out.

 

“No!”

 

She is too far gone to pay attention to the faraway voice that calls to her, “Lisa.”

 

“No!”

 

Lisa vaguely registers the feeling of something wrapping itself around her body and a vivid form of panic settles deep in the pit of her stomach.

 

“Lisa!”

 

“NO!” she tries to scream out one last time only for it to be reduced to a whimper as more tears stream down her face.

 

“LISA!”

 

The redhead snaps out of her trance-like state and continues with her uncontrollable thrashing, trying to escape the hold of whatever creature was attempting to restrain her.

 

“Lisa, stop, _please_ ,” the unmistakable voice whispers only centimeters from her ear, “you’re okay, I’ve got you.”

 

Almost immediately, Lisa can feel herself start to calm down as the scary after-images of dark tendrils wrapping itself around her body and squeezing the life out of her disappear only to be replaced with images of the girl at her side holding her in a warm embrace.

 

Lisa releases a small whimper and returns the hug, her face burying itself in the dark locks of the older girl, the tears soaking through the latter’s sleeping shirt.

 

“It’s okay,” the girl calmly whispers as she gently runs her hands up and down Lisa’s back in a soothing manner, “it was just a nightmare, you’re okay.”

 

They stay like that for a while, wrapped in each other until Lisa’s breaths are no longer ragged and the tears have completely dried out. The brunette momentarily stops her ministrations and shifts in the bed, moving to lie down and silently pulling Lisa down on top of her. Lisa gives in without complaint and cuddles into the older girl’s side, her arm easily wrapping itself around the girl’s waist. The brunette soon continues with her slow movements, tenderly running her hand up and down Lisa’s back then through her soft locks of hair until the younger girl melts in her arms.

 

The husky voice of the older girl breaks the calm silence after a while, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Lisa thinks back to the event, days prior, that led to her dreams. After Jennie kissed her on that particular day and they were, inevitably, interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers, Lisa couldn’t stop thinking of all the _what if’s_ . What if they weren’t interrupted? What if they had continued? What if Jennie really kept kissing her like she had in every single one of her dreams? What if they had done _more_? But then, what if Jisoo really did walk in on them like she did in her nightmare? It would break Jisoo’s heart. And that…

 

 _That_ is the very last thing she wants.

 

Lisa lightly shakes her head and squeezes the smaller girl whose shoulder she rests her head on.

 

“Okay,” the brunette sighs and places her free hand on top of Lisa’s arm as a form of reassurance, “you can tell me whenever you’re ready, you know?” She slightly turns her head to face the younger girl and places a delicate kiss on her forehead, “Sleep now, I’ll stay here.”

 

A small smile tugs at Lisa’s lips as she feels a familiar fluttering come alive in response to such contact and the older girl’s words. She closes the short distance between her lips and the elder’s pale neck, brushing a quick barely-there kiss over her soft skin.

  
  
  
  
  


“Thank you, Jisoo,” Lisa manages to whisper before closing her eyes and falling to the clutches of slumber, this time the nightmares don’t return. The presence of the older girl keeps them all at bay, her arms and her warmth serving as dreamcatchers and forming a protective barrier around Lisa’s sanity.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Yes, the whole smut scene and what followed was a dream-turned-nightmare, I just didn't use italics to differentiate it this time. Ya'll were duped and it's not even April. On another note, sorry I literally never stick to an updating schedule, sometimes my mind blanks out and it takes me a bit longer to come up with a good continuation. I do have an outline but it's very general and in the end it's the details that make up the whole, without those well...yea. I would rather deliver a late update than a crappy quick update and NOT regret writing this story lol
> 
> As always, leave comments and whatnot or drop by and leave me a message on twitter or cc @_slaypink, until next time~


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